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Monday, April 12, 2010

Your Honor

When I stand in front of the Judge in Khabarovsk and she asks me questions about the little Russian adopted boy who was callously returned to Russia with a backpack and a note saying simply - please return - item not as described, I will say this:
Your honor, I want you to know how I feel about the woman who returned her adopted son to Russia alone with no more than a backpack and a note.  I believe that what this woman did should be punished both in the court of popular opinion and in the court of law. I believe this is a travesty of trust and of promise to Russia and more importantly to her son. I am embarassed as a woman who has chosen to be a single mother that someone else could become the poster child of American adoptive single moms for something so incredibly wrong. I am saddened that the hundreds if not thousands of single moms who have been amazing spokespersons for adoption and who are raising healthy, happy, well adjusted children are being overshadowed by this one ill-equipped womans actions. I hope that TN throws the book at her and lets Russia know that we do love and protect their children as they do their own and that this behavior is unacceptable on so many levels. I am embarassed as an individual, as a single mom and quite simply as a human being that someone could live with so little respect for another human life that they swore to love, honor and protect. While I did not enjoy the 29+ months required of me in waiting to bring my son home, I can assure you that I filled my time with researching and learning about children who come home after living in an institution.  While I can not profess to be an expert nor a perfect parent, I think that is just the perfect answer.  I know I will not have all the answers and I know I won't do everything right BUT I DO know that there are people out there who are better equipped to help me find the answers that I promised I will find for my son.  He is little and I am big.  I stand here today to promise that I will do right by him and stand true to my promise to always put his health and happiness first in finding solutions to even the questions he doesn't know how to ask.  Even when we have hard days, even if he doesn't like me very much some days, even if he gets mad and doesn't behave well some days, I promise to be his advocate, his protector and most of all the person who loves him the very most in this world.  My son is entiled to excellent heath care just as every citizen of Canada is entiltled to and I will move mountains to ensure that he has the best of care should that need arise.  And even when I'm tired and frustrated in life, I am surrounded by amazing people who I call friends who carry me forward when I can't seem to move on my own.  In my circle of friends there are Doctors, Psych Nurses, Lawyers, Police Officers, Child Psychologists, Speech pathologists, Physio Therapists, Dentists, Teachers, and so many other loving and kind people that I know I have a hundred ways to turn for help - I simply need to ask. 

Finally your honor, I don't ever quit. I have never walked away when things got tough - I find answers, I find people with answers and I find the strength and courage to continue fighting until I know I have done everything I can.   And yet, I have never had anything so precious and worthy of fighting for as a son before in my life.  I can only try and assure you with my words that I have lived a life of honor, integrity and compassion and will continue to do so where this child and his future are concerned.  I feel so very blessed to be able to be his mother and look very forward to proving that I am an excellent choice when I send you the post placement reports and photos of our new life.  Thank you for trusting me - I promise, I won't let you down.

10 comments:

Deb Woodcock said...

All I can say Stacey is that I am so very proud to know you –as an individual, as a woman, and as my daughter. Your integrity and strength are beyond measure. Please know that all you have to do is ask when the weight of the world weighs too much. I am so grateful for the friends and fellow travellers in the adoption world who continually surround you and buoy you up when world and personal events crash around you. My heart is with you.

Stephanie said...

I have been following your blog for some time. I am inspired by your courage! I pray that you bring your son home very soon!
Stephanie

Silvana said...

well said Stacey!!!

Lanita @ A Mother's Hood said...

I thought of you when this story broke on Friday. As an American, I can only say, "Thank God you are Canadian." I applaud your speech to the judge. Just one word of advice, don't be upset if they don't let you talk much. Everyone in the court kept talking nonstop, that I sometimes wondered if they would ever let me get a word in edgewise.

Good luck in your travels. I am so excited for you.

Chad and Sarah said...

Ditto.

Iraida and Valeria Sofia said...

I really hope she asks you the question so you have the chance to show the kind of Mama you are and to stand for all the single moms, including myself, that would never do that to our children and who would stand by our promise to love and take care of them.

Amy, Jeff, LM, & Ashton said...

Stacey - I stumbled on your blog -- and love your post. You wrote so eloquently what I believe all of us as mothers who BELIEVE In our children feel. Ours, too, was a journey of many years -- both in the "yes, adopt" to the "yes, agency" to the Kaz gone bad, to Russia. We are home with our son and truly cannot imagine life without him -- and pray that this does not stop others from finding the same joy in their children, and for children to be praised, loved, and objects of joy to their families - every child deserves to feel adored. I truly hope you find no issues when you head for court. And will keep following your blog to add to all the positive energy following you there...

Anonymous said...

Stacey, what an eloquent post. I was literally in tears on Saturday thinking about this impacting you after all you have gone through. I was sitting at a hockey game Saturday night when I remembered you were Canadian and that hopefully all will keep moving ahead for you.

When I adopted from Khabarovsk in 2004, there was a family that gave back a set of twins during the 10 day wait. This obviously led to some upset by the judge and procedures were changed at the last minute (I think Julianne made an extra trip to Koms right before court because of it) and I was asked the question of why did I want to adopt this child. So, given the climate you may very well get the chance to give this speech and I think it is just perfect.

Thinking of you.

Hilary

Shelly and Steve said...

Beautifully said.....please let us get that chance to make ourselves heard. I'm scared.

Jojo, Julz, Julianne said...

I wish I could go share a bit of my mind. BTW, tell the judge that my Anna is doing beautifully.
There will be a break in your court hearing when the judge will go out...BRING YOUR FIRST TRIP SCRAPBOOK. I DID! and the prosecutor the court reporter, all of my team, went through it and really lightened the mood. They were all so thrilled to see I had a baby shower (or two) for a child that wasn't even home yet..
THey thought that was oddly wonderful.
Also, bring your camera and leave it with the people who wait outside the court room foryou.
Have them take a pic of you as you walk out of the room. I love that pic!!!