Sunday, December 14, 2008

It's time to admit I am ever the optimist

OK so it's looking like the "build it and they will come" theory has limitations when it comes to international adoption. I've built (have the bedroom set, some clothes, some toys, and even new bedding to arrive before Christmas (not because I thought the gift with purchase might be a toddler Russian boy but because I found it on Ebay and didn't want to lose it )) but he's not coming. Perm region has been quiet for months... the Yahoo groups are full of advice, cheer leading and static... no one seems to be getting referrals. While I'm not particularly bothered by this YET, I am concerned that this may not pick up... as I wait patiently and continue to build this baby boy our field of dreams. I talk to my agency girls all the time and they continue to be wonderful but veiled in what they can or could say about the situation. Right now, there are 3 regions open: Vlad, NN and Perm... Vlad has had some referrals recently and some false starts as people prepare to travel only to have their little one adopted / fostered by birth family... NN is the new region and has not seen a referral and Perm... my agency hasn't had a referral since late summer. The Christmas news letter just came out and they are again looking at opening Novosibirsk and also St. Petersburg... I asked to be kept posted on advice regarding regions and if switching might become the best option - they said they would have news sometime in the new year. My SW also "did me a solid" and forwarded some information directly to the in country coordinator to have her look over and give advice on. While the answer wasn't what I had hoped for, it is encouraging to know that I can ask questions even if I think they might not be welcomed and have them answered.
So, for now, I prepare for Christmas by baking, shoveling (the snow can stop ANY time), and winding down from a busy work schedule. Every night I wonder where you are and if you had a good day. I imagine you being talked to and tickled by someone special to you and that you are laughing... I hope you are warm, safe, have enough food in your tummy, have someone to play with and for at least a moment no matter how fleeting each day, you feel special if not loved. I hope you dream of a home and a Mama and know that you deserve to be loved. I am starting a small collection of stuffed Lions for you. I can't stop thinking about how alone you are and how you must want someone to protect you and keep you safe... that will be me... and the herd of stuffed lions to remind you even in the dark that you will never be alone again. Good night (well actually it's 5:30am in your world) little man... I can't wait for next Christmas when our worlds will be so very different.

P.S. I got my skates sharpened today and saw little strap on bob skates perfect for a little skater... I can't wait to take you skating :-)

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