Friday, July 23, 2010

Time flies when you are having fun - 1 month home

Wow... one month home feels like a flash... one month waiting felt like an eternity.  I remember back to the silence - the deafening silence.  Days crept past and turned into weeks, months and years without permission.  I felt so helpless and small - I felt like I was caught in some bad joke or the very least an out of control situation that I was a passenger on - and I'm not a particularly good / patient passenger and I certainly didn't find any humor in the wait.  Then, when I got Corbin's referral things kicked (momentarily) into overdrive.  Everything needed to be done NOW!!!  FedEx, Puroletter, DHL (especially DHL) trucks all gave me the chills and made my stomach do little flips.  Trip one - amazing, overwhelming, terrifying, beautiful, barren, chilling... but in the end - perfect.  I'll never forget the rapid fire kisses and his parting words that he didn't want me to leave - he had enough toys.  Then, 5 very very long months - I'm sure my floor has grooves in it from pacing. I hate knowing that my friend Steph is wearing deep grooves in her floors and crying the very same sad, helpless tears waiting for a court date that sticks.  I hate that the heartless actions of some random woman can hurt such an amazing, funny, smart, courageous, ready willing and able Mama and would give anything to take that pain away (or at least provide a lobotomy for the wait?) but there are no words, no shoulder, no nothing that can help the time pass... just skype conversations to fill time.  For me, then finally came trip 2.  Court trip is still a recent memory and full of emotions that haven't settled just yet but I dont' spend time thinking about those things because I now have so many more wonderful and amazing things to do.  Those things revolve around being a Mama to an incredibly resiliant, happy, easy child - my son.  The IA doctor was 100% right in her opinion that there was something in his eyes - there is an undeniable spirit - a resiliancy - an ability to smile, laugh, and more important than anything, to love.  One of his caregivers told me on trip one while I rocked him in my arms that, "THIS is all he ever wanted - He wants to be loved... He wants a Mama."  Now I have him and he has me. 
Best momnts lately?  Walking away from the soccer field, him kicking the ball ahead and I have a moment of "WOW"... and I tell him that I love him... and he YELLS back "I LUB YOOOO" and keeps running.  Next, yesterday at dinner, I was finished and watching him eat while I sort of "danced" to the music on the radio in my chair... sternly, he looked at me, picked up my fork and handed it to me and said, "MAMA! EAT! No Musica!"  Touche my little guy... no dancing at the table... eat... He is getting more confident in telling me what he wants, likes and is thinking.  Every day is a wonderful adventure of learning, listening, laughing and best of all, Loving him.  This last month have been better than I could ever have imagined. 
Thank you Corbin for coming into my world and making it so much more colorful and full of love.  You are the perfect little boy for me - I'll try hard to be a good Mama for you - you deserve it :)
All my love!


Calico Sky said...

I am so happy for you Stacy!! I'd love to know which agency you'd recommend? In Canada there aren't a lot of options!

Tracey and Chuck said...

What a wonderful post! Time has flown for us as well since we have been home also compared to the 4+ months of waiting between trips! He looks like such a sweet boy and the two of you are perfect for each other!!! So very happy for you!! Keep the pictures coming...just love to seeing his beautiful smiling face!!! (and yours too of course!)

Anonymous said...

It's good huh?
From single to Momma was the absolute best for me..And do you look at him sometimes in awe and sort of ask yourself, "How did I get so lucky?"
(can't seem to log in)

Fleur said...

Thrilled for you both Stacey! Hugs and kisses from our East.

Fleur said...

Uhh...That would be OUT East, not "OUR". East is mine, West is yours.... ;-) xoxo

Frederick,Mackenzie,Noah,Hope said...

Sooo happy for you honey-he's so gorgeous that I'm in love with him too. GOD BLESS YOU! XOX