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Saturday, June 5, 2010

Friend or foe update?

I intended on keeping this short. - it didn't happen. Sorry mom for not emailing you on your own... this is the first and only email I feel like writing.  24 hours full of ups and downs ending on an up after a beautiful ballet and dinner with wonderful people (forgive the spelling errors - I don't care and have had much wine).  Things started to unravel about 2 days ago.  The facilitator came to collect her fee early - the day after court... and wanted the whole amount including the cash donation to the orphanage.  I declined saying that the money was being used to purchase items and I'd check with the agency to clarify the total for her.  Turns out I was right and she was trying to take more money than she was owed.  This didnt' make her happy.  She showed up 1 1/2 hours late to pick up the money - breezed in and wanted to leave immediately.  She said that she wouldn't leave until Sunday night because she wanted a day off... Saturday night after the other family left... the one I have been waiting on since I was told I could pick Corbin up immediately after court.  The facilitator threw a tantrum and told me I could go on my own on Saturday.  I suggested that I walk her out and have a  "chat".  We discussed how she felt the trip has been going. She said fine.  I let her know that I feel like I am being treated as a burden and that she would rather be anywhere else but working with me.  She softened a lot and told me not to worry about her feelings.  I relayed that when her feelings impact how she acts towards me, I can't help but feel negatively.  She also told me that the other family in town told the entire hotel that I posted on face book that I had early custody.  I told her my friends and family knew but that the information was private and that the family had asked for me to keep them up to date so they could celebrate.  Some celebration they had.  The husband discussed my custody with the facilitator and demanded that she attend to them first and not leave (which I had already agreed to) and did a lot of damage (read: gave her fuel to go against my early custody).  So, now, I no longer have early custody. Now, I have to wait until the 15th to leave to pick up Corbin.  I will arrive the moring of the 16th to bring him home with me.  Almost a full moth after I left and thanks to selfish "survivor type" actions of "friends" I am in this situation.  The lawyer who is supposed to be acting on my behalf is (words I'll let you decide upon).  She first tried to make trouble for Anna where I am staying.  She called the MOE and told them that her home had not undergone a health and safety inspection and could be unsafe for the child.  That fell on deaf ears but hurt Anna professionally with the inquisition.  Next, the lawyer came to Anna's home to "prep" me for court which felt odd from the start.  She is not friendly, nor kind, nor personable.  She terrified me, and spent her time outside the court room telling Ole how terrible the agency I am with is and how the facilitator is going to quit.  And quit she did... my facilitator told me (after collecting my money) that she quit... Next came the phone call - or should I say I finally called her for the second time since she didn't return my phone call saying that custody would be delayed.  There were a miriade of reasons - none that made sence until today where she said that the lawyer had called the director saying that I was not staying at a hotel and not using car service and that no one should sign for his care under these circumstances.  Nice to know your agency has people working on your behalf.  The lawyer told them that they couldn't control what I do and they didn't want to sign for me.  So... now custody will be the 16th...after some Russian holdidays.  But the good news is that I shouldn't need the facilitator beyind the signing of the documents earlier that day - I should be able to go on the train with Ole on my own without that (insert favorite word here).  Last night, I responded poorly to the lies, manipulation, and uncarring attitude of the facilitator and lawher.  I yelled and demanded answers... then I became afraid that they would use this response against me.  I emailed my agency immediately telling them about how I'm afraid now that she has quit and "owes us nothing" - heard a one liner back saying they would call her and then... of course... nothing... big surprise.  I can't wait until all of this is final and I can come clean with my agency name and facilitator information.  For anyone who has followed my journey, you can see how long, how unprofessional on both the Russian side and Canadian side things have been.  Would I do this agian? Absolutely not.  Not with my agency.  I question if they will even be around.  I dont' have the fight left in me to even contemplate more disagreements here.  I'm ready to pay whatever she asks for (which by the way has been more increased costs for a "business trip" since my boy is not in the city and requres out of town travel... but this has NEVER been discussed before the completion of my second trip) and she asked for extra translation money.  I am not a fan favorite since I said to take this up with my agency... which I'm sure went well.  My advice? Make your blogs private and for the love ot God, don't trust the people who have vested interest in how your case turns out - other families are not your friends - they will step on you to get ahead - the golden rule is dead.  No one cares about you except you.  This sounds bad and it is... but there is an upside too that I will choose to remember.  Tonight, I saw a beautiful ballet.  The lead dancer signed my program in the lobby and asked for my name.  He immediately asked if I was English - I said yes.  He asked how long I am here for - I said a month... he questioned why... I said I am adoptin a little boy... he thanked me for helping the child and for helping his country.  This is why I'm here.  I can't forget that... I'll silently wait out another 10 days... and then hug Corbin tightly as we RUN from the ugly parts of this trip and never look back.  I'm tired.  I've had a good dinner with good wine and good friends.  honesty comes easy right now.  I can't wait to get home.
SJT

15 comments:

theflower said...

10 more days, Stace, 10 more. Hang in there. xoxo

Lynda said...

OMG that's terrible. Play along with the game until you get your boy and then let loose. You know this, but don't do or say anything to rattle their cage. You really don't know who you can trust. It's hard to be in a situation where you have very little control but just remember it is almost over. Good luck!

Silvana said...

Oh Stacey, how awful!!! I am so sorry that the best experience of your life has to have all this drama attached to it. The truth be told, you won't actually exhale until the wheels are up on your flight home. I felt as though I held my breath for a whole month. Hang in there Stacey, it is almost over, and the true happiness will begin!I agree, bite your tongue and go with it, it sucks, but just do it. Thinking of you! xo

Jojo, Julz, Julianne said...

OMG...I want names...I know the selfish types..I am gonna kick some facebook ass!!!

HilaryS said...

Oh Stacey I am so sorry for this. I cannot believe another family would do that. That is the rule of adoptions - never do anything that will hurt another family's process. Just keep crossing the days off the calendar. It does not seem like it now, but this will be done soon enough. As said above, the best moment will be when the wheels are up on your trip home. I ordered a nice cocktail at that point. This is such a hard thing to go through - there are many wonderful people involved, but also a lot of ugly people. Hang in there! Julianne and I know what you are feeling and we are rooting for you. I am glad you have your friend Ole there so you don't have to be dependent on your agency.

Hilary

nicole said...

iam sending prayers and huggs and thats terrible that this has happened to you..go into survival mode till you touch down in canada..bigg huggs..

Izabela and Shawn said...

Wow, I cannot believe the other family would do this...what type of person do you have to be to ruin such a huge thing. Hang in there and fight for your son. I'm glad your friend is there with you, it must be a big relief.

judy said...

Stacey,

I can only imagine the torment this has caused. I remember comparing notes with other families...diff regions, diff agencies...no one's experience was exactly the same...I cannot concieve that how some folks can be so selfish to cause someone else this heartache---

...so sorry this was yet another detour on the way home...

Nicole Brueck said...

This makes me so angry!! I can't wait until you can name names and make sure this doesn't happen to another person trying to adopt.
That family needs a swift kick.....well, you know where.
It will happen, it will take longer than all of us had hoped for you, but it will happen.
Sending hugs from your neighbor to the south........Nicole

jo said...

OMG you scared me with this one Stac. I kept reading thinking it was only going to get worse. I am counting down the days to you get that little boy, safely in your arms only. The whole adoption racket needs to be brought to justice if you ask me. I wouldn't trust anyone right now, sad to say.

alicia said...

i can't breathe for the next ten days until you are outta there. You are bigger than these devious people...karma will be a bitch. Hang in there!!! It's almost finished!

David & Jodi said...

I have no words for all of this. Just hang in there and run with Corbin when you get him!

Shelly and Steve said...

I'm sorry such a magical time has to be so tainted. Its awful that this doesn't even surprise me....this process is HARD and GRUELLING and you just don't know who to trust. Thank you for sharing this and I will be sure to be more careful. What a shame. Corbin WILL be forever in your arms very soon, hang onto that!!!!! HUGS

jennette said...

hang in there - you'll be together before you know it and it'll all be way behind you! take it easy and remember to breathe!!!

amy and kevin said...

Wow... I am so sorry you are going through such hell in order to bring home your precious Corbin. Our entire trip was a stressful nightmare for many reasons, and I do not look back on it fondly. Thank God you can count on your hands the number of days left until you have your son forever!!! Praying for you that the rest of your trip goes smoothly...