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Thursday, February 11, 2010

Game on :)

Well, a few days of 12 hour meetings (or longer) seems to be just what I need to clear my head.  Not much time to wallow or check emails or do anything except learn, clap, sit, stand, present, make small talk and tell all of Western Canada finally that I am adopting.  In a lot of ways it was a nice sort of celebration for me to be able to openly discuss, answer questions and show baby boo's pictures to everyone who asked.  All that and the heavenly beds, never ending "hostility suite" (where everyone goes to complain that there won't be anything much for raises next year and moan about what teams won the incentive trip) beverages, enough food to feed a small country (so much for the panic and disorder weight that I lost in Russia!!!) and catching up with friends I don't always get to see.  I'm starting to fill my "social schedule" with things to look forward to - things like a trip to Toronto for a women in leadership convention, a weekend ski trip with the ladies which will certainly involve snow, skis, apres ski, hot tubs, debauchery, toasting, roasting and good friends, my baby shower that friends have stepped in to plan, birthday parties, painting, packing and finally getting this show on the road! 
To the point of my baby shower.  It's weird.  Not that they want to do this for me but how uncomfortable it makes me in one breath and how excited it makes me in the next.  I have spent 2 years filling my time (and basement) with the instant gratification and dreams that shopping for a child you don't know brings.  I enjoyed every second of gathering things for him (some too big, some donated already to the orphanage) and so many things that I can't wait to experience / do with him.  I am so looking forward to celebrating the reality of this all - the fruition of what will be about 30 months worth of process and 11 years of dreams but it's weird.  I have sort of become (mostly out of necessity and partly out of ability) overly independent.  If I can figure out how to do it on my own... I do it.  If I can buy it on my own... I buy it.  I don't think I ask for much, yet I know there are times that I resent that I am on my own.  I am pushing people and processes away with one hand and with the other welcoming them in.  Confusing for me, and for them.  I think that part of it is that I don't want this to be about me... I want it to be about HIM - I am awkward and "shy" (yeah... can you feature that??? ME??? SHY???) about somehow being sort of vulnerable or the center of attention.  I've made it awkward for everyone since there isn't much that I need - and people are asking.  I've given them a list of a few things but there isn't a lot there to go on.  I told some friends tonight that they could just give a gift certificate for Home Depot and show up with a hammer and their husband this summer to build rug rat a play house in the yard.  Heck I don't know... What I do know is this: I am pretty sure it will hit me and I will do a lot of happy crying that day.  I also know that my friends are amazing and that they will continue to surprise me with their support and love :) 
In closing (clearly I've been at too many meetings this week and given too many presentations lol), I got this email and it made me think of those of us in the adoption process.  Just when we think we are (or should be) close in the process... SNAP!!!!  something catches us that knocks us down and takes our breath away.  I hope we have the "guts" of this little guy.  To all my friends in adoption land, this one's for you!  Watch till the end... it's really not that creepy :)
G'night

1 comment:

Barb said...

This is so funny . . . I "stole" it and posted it on my blog too:->