Monday, February 1, 2010

The bright side

I thought I could have gone either way on this one... part of me bought into the idea of having baby boy G brought into Khabarovsk prior to my arriving for court so that things were easier logistically for me / facilitator.  It would have been nice and relaxing and probably save me some time in the process but there was a down side too and the down side bugged me from the start.  As it stands, it's looking like the little guy will remain in Selihino baby home until he is sprung into my care forever (or at least into temporary care following the 10 day wait which is NEVER waived in Khab) rather than being moved into the city and staying at the baby hospital until springing time.  The trip will be many train rides back and forth for me and lots of driving back and forth to the baby home but I am strangely happy that it will be this way.  Now, I did say that I enjoyed the train ride the best (skipped the part of the sleeping pill induced stupor which may have involved some sleep type walking down the cabin car to the toilet in the middle of the night... but I don't know those people and they thought I was some sort of nun or something on a missionary visit and I will never tell them any different.)  This trip isn't about me - I'm an adult and I can reason my way through things... for my boy, I am happy that he won't have to endure transport by strangers to Khabarovsk and a stay at the baby hospital all so that I am saved a few train rides and travel inconvenience.  I am certain that this is NOT thrilling to my facilitator but for little man... I am happy.  In exchange for the extra cost of hotel and driver for the 10 days I will get to take a more relaxed view of his home and the wonderful women who care for him.  When I was there I functioned... point A to B... take pictures... freak out in private... drink water... eat Luna bars... send emails... follow instructions... pay bills... take sleeping pills and gravol... sleep... repeat in the morning.  I would have missed seing the playground outside the home in the spring, I wouldn't be able to take a photo of the orphanage plaque on the wall of the baby home (missed it when I was there), photos of the care givers, cards that I would like them to write to my boy wishing him luck and telling him something special that they like about him, a celebration party for the kids and for the care givers, I want to see if they will let me take a photo of the play room and maybe some of his friends (I think they will... I didn't ask - I was too afraid)... I want to relax next time... I want to breathe and enjoy the trip.  I want to bundle him up and play with him in the sun and breeze, I want to see if he likes the Ergo carrier, I want to find out his schedule, likes, dislikes, I want to ask more questions about his birth family, I want to get to know him on his turff before I rip him from everything he has ever known.  I feel like I owe it to him to offer up the "discomfort" of my travels to make it as comfortable as I can for him. 
This silver lining wasn't hard for me to find... in fact, I am positive I wanted it this way all along. 

No comments: