The Long Way Home International Adoption from Russia

Two years ago

2011-12-14T08:01:00.000-07:00

I was dejected, sad and certain that Christmas would come and go again with no referral. I had been in process for almost 2 years with nothing to show for it except a dwindling bank account, growing frustration and battered up heart after having to decline a little boy who wasn't to be my son. As if on autopilot I dialed the number of my agency for an update and to pose unlikely hypothetical questions like, "what happens if I get a referral while your office is closed for Christmas? The government offices are closed too, so would it sit in an inbox until early January?" As usual, I was passed off and placated by being told to call the director at governmental adoption services. Begrudgingly I did. I left the office I was at and headed out towards the next, dialing as I exited the parking lot. I was half way through my speech when she interrupted me to say, "I hope it won't be an issue (the referral over Christmas) since I'm looking at your referral on my desk right now." Silence... did I hear her right? Shock. MY referral? On your desk? Why oh why didn't SOMEBODY call me??? Who cares - seems to be moot at this point. Did I have internet access? No. But if I cut this semi off and make a California lane change I can squeal into that Starbucks lot without public injury and be live in about 45 seconds. There was no fanfare this time. No call made to anyone to be there to share the moment. My pounding heart was guarded and afraid of the sadness that followed the first happy email moment. Alone in the parking lot with the rage of the semi's fog horn still ringing in my ears, I hit "Accept" on the Starbucks home page and send and receive at a rate of 4x / second until the email titled REFERRAL topped the list. There he was

I had seen this picture a hundred times before as I scoured the photo listing but I never attached the potential words, "My son" to them until that moment. Numb. He looked as scared as I felt. I waited. I contacted Dr. Bledsoe at the Center for Adoption Medicine and held my breath. Additional photos arrived which were happier "cuter" if you will... I started to let hope creep in. The call that mattered most came a day later. Dr. Bledsoe's nurse called, "She can't squeeze you in for a consult right away but it's OK. She knows you need to have an answer to give your agency quickly and her answer to that is yes... BIG GREEN LIGHT! You should accept and go meet him". Exhale... and that was another moment that changed our lives. My hope grew with the consult discussion on Saturday. "Resilient little Rascal" over and over - he's got something in his eyes that tells me he'll adapt, adjust, and be fine... He's a good one... All the words of reassurance I needed. The scramble to pack, get a travel visa and collect my thoughts began. This year as we were driving the song "All I want for Christmas Is YOU" came on my ipod and I told Corbin the story of how it had been on my blog and how I did meet him at Christmas 2 years ago. The only other song he has ever asked to play over and over is the wheels on the bus... it made my heart smile when he said, "Mama, play that one again... I like it best".
2 years... a blink, a million moments, a million memories, a lifetime of smiles, giggles and laughter. 2. Wow. That went fast. It was a Merry Christmas after all.

Toys for tots

2011-12-11T20:36:00.001-07:00

Garbage Truck and Lego - Garbage truck and Lego - Garbage truck and Lego... Yes ~~rain man~~ buddy, I know and I promise that ~~I am frantically shopping~~ Santa is working very hard in his workshop to make the toys to bring on his sleigh Christmas eve!

I have managed to track down pretty much everything I'll need this year and have almost 3 weeks to spare. I was searching for a particular garbage truck and had settled on one that was ~~cheap~~ not exactly what I had in mind but was a close facsimile. It had the features but it wasn't the one I had seen but could not find. One more trip... and what to my wondering eyes did appear but the recycle truck with 3 different bins and sanitation gear! Aw nutcracker... the receipt for the other one was not to be found. No worries, I hadn't bought a toy for toy mountain (for kids that go without gifts) yet so this would certainly do the trick. Unwittingly, this has become a wonderful lesson for Corbin. I had put the garbage truck into the vehicle and on our next trip Corbin spotted it before the door had even opened all the way. "MAMA!!! My GARBAGE TRUCK IS HERE!!!" Enter sudden panic. The conversation explained (with some initial tears) that this truck is for us to give to a good little boy who wouldn't get a gift under the tree this year because his family didn't have the money to buy him any. As I danced around the obvious fact that Santa could still make one for him in his toyshop, Corbin started to ask questions about why the boy wouldn't have presents and talked about not getting presents in Russia except from me and that it would be sad not to have presents. He finally conceded that he would give HIS garbage truck to the other little boy because Santa could still bring him Lego and maybe even new wheels for his Lego since Lyric (our dog) ate his tires. What will make me happy is seeing Corbin open HIS recycle truck with a thank you note from Santa saying that "Billy" was SO happy to open his very own truck that Corbin shared and that THAT's what Christmas is all about. (Well, that and finding a $100 recycle truck (seriously? WHO would pay that?) for under $30 - that's also my sort of Christmas shopping!).

Christmas gift list

2011-12-09T16:25:00.001-07:00

In a season over run with line ups, angry shoppers, honking horns and toys that will be broken before the Christmas tree comes down, here's a list of gifts that will last forever.

An alphabetical list of 35 Gifts Your Children Will Never Forget.

Affirmation. Sometimes one simple word of affirmation can change an entire life. So make sure your children know how much you appreciate them. And then, remind them every chance you get.
Art. With the advent of the Internet, everyone who wants to create… can. The world just needs more people who want to…
Challenge. Encourage your child to dream big dreams. In turn, they will accomplish more than they thought possible… and probably even more than you thought possible.
Compassion/Justice. Life isn’t fair. It never will be – there are just too many variables. But when a wrong has been committed or a playing field can be leveled, I want my child to be active in helping to level it.
Contentment. The need for more is contagious. Therefore, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is an appreciation for being content with what they have… but not with who they are. (edit: WHOA!? What? I would hope that my child would grow to be content with who he is! Do I want him to continue to grow and learn - for sure, but I NEVER want him to feel like he isn't enough just as he is. Gotta disagree on this one).
Curiosity. Teach your children to ask questions about who, what, where, how, why, and why not. “Stop asking so many questions” are words that should never leave a parents’ mouth.
Determination. One of the greatest determining factors in one’s success is the size of their will. How can you help grow your child’s today?
Discipline. Children need to learn everything from the ground-up including appropriate behaviors, how to get along with others, how to get results, and how to achieve their dreams. Discipline should not be avoided or withheld. Instead, it should be consistent and positive.
Encouragement. Words are powerful. They can create or they can destroy. The simple words that you choose to speak today can offer encouragement and positive thoughts to another child. Or your words can send them further into despair. So choose them carefully.
Faithfulness to your Spouse. Faithfulness in marriage includes more than just our bodies. It also includes our eyes, mind, heart, and soul. Guard your sexuality daily and devote it entirely to your spouse. Your children will absolutely take notice. (anyone have an extra brother or neighbor to lend to this cause... I'm as faithful as a labrador...)
Finding Beauty. Help your children find beauty in everything they see… and in everyone they meet.
Generosity. Teach your children to be generous with your stuff so that they will become generous with theirs.
Honesty/Integrity. Children who learn the value and importance of honesty at a young age have a far greater opportunity to become honest adults. And honest adults who deal truthfully with others tend to feel better about themselves, enjoy their lives more, and sleep better at night.
Hope. Hope is knowing and believing that things will get better and improve. It creates strength, endurance, and resolve. And in the desperately difficult times of life, it calls us to press onward.
Hugs and Kisses. I once heard the story of a man who told his 7-year old son that he had grown too old for kisses. I tear up every time I think of it. Know that your children are never too old to receive physical affirmation of your love for them.
Imagination. If we’ve learned anything over the past 20 years, it’s that life is changing faster and faster with every passing day. The world tomorrow looks nothing like the world today. And the people with imagination are the ones not just living it, they are creating it.
Intentionality. I believe strongly in intentional living and intentional parenting. Slow down, consider who you are, where you are going, and how to get there. And do the same for each of your children.
Your Lap. It’s the best place in the entire world for a book, story, or conversation. And it’s been right in front of you the whole time.
Lifelong Learning. A passion for learning is different from just studying to earn a grade or please teachers. It begins in the home. So read, ask questions, analyze, and expose. In other words, learn to love learning yourself.
Love. …but the greatest of these is love.
Meals Together. Meals provide unparalleled opportunity for relationship, the likes of which can not be found anywhere else. So much so, that a family that does not eat together does not grow together.
Nature. Children who learn to appreciate the world around them take care of the world around them. As a parent, I am frequently asking my kids to keep their rooms inside the house neat, clean, and orderly. Shouldn’t we also be teaching them to keep their world outside neat, clean, and orderly?
Opportunity. Kids need opportunities to experience new things so they can find out what they enjoy and what they are good at. And contrary to popular belief, this doesn’t have to require much money.
Optimism. Pessimists don’t change the world. Optimists do.
Peace. On a worldwide scale, you may think this is out of our hands. But in relation to the people around you, this is completely within your hands… and that’s a darn good place to start.
Pride. Celebrate the little things in life. After all, it is the little accomplishments in life that become the big accomplishments.
Room to Make mistakes. Kids are kids. That’s what makes them so much fun… and so desperately in need of your patience. Give them room to experiment, explore, and make mistakes.
Self-Esteem. People who learn to value themselves are more likely to have self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth. As a result, they are more likely to become adults who respect their values and stick to them… even when no one else is.
Sense of Humor. Laugh with your children everyday… for your sake and theirs.
Spirituality. Faith elevates our view of the universe, our world, and our lives. We would be wise to instill into our kids that they are more than just flesh and blood taking up space. They are also made of mind, heart, soul, and will. And decisions in their life should be based on more than just what everyone else with flesh and blood is doing.
Stability. A stable home becomes the foundation on which children build the rest of their lives. They need to know their place in the family, who they can trust, and who is going to be there for them.
Time. The gift of time is the one gift you can never get back or take back. So think carefully about who (or what) is getting yours.
Undivided Attention. Maybe this imagery will be helpful: Disconnect to Connect.
Uniqueness. What makes us different is what makes us special. Uniqueness should not be hidden. It should be proudly displayed for all the world to see, appreciate, and enjoy.
A Welcoming Home. To know that you can always come home is among the sweetest and most life-giving assurances in all the world. Is your home breathing life into your child?

Of course, none of these gifts are on sale at your local department store. But, I think that’s the point.

147 million - could you make a difference?

2011-11-05T23:19:00.001-06:00

First off I hate the word "orphan" but sadly, it is descriptive of 147 MILLION children in the world today. November is Adoption awareness month and tomorrow is Orphan Sunday. For a moment, as a result of a news article, Facebook post, Church presentation or blog, more people might consider what it would be like to be one of those little people who go to bed alone; many not only without a good night kiss but without being spoken to, held, fed, encouraged, celebrated or acknowledged in any way. No food, no love,and nothing to call their own. Maybe, just maybe those same people might be moved to do more than feel bad for a moment. Likely they (YOU) won't adopt but is there something - just a little something that you could do to help?
Now before I stumble off my pedestal, this isn't about me. It's no secret that I adopted to fill MY desire to be a Mother. There was no pretense of making the world a better place or doing something noble. My decision to adopt came directly from the fact that at 25 years old I became a widow and lost not only my young husband but also the children we planned together but this isn't about me... it's about them. These faces will stay with me forever.

Anna - sweet, gentle, content. Corbin still talks about you.

Zhenya - you STOLE my heart. You have a zest for life and a gregariousness that I hope you never lose. I think of you and with a heavy heart I smile.

Karina (just a peek), Zhenya, Grisha, Anna, Sasha - May you know the love of a family.

Karina, Anna, Zhenya and my little buddy Alosha reaching for the camera, thank you for being my Grisha's friend. He named the buddies he sleeps with after you and tells stories of your playground adventures. You are not forgotten.

Unloved... isnt' that a powerful word? These faces of the children in Corbin's detsky-dom are with me always. Their spirit, laughter, hope and potential still haunts me as they remain unloved by a Mother or Father. I check the databank and my heart sinks when I see their faces still there.

Perhaps our story helps to debunk a myth or two about adoption:
1. Singles make good parents.
2. Single mom's can parent a boy (so far so good.)
3. You don't have to be a celebrity to adopt. You do however need a plan, a steady job and a whole lot of determination. Having been a girl scout will help if you remember the motto, "be prepared".
4. Adopting a 3 year old is every bit as amazing and exciting as adopting a tiny baby. Corbin came home full of wonder and excitement to explore his new world and it continues to amaze me every day how lucky I am to be his Mama. I also got to skip the wonder of sleepless nights, diapers, poop up the back and potty training. Toddlers rock.
5. It is however not "easier" to adopt a toddler than an infant because they come with a whole new set of rules and challenges. There are things you need to research and prepare for - in fact, that goes for any child in any adoption. Don't go in blind - do your homework.
6. Adoption works. I have had the privilege to meet with many adoptive families and speak at our home study adoption education seminars to hopeful parents and can happily say that the children are loved, cherished, nurtured and adored by their parents. There have been challenging times and adjustments for all but overwhelmingly adoption makes dreams comes true.

Perhaps the quote by Mahatma Ghandi says it best of all,

"The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problems."

What could you do for a child who goes without?

Reaching our potential

2011-10-14T23:45:00.002-06:00

"By adopting a child and helping them reach their potential they help us reach ours. An adopted child is not an unwanted child; to the contrary. They are a child who was searched for, prayed for, cried for, begged for; received by arms that ached making empty hearts full. Love is meant to be shared" Author Unknown.

Not sure why I've never seen this quote until now but, I love it and it belongs on my blog.

Life is good in the woods

2011-10-10T20:26:00.002-06:00

They were searching for "captain thunder" under the bridge

Fall colors make for the best hikes and when you do it with friends they're even better.

Tree huggers unite

the road less traveled is so beautiful

Not sure why this makes me think of, "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil...

Thankful

2011-10-10T00:32:00.003-06:00

Then and now. Good food + Good lovin' + Sunshine + Runnin' = an inordinate amount of growth. Thankful doesn't even begin to describe the 2000 words these photos are said to be worth.

Then - he's hardly taller than Lyric

Now - he towers over her.

Soccer is wrapped up for another season. We were off to Nationals in Vancouver where we fought it out to the gold medal. I promised to leave nothing on the field and had a great time and tournament. After overhearing one of the most talented players on my team lament that she finally had won a National Gold, I was humbled to know I've been a part of 4 teams who have come out with Gold or Silver at this level. 2 Gold and 3 silver - how thankful I am to have had the opportunity to be part of greatness. This is what it was all about. Thanks to my team.

And these... they need no explanation or reminder of why I am thankful.

Giving thanks... for all that you are and all that you allow me to be.

Waking up full of AWESOME

2011-09-12T21:02:00.002-06:00

The idea for this post comes from another blog post "Waking up full of AWESOME" that asked us to remember back to being 5 years old. Remember when it didn't matter what you wore, if your hair was messy, how many teeth you were missing, if you had lunch on your face or what brand of jeans you had on? Remember how you danced at weddings? Remember how you hugged and meant it with every ounce of your little body? Remember how your smile and your giggle made other people light up? Think back to how it felt to give everything you had to the day and could fall asleep exhausted and content in the car? There was a time when you were little and the only measure of success was your own gleeful announcement of "LOOK MOM!" or "I DID IT!". Inevitably, time and the pressure to grow up and achieve kicks in and the innocence of childhood begins to slip away. I hate to think of the day that Corbin comes home and is sad because someone called him slow because he wasn't first in the race or dummy because he spelled words wrong on a test. I dread the day that a child makes him feel unloved with a naive or derogatory comment about being adopted. It's with those thoughts in mind that I celebrate my son's awesomeness in the small moments that we are weaving together as a family. Some people cluck and tsk at hearing a parent tell their child "you're awesome!" as they think it will result in a child who is arrogant, boastful or who won't feel good enough if they don't succeed. Well, for me, as competitive as I am, "awesome" is loosely associated with winning and tightly associated with being an amazing person. Awesome is sharing, cheering, being graceful, modest, encouraging, full of try, finding desire to do better or sometimes even knowing when to quit.
To me, my boy is awesome because he is him and because he makes my world better every morning he walks into my room. Your awesome kid doesn't make mine any less awesome so please don't be offended if you over hear me telling him he rocks or is smart or is handsome or any other derivative of Wow... I'm lucky to be your Mama. Here's a little of the awesome he's been up to lately.

Blueberry picking in MA with Misha & Steph

Russian Bathtime complete with bubbles

Hanging out in CapeCod

Swingin' by the dock of the bay

D-O-N-E done

Ring Bearer at Auntie Karen & Uncle Rod's "special day"

Corbin & his "princesses"

Corbin and Ty - the boys I love

This picture means a million words to me...

Dressed for the ceremony... Mama's don't let your babies grow up to be Cowboy's

Dance with Auntie Karen

He had them moves like Jagger ALL NIGHT LONG (notice the wearing in the knee region!)

Massachusetts, New England, Maine

2011-08-14T13:24:00.001-06:00

This is the stuff that life is made of. For Corbin, it's seeing and doing things for the first time and for me, it's watching him with a smile and renewed excitement. I remember back to the days that a vacation was enough to keep me counting down days or an airplane ride would put butterflies in my stomach. Interestingly, as my life gathers sunsets, stamps in my passport, and sand from various beaches, the butterflies wings barely make a flutter that hits my Richter scale but this... this is the new stuff that wiggles my world . As I walked over a bridge in Kennebunk Maine with Corbin I looked across the bay to a fancy restaurant where the patio was covered in elegant looking navy and white umbrellas where people were having beautiful dinners where a jacket might have been required. I began to think of the things I've traded in life: Fancy dinners for hotdogs with extra ketchup... with the best date ever - no jacket and not even shoes are required. I no longer just walk through the shops on the sides of the street, partly because I don't want to have to say, "look with your eyes NOT your fingers" over and over and partly because I've allocated that $5 for an icecream at the end of the block. I don't miss the kitschy trinket but these memories won't gather dust and end up in the junk drawer. These are days one through three of our East Coast adventures... my memories are piling up on the pages of my life. Hanging with Steph, Misha and his little twin friends has played him out and kept him sleeping late. My water baby loves the ocean and after being introduced to "boogie boarding" now thinks he needs to surf. I suspect given the opportunity... he just might. Next stop, Cape Cod... stay tuned - there may be surfing.

Corbin, Misha and the twins. Khabarovsk & Vladimir - Canada & Massachusetts: home

He just picked up his board and headed out like a surfer whose done this for years

After this he thought he would teach me how... his coaching was

hilarious

Watching for good waves

My lil' surfer boy

Summer continued

2011-08-08T00:40:00.001-06:00

In terms of weather, this summer has been SOOOO much better than last. Granted, there was a lot going on last summer with Corbin just having come home and my having fallen off the ~~wagon~~ er I mean deck and spraining my ankle (being in Russia and completely stressed to the max for 5 weeks doesn't mix well with a great BBQ'd rib eye and 2 grande glasses of good red wine - but I digress) We are making the most of this summer! We spent the long weekend in Saskatchewan at the lake with friends and toasted a year for both as families. It's rare to become friends with people who have adopted internationally but it's even more rare to already BE friends with people who coincidentally are adopting at the same time. Our boys came home from different sides of the globe within 2 weeks of each other and we marvel at just how far they have come. From there we traveled on down the road to say a quick hello at our family reunion. Admittedly, we were there for a very short time which is Mama's fault. I missed many of the reunions over the past 12 years because I hated going to a FAMILY reunion without the family I had lost. Now, I don't know many of the people there as geography has dispersed us far and wide but we went so that Corbin could hang out with "Baba GG" for awhile and get his fill of "noses" in. Touring on homeward, we did a pit stop at Great Grandmas where he visited and met more family for the first time. The highlights were swimming in the lake, hanging with "Mushi", seeing his favorite boy cousin Connor who is also adopted, noses with GG, the bouncy house of course and counting pump jacks all the way home. Next stop: Boston. Corbin is coming out of his skin waiting to ride the, "big rocket airplane to Steph's house!" where he will meet another Russian comrade Misha who has been loving home for 3 months now.

Batten down the hatches Steph... we're on our way!!!

Honorable discharge

2011-07-25T23:06:00.000-06:00

Today was our last IA doctor follow up appointment. The only thing Corbin needed clarified was, "Doctor, I don't need pokes today OK? I'm not sick and I don't like pokes" Little does he know that next week is his last round of immunization catch ups... there will be tears... there will be pokes and there will be a slurpee (I promised). We were in and out of the children's hospital escaping the dreaded pokes and honorably discharged from their program with no recommendation other than see your regular doctor in 20 minutes. Final measurements taken - the doctor completing her fellowship checked the numbers twice and said, "good job big guy!" with a high five for muscling through 11lbs and 6 1/2 inches in one year from 25percentile ht/wt to 65%... I no longer worry about if he's eating OK :) I asked about pre natal / post natal nutrition possibly affecting his adult teeth and they dismissed that saying appears to have caught up nutritionally and should have no problems. I know I'm lucky - we're lucky. He's healthy, he's on track physically, emotionally, intellectually and behaviorally. There has been a lot of heated discussion on the adoption boards these days on the risks associated with Russian Adoption and I am thankful every day that my boy is perfect for me. He may not be perfect and Lord knows I am certainly not but... we're pretty perfect together. For fun, we did a "given your child's current stats, how tall will he be at 18 years old". At 6 feet tall he'll be big enough to keep me in line that's for sure!

First drink from the hose

Insert screaming like a 5 year old HERE... followed by uncontrollable giggling

Here's some pictures from the weekend in the backyard splash about. My neighbor caught my attention over the fence to tell me, "I could listen to the sound of children's laughter every day" and I answered, "me too..." just when he caught me dead on with the hose... and I squealed like a 5 year old and he laughed until he fell over in the water.

The Amazing Nanny Diaries

2011-07-20T00:20:00.001-06:00

Today "Miss Adi" has been with us for 2 months. I keep joking with people that I completed 2 international adoptions in one year: one Russian, one Peruvian :) It's similar in some ways because I worried about how she would make the transition, how she would handle all the changes in language, food, and culture and most of all how she would deal with being so far away from the people she loved. On a personal front, I worried how I would handle having someone in my home. I hesitated knowing how particular I am about certain things and worried a lot about handling being someones "boss". I also ruminated about personal space and laundry... did I want someone else washing my "unmentionables"? Well, in short, the first time I came home to find my undies folded neatly into tiny little packages and my socks color sorted into sections in my drawer... well... I got over it. Adi is the perfect addition to our team. She LOVES Corbin and has the kindest, warmest, most welcoming personality that any parent could ask for. She beams when Corbin gets excited and has struck out on the bus and C-train to take him swimming and to the local amusement park. She takes note of the small things and is diligent in everything she does. Corbin is happy, my house is tidy, the dog is walked, the laundry is done (the laundry fairy heard my prayers!) and she cooks AMAZING Peruvian meals. My life would not be as smooth, fun, focused or easy without her here. Corbin is learning Spanish and does fun educational activities / games every day. I wake up and can focus on getting ready and him without worrying about the details that are simply a part of life and when I come home, I'm all his. To those single Mama's (or families) contemplating life with a nanny, I vote whole heartily for it. For me and for Corbin it is 100% the right choice.
In other news, I'm still paperwork fatigued and avoid it at pretty much all cost... which has resulted in my having to get Corbin's US travel visa since I haven't had much jump in my step to complete his Canadian Citizenship / passport. I picked it up tonight and will be booking our vacation to Boston to visit another Adoptive Mama and her boy who have been home from Russia for almost 3 months. I can't wait to see Boston, the Cape, and Martha's vineyard where Steph has strategically located access to vacation properties fully equipped with welcoming friends to visit with (and boats and beaches). We also will get a quick trip in to Saskatchewan to see friends and family at our family reunion. Corbin is thrilled to be going to see "Mushie and Baba GG" Other than that, the summer is rolling along in fun fashion! Soccer is done and Corbin had a blast. Corbin experienced his first Calgary Stampede last week and we both had so much fun. Corbin got to see all sorts of farm animals, the grand stand show complete with fire works, eat corn dogs, pancakes, learned to yell "YA HOO!" and wear a cowboy hat. Mama got to spend time with friends at a fancy party, see Sugarland and Kenny Chesney in concert, eat corn dogs, remember why hangovers hurt so much :( and wear a cowboy hat... we had a blast! All in all, we're having a great time and looking forward to the rest of the summer ahead. Corbin continues to roll along. His final IA doctor appointment is next week where I expect we will be discharged from their program. My favorite thing these days is bedtime where after he ensures that all of his "GUYS" are safely tucked in he hugs me tight and tells me he's glad I'm his Mama. He told me tonight that the Baba's promised him I would come back and he would go to a new house to live with me forever... and that he's happy I brought him home. So am I little dude... so am I.
Good night! Spa-coina-nochey! Buenas Noches!

He shoots... he scores!!! U4 "power turtles"

Miss Adi and a backyard wiener roast with friends

I can't explain this... except for mmmmmmmmm

Such a good pair (watching Canada day fireworks)

Cousins - how much difference a year makes. We have the same pictures from last year. 6 1/2 inches and 11lbs...

Mama don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys...

first corn dog... so good!

Now he wants a horse AND a motorbike. Oivey.

Living inside the frame for a moment

At the end of the day, he's surrounded by love

Minutes turn to hours, hours to days... those days complied our first year home

2011-06-24T23:50:00.001-06:00

Sappy sentimental or might make you laugh??? This one is for the ankle biter who has brought the smile back to my life. This is how we celebrated one year home:

Reading his favorite book "I love you like Crazy Cakes" to Corbin's preschool class and talking about adoption

Me and Miss Adi with our "Crazy Cakes" ready to take to school.

The eating of the Crazy Cake

Miss Leslie (Corbin's teacher) and his favorite friend at school. They stick together like 2 peas in a pod.

Toasts to "One Year Home Mama!" after our trip to see Cars 2. Yes... begrudgingly it's McDonalds... lest I deny his request on this special day. At least he does eat any veggie on his plate.

His first trip to build a bear yielded his new friend "Mater the dinosaur" hmmm I wonder what inspired THAT name???

One year ago, after 2 flights, two mid air meltdowns (one mine, one his - well mine was a melt down, his was a night terror - he gets the pass on this one) figuring out that he was TERRIFIED of the airplane toilets (OK it wasn't hard to figure - he clung and clenched his tiny cheeks anytime we got in the vicinity of the flying loo - he had the LONGEST pee ever at YYC airport), eating "stinky fish" on Aeroflot for the very last time and announcing to the first person to hug me after coming through the gates at home to the cheers of family and friends, "sorry I smell bad" we were home. Finally being able to relive the grand finale of our arrival on video taken at the airport made me think of a few things:

It was a Thursday afternoon - shouldn't all of you slackers have been working? (thank you for not working that day... it means the world to me :) The crowd was big, the cheers were loud and someone brought me a Jugo Juice... you won the gold star for the day (up until Kelly showed up on my doorstep with wine... you suddenly slipped to silver star)
I'm grateful Tag didn't rip the thule off the top of my van in the parkade.
OK I see all of you snapping pictures in the video... now I need to stalk you until you to send them :)
Good thing I wasn't driving... I couldn't articulate clearly what day or time zone I was in never mind recall with confidence which side of the road we drive on here???
Boy I looked like I could use a beer. I was gonna miss the OPTION of buying it at the side of the road... (and I say OPTION because I never did buy a piva from a road side stand but you don't know when you might WANT to be able to... alas it will remain a Russian privilege).
Where the heck was my sister and Mom? - OK the decorated house, chicken stew with dumplings, cake and welcome were worth seeing you scramble in bringing up the rear.
Hmmmm.... I think I had a dog... yup... I'm pretty sure I did because if I heard "good yeh moi sabacka? (where is my dog?)" from Corbin just one more time I was going to be forced to figure out the driving thing and get her that night - we dealt with that later.
Balloons, dinky cars, teddy grahams, flowers, gift bag of wine (thanks Nik - you knew Shiraz says 1000 congratulations in a language I am fluent in) hand made welcome home posters and the big CHEER!!! sign - where was the mayor with the tiny white cowboy hat???
International bathroom ranking: A+ Canada... you are among the sanitation elite in the world. There were no foot prints beside an open chasm, the toilet paper was remotely plush, no ominous looking Baba guarded the door for her 3 rubles and automatic flushing... I need say no more.

We were home and it was heaven. The drive home was surreal - you in your car seat, me up front... this was really really real. We were home...

We didn't play by the adoption rules guidebook chapter 4, paragraph 2 that states: "Thou shalt cocoon. Arrive in a shroud of silence and go directly to your home veiled in darkness and anonymity where you shall remain for a period of no less than one month. Do not pass go, do not give some random Russian official a stack of ironed unmarked $100 bills - just go directly home - alone - and stay there." We had family friends and random strangers in the crowd at the airport cheering for us, a family gathering at the house, a friend who arrived to help Mama bath him (OK she actually just held my wine glass while I fetched tub toys and lathered) before I shooed her out to rock my son gently to sleep for the very first time. Exhausted yes... smelly... still. Bath, vino, skype from the tub and the sweet sweet slumber in my own amazingly comfortable... nope wait a minute - I valiantly tried the co-sleep thing for 4 nights and then peacefully returned to the sanctity of my own bed with bags under my eyes and little elbow marks up my side.
We rolled with the punches, settled in and figured one another out. Well, the figuring is pretty much over - I know him - he knows me. The verdict is in: we like one another. I looked at the post it note on the board in my office that I refuse to take down. In scrawled penned numbers that I used to estimate / guesstimate and count the number of days in until we were home. June 24th is circled in red ink. June 24th was the day... we did it kid. We made it.
I no longer count time in terms of number of sleeps or If / then ("what if the document is received / approved / reviewed" by xyz date then that means I could...) or have my mind wander to dream about what you are doing. I no longer have the knot in my stomach and I don't count the time you've been home in days or months... you've been here a year and I am so very glad. Yes, sometimes you are like a bad room mate who gets to eat all the good food, bums rides places, makes me pay for everything, takes my money and spends it on things I'll never use but, you are the best "room mate" I've ever had. I hated the well intended platitudes back then of you will "forget" the pain but I will say I no longer recall it with the sensitivity and reverence I thought I'd never shake. At the end of the day, if I could have chosen an easy, fast route but it wouldn't have brought me Corbin... well... that's rhetorical now isn't it?

Your innocence, your enthusiasm, your unwavering love... I love you like crazy cakes my boy. You have filled my life with wonder, laughter and love. One down and the fun has just begun.
xoxoxo Mama

Letter of resignation

2011-06-23T10:29:00.001-06:00

Dear Mr. Corbin,
I am writing to you today to thank you for allowing me to be your employee for the past year. When I started on your team I wasn't sure that my previous experience would allow for me to provide the quality work that you demand. Looking back on our time together I have found you to be very patient, kind and forgiving when I make mistakes or don't do things exactly how you might have liked. I have learned a so much with you as my boss and your great sense of humor and quick laugh has made the duties so much fun. But, I can't say that the last year has been all skittles and rainbows. You have been hard on me. You have made me cry. You have kept me working late into the night and demanded that I be at work before I have even had time for a morning coffee. I regularly carry you and I clean up the mess you leave behind every day with a smile. I have learned a huge industry specific vocabulary including "sippy cup", "soapy truck", "cons-ruction", the difference between a "back hoe" and a "track hoe", and am also now familiar with all associated team members and their duties including Thomas, Percy, James, Bertie, Harold, Toopy & Binoo and have garnered strange looks when using this vocabulary outside of our working environment. I have been vocal about my pride for your personal growth this year as well. I hope that you have heard me cheering as you succeeded at doing something new or accomplished a task you had been working hard on. Seeing you smile back at me is all the payment I need. Nothing about this job makes me happier than seeing you succeed and grow. I hope that you recognize my efforts in helping to expand your network of associates and enjoy their company in social circles. I have watched these little people enrich your life and make you smile. Sharing and learning with them has given us so much more to talk about and I know you look forward to seeing them as often as possible.
So Mr. Corbin, it is with mixed emotions that I come to you today to give you my resignation. Although you have been everything I could hope for in a boss I resign to be a better employee today. I resign to regain balance in my life by job sharing with another employer. While this corporation does not have nearly the family orientation that you have provided me, it does offer compensation in a currency that can be utilized to pay the bills and fund our future adventures (the gummy bears you offer as trade are not widely accepted currency unfortunately). It will afford me the time to be with you to watch you grow and learn on a daily basis but provide an outlet for me to return to 5 and 6 syllable medically related vocabulary that bring a smile to my face. I will regain the ability to get things done quickly so that they don't impact the time we spend together. Going forward, I hope you will be flexible with this new arrangement and enjoy your time during the day which will be spent with my assistant Adina. Our overall schedule will not change: I will continue to read to you every morning when you come into my "office" and wake me up from my nap, I will help you choose your "suit" for the day and ensure you have a good breakfast, your day will be spent playing and learning and exploring with Adina and in the afternoon I will cross the hall from the new office full of desks, paperclips, printers, and teleconferences with the promise of fun activities since there will no longer be messes to clean and household chores to do. I can commit to you that, I will be there for any and all important activities and accomplishments with short notice. I will be the one to comfort you when you are sick, afraid or lonely - just call and I will be there. I resign to do better, try harder and continue to be an employee that you see being on your team for eternity. As I head back to the professional work world I know that I will treasure coming home to my second shift in a corporation that makes me feel like the most important employee on payroll. I am thrilled to be taking on these extra responsibilities and promise that there will be swimming, road trips, bike rides, ice cream, camp fires, and even some surprise afternoon adventures just to see you smile. As I head back to work we start a new adventure and this employee will see if her suits still fit. I love you very very much - always and forever.
Signed, Mama

Dear Mama,
I want a grilled cheese sandwich shaped like a train with broccoli smoke and carrot tracks for dinner. Please turn on Micky Mouse before you start using those words I don't know and stop telling me to be quiet when you are on the phone. My company has always been based on a foundation of enthusiastic communications done at a HIGH volume - that is unlikely to change. I hope Miss. Adi likes my stories. And, one more thing; I love you very very much - always and forever. Now go make some money - this bread and water thing is getting old!

We are most certainly NOT the Cleavers...

2011-06-17T10:49:00.004-06:00

Well, since I am a single Mama to one child, we are more like the "Cleav's" - we're missing a few consonants and a couple vowels but we're family and it works. This blog topic was suggested by a fellow blogger (you will see many blogs with this title today) as an opportunity to tell about the "ugly" or "real" parts of adoption that don't often make the blog. If you know me you know that I wear my heart on my tongue and in my blog, there isn't a lot that I don't include... but there is some.
The some that I refer to isn't what I had prepared myself for. I did the time waiting, read the books, the blogs the on line adoption sites for Russia and I felt comfortable that I'd at least know where to look for help. Perhaps I am simply a naive person who through some hard knocks in life has become accustomed to figuring things out alone and looking on the bright side but, I don't feel like there have been any issues that specifically relate to Corbin having spent 3 years of his life between a less than optimal birth family and an orphanage. Maybe Corbin being my first is a blessing - ignorance is bliss. I don't have other children to compare him to in terms of milestones or achievement but I don't think I'm blind to what other children his age are accomplishing / enjoying or learning. I re-read this part and wanted to add that I did something up front that to me makes a huge difference: I was careful and definitive in using an IA doctor that I trusted implicitly to take the emotion out of deciding on a referral. I had my heart broken in turning down a referral that without her (Dr. Bledsoe) I would have happily accepted. She counseled me and advised me to decline. It wasn't what I wanted and if I'd followed my heart, I'd be writing a different post today. Does using an IA doctor mitigate risk 100%? No. Did I trust their experience and advice and know what my limitations were? Yes. I was braced to say no if I had to and for me, it was the right choice. Corbin was meant to be mine. A preemptive piece of adoption advice? Know YOUR limitations and trust your IA doctor. I knew I couldn't parent a child with high special needs and chose to limit that risk as best I could. The happy part of my "we're not the Cleavers" is that - developmentally, socially, educationally, physically, and inter-personally Corbin has done incredibly well and would be indistinguishable from a "home grown" Canadian kid. The IA doctor we see at home says he's an easy case and laughs that he doesn't make her work very hard . I know I'm blessed because I know there is a strong chance that if you are undertaking an IA you may encounter some challenges in any number of areas. Development, health, attachment, sensory, trauma, pre natal exposure... you name it, it's a risk. I can't say for sure that I have gotten off scott free... but so far so good. It's weird but there are times that I feel like I am somehow judged for not having dirty laundry to air about things that Corbin is struggling with - like I'm hiding it or glossing over any challenges. I'm not. The 2 things we dealt with were dental work and battles over eating or rather the amount of time he took to eat. I don't feel like less of an accomplished AP because I don't have to deal with extra challenges - but I respect those who do.
So what have I not talked about? What's my dirty little adoption secret? Being a single adoptive mother by choice is harder than I thought for reasons I never considered. I don't talk about it because I don't feel like I have the "right" - after all, I CHOSE this... so don't complain. And I try not to. I arranged my "community" of support and they are... well... supportive and wonderful. Here's the trick: you have to become vulnerable and open to asking for help... and that's tough for someone who has lived just figuring it out proving that I'm OK on my own. Asking for help seems like the sensible thing to do, but for someone who chose this path, I'm conflicted because if I need help am I saying I can't do it on my own??? But didn't I know I would be doing it on my own???
I am blessed to be Canadian where we have the opportunity to bond with our newly adopted child for 37 weeks or so. All said and done, I chose to take off 53 weeks in the pursuit of bringing Corbin home and settling in. I felt the situation demanded that I take off whatever time I could to ensure that Corbin was content and secure in his life and home. It was a wonderful albeit long, hard, solitary year. When you are on your own, there is no one else to share the load financially, time wise or just conversationally at the end of the day. Everything I did was a consideration of money, or time. Nothing was a fast 5 minute stop - there was always the car seat tango, the game of 9zillion questions, Mama can I have that please... and 25 minutes later I triumphantly would buckle back in with the coveted toilet paper that led me there in the first place. This isn't unique to single AP's, it's a reality of single parents everywhere. Next it's the 5pm lock down: If it's not in your fridge, in the pantry or in the house next door, it wasn't getting got until the next day at the earliest. Lock down - dinner, bath, books, bedtime. I couldn't run the dog, go to the store, go for a drink or dinner... it was lock down. Which leads to the next point: Babysitters are expensive. I continued to play soccer and hockey for my own sanity. They were often after Corbin was in bed - I just needed a sitter to hold down the couch and keep the remote company. After dues, gas, and sitter, I figure each game cost me about $50... now I love the games and the social aspect but OUCH! Having a sitter led to another complication: Thou shalt rush. It's 11pm and the final whistle goes. Now begins the get out of your equipment scramble (don't shake hands - you'll save 2 minutes). I was out of my gear and had my shoes on before most of my team had untied their skates or cleats. I'd RUSH home having missed the after game laughter and companionship and come home feeling physically exhausted (good) and empty because I didn't fill my friendship / adult conversation tank (bad). Then there would be the "hey, do you want to go out with the girls" invites... which begged the financial consideration that often ended with, "I can't because of xyz" reason I made up because I couldn't justify the cost when I was going in the hole deeper and deeper each month. I spent a lot of time alone... which is deafening. I did a lot of grocery shopping because I could be with people - yes they were strangers and I technically didn't have any conversations but Corbin could be contained in a cart and I could buy things that weren't frivolous (like new heels or clothes) - I stocked up (see my freezer full of discount chicken thighs, pizza, roasts...) but I was out where adults were talking. (note: a cart is REQUIRED for shopping, otherwise it's like walking the isles with a blender... with no lid).
I think there were points that I would say I was depressed - not with my son or because of him... but because of the isolation. I can only imagine how much harder this would be on your own having a child who came home with additional needs or if I had to go back to work right away. Would I trade the time off I had with Corbin? Not in a million years - I just didn't think it would be that hard or lonely. Having a spouse to share the trials and tribulations with would make all the difference. I now treasure my alone time doing adult work but can't wait to come home to hear about the triumphs of his day. My nanny... that's en entirely different and glorious blog post in and of itself - is my saving grace - more on that topic another day. So, advice for the single girls taking on adoption? Have girlfriends over for wine and sleepovers, don't rush home when you have a sitter. Take the extra 10 or 15 minutes to fill your tanks and ask for help. When you figure out the last point, please message me... I still suck at it.
So no, we most certainly are not the Cleavers but we have learned to be a pretty incredible dynamic duo. Under medicated, over worked, over joyed and loving being a mom to my really awesome, totally adorable 4 year old son who thinks the sun rises and sets on his Mama. Yeah, that's right - someone thinks I'm the bomb... how could I stay in a funk knowing that?

First "Famiversary"

2011-06-16T17:52:00.004-06:00

Paka Paka Babas. The one in the blue cried and hugged him tight. She loved him special - she love him best

Dressing my boy for the last first time

Nothing beat watching him sleep

My favorite trip II picture - he's so small

Corbin and Zhenya... sweet sweet Zhenya. If only my suitcase were bigger.

Bath #1 - not sure if he was cleaner before or AFTER the bath in the dingy tub. That smile... oh that smile.

Natasha the lovely

Like it was yesterday: I had waited out the 10 days impatiently to board the overnight train from Khabarovsk to Komsomolsk and was welcomed by a hot, sticky and anxious ride. It was quiet and tense. My facilitator Elya (or the horned beast as I liked to call her) had quit after my court date (and collecting her money while trying to extract more from me for "extra fees") and become very elusive in providing any sort of service to me. I was to be at the train for our 10pm departure by about 9:15 and she was to pick me up at Anna's apartment at 9pm. At 7:45 I received a message saying that I would have to take a cab to the train station as her plans had changed. Hmmm, that seems about right, send the foreign girl who doesn't speak Russian in a cab with all of her luggage to the train station because you are too lazy to do your job - sorry - I guess I'm not completely over it. (BREATHING DEEPLY. Like it was yesterday). Thankfully I had Anna and Ole so that I didn't have to fend for myself. We loaded into the train compartment in silence and Ole and I took the top bunks. There were few words spoken as the final passenger joined us. She was a middle aged woman who disembarked after only a few stops. I found the train peaceful and safe even though the heat was stifling. Sleep didn't come easy but the drone of locomotives wheels had a way of taking the edge off and allowing me to rest. As the sun peaked through the gauzy curtains, I quickly rolled up the prickly woolen blanket and crunchy flannel-esque sheet placing them back on the fold away shelf. The bathrooms were always an adventure where you figured out exactly how long you could hold your breath for and tried to avert your eyes from watching what may have flowed under the rubber mat on the floor. We were greeted at the station by Natasha. Natasha was... well... interesting. She was a much more sane driver than Anton was from trip one (read: she didn't try to kill me... not even once). She was writing an exam that day so had arranged for some other guy who charged WAY more but at this point, it felt like resistance was futile - I just wanted to get there. We checked into the dingiest hotel you can imagine and paid by the hour as a place to put our things and maybe have a nap in after we returned from picking Corbin up. We arrived just after the children had been put down for their nap. I wasn't really just a visitor in the baby home anymore - and the baba I liked best told me I could "go and get my son". I walked through the silent halls my feet skipping over the broken tile mosaic floor to a crib with a number that would no longer be home to my son's dreams. There he was - sweaty in his underwear, looking up at me with his big grey eyes and a smile. He reached for me and finally said goodbye to the room full of "cra-vat-kies" I was in such a hurry to get him out of there... in retrospect, I wish he could have hugged his little friends goodbye. Perhaps that would have only been for me - we'll never know. Quietly, in the directors office we laid out the gifts we had brought and I dressed him to leave. It was about a million degrees out so the shorts, t-shirt and sandals were just fine. You were measured and weighed one last time - 27.5 lbs and 90 cm tall. We exchanged hugs, tears, cards and took some photos before unceremoniously piling into the van to head to our new life together. There was a trip to the amusement park across the street with associated train rides, driving of cars, parks to play in and bottles of water to drink (you were so dehydrated and it was so so so hot) and a poo-nami followed by yet another bath. After bidding adieu to "The Visit" hotel, we boarded the train bound for Anna's.

And the celebration began.

Today, you have grown in every way conceivable and in more ways than I could have ever imagined. As I sort through the first season of clothes that you wore last year I am reminded of how physically you have changed. Last night after your bath you weighted 39 lbs and measured 114 cm tall placing you on the top half of the charts for all measures. You came home wearing size 2 and even some 24 mos old clothing and now, I'm sadly retiring anything smaller than a 4T. I could list all the wonderful things about you but this post would go on forever. We've grown as a family and it's safe to say we are both 100% in love. You are my son and today we celebrate our "Fami-versary" (otherwise known as "gotcha day") . I couldn't have asked for a more perfect match. You are the face I love to see in the morning and the sleepy eyes I tuck in each night. You are the happy voice on the phone in the middle of my day and the flying hug with endless stories when I come through the door at the end of the day. One moment it seems like an eternity since you've been here and the next, it's hard to believe a year has already passed. Forever is a long time, I'm glad you are ok with that.

xoxoxo Mama.

My soccer coaches aka "the Grandpa Guys"

For every tear I cried... this says it better than a blog full of words.

Nom raj din ya - Happy birthday my son

2011-05-24T01:10:00.002-06:00

To MY Son on your Birthday,

Waiting for his friends to arrive

Corbin's "girlfriend" from school and Ash...

the fray of opening gifts

Twin brother is watching you Corbin... that smile is a bit too smug for Coop :)

The moment he was waiting for - cake #2

everyone needs a piñata!

all of C's peeps

2 diggers and a Mama. Good day all 'round

Cake #1 - family party

What a difference a year makes. On May 19th last year I boarded an airplane bound for Russia with onward connections to the rest of my life. After meeting you at Christmas 2009, I confidently planned on being back in time to celebrate your 3rd birthday. In my heart you were mine and I couldn't fathom you spending another one without a Mama. That date was 5 months away - it couldn't possibly take that long to get a court date right? With every delay and snafu the grip on my heart tightened as I watched that likelihood start to disappear. When I was notified of my court date, my facilitator happily announced that I would be able to see you on May 24th... the day after your birthday. I said no. Full Stop. Nyet. Non. Not gonna happen as in - are you seriously serious??? She knew your birthday was the 23rd and had heard my repeated chants for months of, "I need to be back there by May 23rd". I simply stated that I was happy to leave a few days early and spend extra time in country so that I would be able to be with my son on his birthday. I could feel her eyes roll here in Canada but she complied and I arrived in time to visit on the 22nd. That night after our long awaited reunion, I made the trip to the upstairs toy department at the Komsomolsk Super Mart where I bought small trinkets to give you in the play room.

"Nom Raj-din-ya"... I beamed, but your smile had little to do with an understanding of the celebration that implied. I brought bananas and cookies and corn puff snacks that looked like no cheese cheesies to share with the other children. They were quietly handed off in the dark hallway with no fanfare or even much of a thank-you. I felt like a birthday to the Baba's simply meant another baby in a numbered crib... another mouth to feed. My Nom-raj-din-ya... the only interest in the day anyone had likely shown but to me, it was every moment I had waited for. You in your bright orange sweatshirt and overgrown hair were the most beautiful birthday boy I had ever seen. We played inside with your new Russian leggo and train puzzle and my heart was home. I made it there like I promised I would.

I couldn't wait to share a lifetime of happy birthdays with a boy - MY boy who so richly deserved someone to celebrate the day he came into this world. Today, we did that, and again, my heart was home. Yesterday you watched as we tried in stealth mode to put together your play house (which isn't so stealth after 4 or 5 hours?) and didn't believe a word of it when we tried to convince you it was just a big dog house for Ryan the neighbor's dogs. Watching you vibrate and squeal, "For ME????? THANK YOU!!! I love it... It's my FAVORITE!!!" can't be beat. Last year your home was a room full of cribs with numbers painted onto them, this year, you want to sleep in your house outside. Last year you melted my heart when you quietly counted to three as we jumped from the tires in the playground, this year as I tucked you in tonight, you melted my heart as you reached for my face, nodding my head side to side and recited the song from your favorite bedtime story, "I rock you back and forth, back and forth back and forth. I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my Mama you'll be. Thank you for my birthday cake. Today was my favorite day ever Mama". Oivey... the tears. What a year. What an amazing year. You have grown, you have loved, you have come home in every sense of the word.

I can't close this post without a hard thank you to a woman and a man in Selihino Russia who gave me the greatest gift I will ever know. You weren't perfect, but you gave my son life and contributed qualities that make him the little boy I adore today. I'll never know if it's his resiliency and ability to "go with the flow" that came from a bumpy start in life with you or perhaps his great laugh and associated grin to give you thanks for. Maybe I should thank you for his beautiful grey eyes and health. Perhaps his charm came from his birth Mom or his strength from his bio Dad. I will never know but what I can say is thank you for allowing me to parent a boy who was meant to be mine. Without you, there would be no Corbin... and without him... well... I'd be less of me. Thank you. In an imperfect way, in an imperfect life I thank you for my son. I don't know if he will cross your mind, but forever, on this day, you will cross mine.

Three Kisses

2011-04-30T11:53:00.004-06:00

Today marks 12 years from our accident. I wish you could know him. He's amazing. He's funny - he makes me laugh. He's loving. He's fearless - I'd love to watch you teach him to ski - you'd be way better at it than me - and don't get me started on skating... that was always your thing. He loves our family and beams at the mention of their names. He's beautiful - his smile lights up a room and his eyes are so full of wonder and life. He's animated. Like someone else I knew, he likes to entertain the crowd. He's friendly - again, like someone I knew, he walks in knowing no one and has invited people to his party while putting on his shoes to go. You and I had this thing... 3 kisses. I don't know why it started or if there was a reason, but I know that we always shared 3 kisses on the way out the door. It didn't matter long goodbye or short... I got 3 kisses. I am glad I remember our final ones. Now, my boy does the same. I often think of you when I collect my kisses from Corbin.
Scott, it's 12 years today that we had to say goodbye. I wish you could see him. I wish you could know him. I wish you could love him. I wish you could watch him grow. I wish you could be his Dad.

Over the dressing room where you coached some amazing young men is a quote from your memorial,

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will NEVER forget how you made them feel"

Scott took this team internationally to compete in a tournament in Russia. Now we've stood on the same soil amazed for completely different reasons.

Love you. Miss you. You loved me more in a minute than most people get in a lifetime.
XOXO Kid.

A pretty perfect 10

2011-04-25T21:10:00.001-06:00

Months that is. Yesterday marked 10 months home for my boy. It was a great weekend to celebrate Easter and mark the day. Pictures will get posted later as the camera got left behind at our SECOND Easter dinner. The weather was perfect and we've enjoyed getting out in the sun. Going to places we haven't been for a long time is a great way to see how he's grown and developed. The Zoo... so amazing to see how much he's learned and the things he is able to express now (for example he's not a big fan of some of the birds (I think Rio in 3D was causative to this sudden dislike or mistrust) or asking why baby animals don't wear diapers? His language has developed to talking about his feelings - "I like, I love, My favorite, I don't like, I don't want, I want it later, I'm angry, It makes me angry, I'm sad, I'm scared and even I'm hungry (he would never tell me this until recently? or I'm tired)" - this has opened up a whole new area of conversations for us. On our way into the zoo he must have told me 10x "I so 'cited Mama... Sooooo 'cited". Love it. This was repeated during the egg hunt the following day. I hate laundry even more than usual lately and that's because I'm turning brand new shirts and pants into the "that's too small" pile. I shouldn't have bothered with size 3 at all - I think he was in it for one laundry cycle. Size 4 it is... 4T is a little long but by next week we should be good lol. It was fun to see him wake up Easter morning to find the basket outside his bedroom door and the start of an Easter egg trail but have him come in and climb up on my bed first with eyes as big as saucers to exclaim, "The Easter Bunny... left some stuff on the floor" - so we explored together. Easter dinners - yes - plural were wonderful. He looks so forward to spending time with my friends children and pretty much vibrates out of his car seat before sprinting to the door yelling out the kids names to let them know he's arrived. He looked so handsome in his new Easter outfit but you'll have to trust me... my camera is still at my friends :(
My friend Steph left today to bring her son home from Vladimir and Corbin loves talking to her on Skype. He knows she is bringing her baby home just like Mama came to Russia to bring him home and it's sparked some interesting conversations and cuddles. It still catches my breath when he snuggles in and whispers I love you Mama. As I tucked him into bed tonight it ran through my mind that it shouldn't have been that hard to bring our kids home... quickly followed by I'd still do it if it were 10x harder just to know my son's love.
Times are going to heat up around here over the next month: Soccer starts this weekend, Steph gets home with baby, our nanny arrives, someone turns 4 and someone goes back to work (hint: the only "4" I'll be turning will have a "0" with it and that's not for a few years). It's gonna get interesting and it's always fun.

Unspoken Thank you's

2011-04-16T22:27:00.008-06:00

Although I had plenty of time during the process to say THANK YOU to those who deserved to be recognized, there are some people who I will never have the chance to say you made a difference, you kept me sane, you helped me get to the next breath, moment or day... and I wonder if they will ever know? Some of these thank you's I know I've said - but twice or 3x never hurts. Here's my list... and I could probably sit for days and keep adding on as the memories come back.

* Thank you to the friends who listened to me complain, cry, scream and repeatedly reach the end of my rope while I waited. You made all the difference in the world to me - you kept me sane. (or at least kept me from the psych ward)

*Thank you to those who have taught me humility while witnessing their process being harder, more complicated, more heart breaking and longer to persevere through. You remind me that you are stronger and more patient than me but that in the end, love is all that matters and somehow we make it through.

*To Dr. Bledsoe for being so definitive on my first referral and sensitive as I cried. Then, on my second in sharing my joy based on the same definitive advice.

*To the people at my bank who re did obscure documents in ways they had never seen without question and to my personal banker geek for driving in rush hour across town to get the bank manager to sign something on her day off then get it to me on the hiway so I could make it to FedEx.

*To the Fedex driver who delivered my travel visa for trip one 4 hours before I needed to be at the airport. I hope she enjoyed the bottle of wine and the happy dance at my door.

*To the mother and daughter across the isle on my late flight from Amsterdam who gave me their phone number and wrote me emergency notes in Cyrillic just in case I needed them. I missed my flight... and needed their sign but never had the courage to call.

*To the man in the grey suit from the Russian consulate at the Sheremetyevo airport on Christmas eve who became my Christmas miracle when he swooped in to rebook my flight and a hotel for me after a mix up with my travel visa. Your dry Russian sense of... was it humor??? not sure - kept me from a complete break down as I was alone, terrified, and didn't speak the language being stranded as the clock turned over to Christmas day not knowing how I was going to get from Moscow to Khabarovsk in time to get everything done before Russian Christmas break.

*To the young woman from St. Petes who befriended me in my stressed out, red faced from bawling, make up all over or absent, smelly from traveling 14 hours moments to make sure I got checked in ok at the hotel and asked to be my facebook friend so she'd know things turned out OK with my adoption. She still celebrates with me today.

*To the kind woman beside me on the plane who bridged a language barrier to tell me she was happy for me and made sure that I ate even though I didn't want to. To that same woman... I'm sorry for spilling my entire glass of apple juice into your purse... really really sorry.

*To the airport check in people for NEVER making me pay for my EXTREMELY overweight bags or making me check my GARGANTUAN back pack. I promise to never be overweight again... maybe.

*To the driver Anton from trip one... thank you for somehow NOT killing us on the twice daily hiway drives between Komsomolsk and Selihino.

*To the Baba who held my hand and spoke to me in Russian in the visiting room while I said a tearful goodbye to Grisha on trip 1. Thank you for telling me not to be sad that you would show him my pictures and love him while I was gone. Some of the words I understood... the rest was just the care, concern, gentleness and motherly love in your eyes.

*To my lawyer friend who got the Russian lawyer on staff to expedite and manage the process for my time sensitive documents at the Russian Embassy - Evegny - we may never meet but thank you.

*To the director at the Alberta government who apparently can be a bear to pretty much everyone else but was always kind to me in my frantic obscure requirements for documents that didn't exist.

*To my mother for paying for the airline ticket to bring her only grandson home. The "gift certificate" will be in his memory book forever.

*To my friends for throwing me the most incredible adoption shower - I have never felt so loved as watching 30 women wipe their eyes as I read the meaning of Corbin's name.

*To Ole for giving up almost a month at home with your son to make sure I got home with mine.

*To Anna - amazing Anna who welcomed me into her home for 5 long weeks on trip two. For showing me the city of Khabarovsk, for taking me to the ballet and "making me" buy my fur coat, for making me laugh, for calming me down, cooking special Russian dishes for me, for showing me the beauty of the city and sharing the joy of Russian Champagne. Thank you for the celebration - the yellow Tulips, the home made lemon apple tart and for caring so much with your whole heart. I learned so much more about Russian culture, history and people just by being in your everyday world.

*To Irina the baby home director for her kindness and for going out of her way to get Corbin's passport picture done and driving 6 hours into Khabarovsk from Selihino (Komsomolsk Na Amur) for court. For joining us for a celebratory lunch and telling me she thought I'd be a good Mama. Thank you for giving me early custody even though mean spirited people didn't allow for that to come true.

*To my baby Grisha's little friends at the baby home: Anna, Karina, Alosha and the little girl whose face will forever haunt me, Zhenya... thank you for making my boy laugh and being his friends. I promise to never ever forget.

*To the court translator who after my speech grabbed my hand so tightly and whispered in my ear, "You did perfect... PERFECT... the judge won't have any problems I know it". I crumbled inside in that moment but somehow managed not to cry. Thank you too for hugging me with the most genuine celebratory hug after her verdict came in. This is one of the most amazing moments in my life... and I shared it with a woman whose name I will never know but it couldn't have felt more perfect.

*To the lady in the coat store in downtown Khab the first day I struck out alone to shop. Your kindness and extreme effort to communicate in English absolutely made my day. I get so many compliments on the coat you chose for me... but it's your kindness that I won't forget and international charades are hilarious!

*To the Ballet Dancer from Bolshoi who danced the part of the Jester in Swan Lake, for making small talk by asking what the English girl was doing in Russia for 5 weeks as you signed my program. When I told him I was there to adopt a little boy he locked eyes so intensely with me to thank me for what I was doing for this boy and for his country that I could honestly feel it in my soul.

*To Anya's friend Zhenya for dropping everything to be our taxi - to the ballet, to the train, to dinner, to the baby home 6 hours away to deliver my donation of the washing machine, 12 cribs, merry go round and fax machine. 2 am or 6am you were always there with a smile and the genuine hug when we left made me feel like family.

*To the Courtyard Marriott for after 4 weeks of sleeping on a plank provided feather duvets, soft pillows, dreamy pillow top mattresses and for being so close to the things I wanted to see.

*To Jenn and her children on the flight home who entertained me and my son for 8 hours with crayons, dinky cars and stories of inspiring hope and love from the other side of adoption.

*To the crowd of my family and friends that met us at the airport and cheered as I quietly cried tears of relief... it was over... we were home. It was just like I pictured it in my head for 2 1/2 years... you were all there... and we were home. The hugs, the tears, the celebration and the feeling of exhausted joy... couldn't have been more perfect.

*To all of you here or along my path who provided advice, support, laughs and encouragement on the way. The friendships I've made will last a lifetime and the stories... oh the stories we've shared.

*And last but never ever least, to my son and to Russia for honoring me with the privilege of being his Mama. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I couldn't have handed over a detailed list to some adoption God and hoped you could be any better of a match. Thank you for being my son...

Every mile of the long way home is worth waking up to your smile.

The long way home

View from the top

2011-04-10T00:05:00.001-06:00

It's been a great weekend and this post will be short :) Soccer teams are set and Corbin will get to play with his buddies Luke and Thomas, and, I get to wear a coaches whistle (read: herd cats, manage the bucket of oranges, carry kleenex, tie shoelaces, think up fun awards, and give lots of high 5's). Grandma is coming for a visit tomorrow and yesterday we skied. Corbin has seen pretty much every kind of lift now: magic carpet, platter tow, t-bar, chair lift and his new very favorite - the GONE-DO-LA! It's so much fun (except for the spring melt down that occurred on the last bit of the last run and I'm not talking about the weather!). It was a long day with a lot of mountain to cover for some 3 year old legs... I should have seen it coming. Here's why I love living close to the mountains and no, it's not a fake background!

Domestic Enemies of the Adoptive Mom

2011-04-05T21:53:00.001-06:00

As the ladies on www.rantsfrommommyland.com say "OH EVEN YESSER!". This is a blog entry that hits home to most of us out here in adoptive parents land. I'm in the process of putting together a little ditty on my experience with the "stupid schmidt" that people say... stay tuned :) Here is the link to their posting... and their blog... OH MY MAUD is it funny!!! http://www.rantsfrommommyland.com/2011/04/domestic-enemies-of-adoptive-mom.html
On the home front, things are just bumping along. Nanny is another step closer to arrival (on my top ten exciting things happening in my life list!), work is creeping ever closer to reality (oh to return to adult conversation, free lunch, rocking out in traffic to something other than "the wheels on the bus", mmmmmmm STARBUCKS!!! oh yeah... and a pay check!!!), school's back in with another round of "playball" which is a glorified gym class where kids learn to kick, throw, jump, roll, run, hop... all at the sound of the whistle, the weather is getting better all the time (the funk of the thick grey fog is lifting), Corbin has a "girlfriend" at school (maybe I should meet Hannah's parents since they have taken it to the next level by holding hands all the time???) and Corbin is officially eating me out of house and home. They measured them at school the other day for a unit on measurements and he is 40.5 inches tall and is creeping in 40 freaking LBS (I re-weighed him at home since I know our scale is accurate and it peeled off a lb but 38 is why my arms hurt hauling him in and out of the car seat)! Perhaps I should institute a goal of losing as much weight has he gains over the next while - like the scales of justice ;) His favorite statement these days (and I have a funny video of it) is, "This is DEEE-licious! DEEE-licious Mama... DEE-licious! I LOVE this dinner... it's my FAVORITE!!! (note: he seemingly has a lot of favorites). And for his closing act tonight, Corbin told me as he polished off his dinner, " Soon, I be big enough to drive and YOU sit in my special chair in da back" (as usual his statement was ended with "All-wite Mama?") followed by, "Where are da keys?"... Perhaps he should start with a 2 wheeler sans training wheels??? Yeah... I think we'll do that :)

Snowy's Special Secret

2011-03-29T20:18:00.000-06:00

Today was beautiful... FINALLY! It's been a long and cold winter and while I don't dare encroach anywhere near complaining (lest I be brow beaten with the statement of "I told you so" or "see, you didn't know what you were getting yourself into" or "I wondered how long it would be until you wanted your old life back") it's been an especially isolating time being at home. Again, I wouldn't dare complain about having a year off to hang out with my son because I know how fortunate I am to be afforded this luxury BUT as a single parent, it's a shift. I don't miss 99 OK more like 95% of the "stuff" but boy, when it's cold out and I've been house bound all day and the witching hour of feeding, bathing, story time and tucking in starts at 5:30 closely followed by lockdown after that, it starts to make a single girl feel a little like an island. So with that said, the sun finally broke through in all its blue skied glory and gave us a couple of days of mud puddles, melting snow and glorious, glorious fresh air. I still haven't figured out the trick to throwing the dogs ball in the snow (I've lost more than a few) but just going outside without 9million layers for 15 minutes felt like spring might soon be in the air. Kudos to the SAHM's who enjoy years at home with their children but I'm not one of them... I've been a "working girl" for too long to give up the independence and fun of being a professional outside of the home. I am so looking forward to having the nanny arrive so that I might remember the luxury of running into the post office without playing car seat scramble and 100 questions or what it's like to enjoy a drink with some friends without the mad race for home to relieve some friend who has stepped up to babysit or the sitter who should be at home in her own bed by now. But I digress. We've been waiting for the right snow conditions to make a snowman and today was the day. Corbin guarded the carrots like they were a prized possession and when I asked which one he wanted for our snowmans nose he told me, "No Mama, not one snowman, a snowman family!" We talked about it and decided we would make our family - a Mama, a Corbin and of course a Lyric dog. He has really started talking a lot about families lately. He puts his trucks into families (all the tractors or all the cars) and makes sure his stuffed toys have their families with them at night. He seems very proud of our family and told me one day at preschool pick up, "Our family doesn't have a daddy... but we have a Lyric and a Mama". So today, as we made huge snowballs for our snow family I smiled. Tonight at bedtime I brought out some new books that I dug out from the basement shelf (the upside to having so long to prepare for him coming home is the stashes of "things" that I bought along the way that I stumble upon). There were 4 books and I had him choose which 2 he wanted to read. One was, "Snowy's Special Secret". I vaguely remembered buying the book in that it was a story about a polar bear cub and his Mother and something special that the boy does for his Mom. To my surprise, the special secret that Snowy (the cub) makes for his Mother is a snowman family - him and his Mom... Corbin was delighted and with eyes as big as saucers said, "JUST LIKE US MAMA!!! HE MADE A SNOWMAN FAMILY JUST LIKE US!". What a nice way to end my day... snowman family on our lawn and a boy dreaming of carrots and stone noses in the other room. A good day - and finally some snowmen that we can be proud of :)

This one is for my Mom... finally... SNOWMEN just for you!

Corbin and his Lyric

I didn't plan on pictures but the neighbor came home so here I am no makeup and a ballcap - I think the snow rendition is a better looking gal!

Nine

2011-03-26T21:49:00.002-06:00

Nine months. The number of months a woman carries her child before welcoming him into the world. Nine months. Half the time my son spent in a baby home and half the time he spent in his birth family. Nine months. The number of months my son has spent here at home with me. Just as amazing as the growth that occurs in a nine month pregnancy, it's been amazing to remember back to how much Corbin has grown and changed since being home. Just today I was reminded by a team mate who hadn't seen Corbin since last summer just how much he's changed. At first she didn't look to see whose child it was directing the group of boys in their game of chase and tag but laughed as he explained why it wasn't ok to go past the stairs to the others - "it's dangerous, noisy and my mom said no. We 'haffa play over there". And off the troupe went. She did a double take and picked up her jaw from the ground when he giggled and yelled, "MAMA!!! MAMA!!! That's MY MAMA playing soccer!" at me on the field knowing he was the quiet boy in the chariot from the summer sidelines after having just came home. She just couldn't believe... he's grown so much and he never stops talking (I know... I know...). I look back to the pictures on the plane and even listen to his little voice saying, "puppy, da... Mama...da... ooohhhhh Mama" in the video from 2 weeks home and am amazed. Physical, emotional, confidence, language... exponential growth. Part nutrition, part opportunity and part love (in no particular order). I saw this little video and it first, makes me bawl and as I wipe my eyes... the last line of it gets me because that's my Corbin. He's not the "little adopted kid from Russia" he's just a regular kid... and that is amazing. When you start into this journey of adoption reading the books, blogs and websites (which by the way I can't recommend enough) you wonder how long it will take or how big the mountains might be that you will climb together as a family. Nine. Nine months... and he's just a regular kid. I am so very very proud every day of my "regular kid". That video is below... kleenex... you've been warned.

"Just" a regular kid

2011-03-26T21:37:00.001-06:00

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

2011-03-22T00:27:00.001-06:00

It's been stressful 'round these parts lately. In a little more than 2 months I'll be back to work and all the required organization, finishing up and preparation is squeezing in. No problem. I'm on it. Then there was a snag with my nanny application (I made an error) - no problem - I'm on it and things will be fine. Then, I decide that it's time that I sell the home that my husband and I built which throws a bunch of emotional dust into the air. I do my best to handle it. Then, I take my friend and Realtor over to see the property and... my tenants have not been kind. Every bit of flooring needs to be replaced... walls fixed... wood fixed... I just about cry. That's it... end of my stress rope. I wait until I come home to curl up in the chair and bawl! Corbin crawls into my lap, wipes Mama tears with his hand and says, "You're dripping... Mama no crying - I kiss you and make you happy". And I hugged him so tight. I am all out of deep breaths at this point and perspective isn't something that I thought I could find... until my sister said she would take Corbin for the night and I could go get some air. So I did. I tucked him into his cousins bed on Sunday night and talked to him first thing in the morning... but he was too busy playing to notice. Sunshine, skiing, fresh air... that always is a good day. I have never skied with my iPod before but today, I didn't feel like making small talk on the chair lift - so I did what I said I would never do and tuned out or is that in? The music helped to clear my head and then Mr. Chopra came on for a timely bit of perspective. I started feeling better. I logged some good mileage and my legs will thank me for it in the morning. I wrapped up skiing and headed to Banff to pick up "a few of my favorite things". Rocky Mountain soap shop - check, Evelyn's Coffee for a cookie and coffee - check, and a stop at the candy shop for a treat for my boy and a glorious, glorious surprise that made my day - check. On trip one I lived on Tic Tac Bold fruit flavor and was so sad to find out they are discontinued. Despite all of my efforts, there were none in the world (I even emailed TicTac to ask)...But today, lo and behold, there they were in all their glory. I bought pretty much every pack they had... oh yeah, and a semi truck pez dispenser. I left Banff with a better attitude, clear head and a voice mail on my phone. "Hi Mama, I miss you lots and lots. I have BIG kisses and hugs for you. See you in 3 minutes. I love you!"... then my sister took the phone to ask me to let her know when I'd be back in the city. That's a voice mail that's not getting deleted. I got more than misty... I couldn't wait for him to come through the door and neither could he. My sister told him to get ready to go and he said, "No, I stay here"... (uh oh... not a good sign for Mama!) to which my sister said, "But Corbin, Mama is waiting at home for you". he responded, "where's my coat?" and headed right for the door. He was so happy and cuddly to be home but told me all about his fun sleep over with his cousins. We didn't read "2 books" tonight, instead we cuddled and talked... for about 3 minutes until he fell asleep. I knew he'd be fine with the sleep over and all the fun times with the girls but boy oh boy, I haven't been that excited to see someone in a long time. I waited at the window and couldn't pick him up fast enough. In 2 days he'll have been home for 9 months. He's had regular babysitters (albeit the strong majority is when he is already sleeping) and had one other sleep over but this one was a resounding success for everyone. So now, I'm going to bed... after enjoying one more TicTac Bold :)

Photo Treasures

2011-03-17T20:30:00.000-06:00

For whatever reason it took me until yesterday to develop the photos on the 2 cameras that I left behind for the 5 months we were apart. I think mostly it was because I was gifted the 61 pictures from the Baba's of Corbin during his stay at Casa De baby orphanage. I got to see so much of his life and times. The pictures of him in his crib smiling up at the camera, the one of him hugging one of his little friends and especially the oldest ones from not long after he came to live there will provide him as much history and "baby pictures" as we will ever likely have. So back to the new pictures. More than anything, I got to see that they helped him to remember that he was loved by a Mama who promised to come back. Now I can't say for certain that he remembered me when I walked in that sunny day in May but I can now see that they did their best to try to keep showing him the photo album I left behind. There are probably 8 pictures of him on different days looking at the book. For me, this is a little piece of mind in demonstrating again that they truly do care for their children and that they want to help them understand as much as they can about life going on around them.
One of the most profound questions I had during the wait was "will he remember me?" - I'll never truly know if he did - he came out to me, smiled shyly and took my hand. At that moment, it no longer mattered if he remembered me - all we had was that moment... and every one after it. When we were home for 5 months (the same amount of time I was gone between trips) I pondered the question of if he remembered Anna from Khabarovsk - she was with him for only a few days. My answer was probably not. But Anna didn't give him a photo album full of promise and hope for a forever Mama. I'd hazard a guess that he probably didn't really remember me but now it doesn't matter a lick.

Walking vicariously down memory lane

2011-03-02T11:31:00.002-07:00

I can't help but wonder when the vividness of my trips to Russia will begin to fade and the details will become muted, replaced by the simple fact that I have a son from Russia? When will the sights, smells, feelings of excitement and fear, terror for the awful driver, remembrance of the bitter cold and then the stifling heat lose their poignancy only to be remembered as I pull up pictures from my time there? Not today. Today I waited excitedly for the text message saying my friend is on line with details of her own to celebrate - today she met her son. And, oh what news and what a celebration it is. We share some of the same details - single Mama, traveling alone, KLM, Amsterdam, Marriott in Moscow, little 2 year old boy to meet... so when she tells me her stories, I often have the pictures in my head to go with them. I remember my moments while I anticipate the excitement of hers. And her moments... her son... let me tell you... he is perfect and beautiful and healthy and that giggle... oh that giggle!!! Technology is amazing that this could all be shared on line from a hotel room outside of Moscow. This little boy is everything and more this Mama was hoping for. The sweet look of contentment on her face as she watched her son proudly carry around his photo book with HIS MAMA and his new home - priceless. As we hung up on Skype I was left to my own recollection of Corbin's baby home in Siberia, walking in for the first time, the smell of bleach, the silence and the clickity clack of my boots on the tile floor, the door to the visiting room opening and him being led in by his hand... and time standing still.

Thanks to my friend for sharing her moment and giving me pause to remember the details of my own. I plan to spend some time today walking vicariously down memory lane as I can close my eyes and remember just how amazing it felt. I've wanted this for you since we stopped sharing pseudonym email addresses and watched helplessly as your dreams crumbled, only to be built up again culminating in the wonderfulness of today. I promised there would be a moment that everything would make sense - that you would recognize that you are EXACTLY where you are meant to be, and the boy in your arms was ALWAYS supposed to be your son... and today, you told me I was right (I LOVE being right!!!). Sharing this journey has already provided so many memories and I can't wait for our boys to be friends who make so many more. Here's to turkey jerky, piva, vada e gaz, early early mornings and best of all, here's to YOU AND YOUR SON! And, one last word (cuz I like to get the last word... and it's MY blog.) I'll leave you with a quote... from the queen of quotation (edit: it's not MY quote - from Facebook... and I modified it... for my son and for adoption - now it fits our families :)

I may never know the meaning of life, but once my son was adopted, I felt my life had meaning.
With love, Stacey & Corbin

My apple tree

2011-02-11T22:30:00.000-07:00

It's been said that the wind must have been blowing awful hard in Russia to carry that little apple from a tree WAAAAYY over there to the apple tree here, because it seems like my little apple didn't fall far from my tree. I've always been "that girl". The one who played with the boys and got scraped and bruised in the process but came home to dinner time tales of having beat Danny in a bike race down "killers hill" or climbed the highest in the pine tree playing hide and seek. For me trying my best and going as fast as I could has always been my forte. I didn't always win and the bruises might have been to my ego from time to time but I learned to be a modest winner who loved sport for love of the game and the feeling at the end of the day. Whatever I did I did with a smile and the best prize was my coaches hand on my shoulder thanking me for working so hard. It's been that way with the little Russian since he's been home. He just trys so very hard and those around him never go without noting the amazing smile constantly plastered on his face. Nothing makes my heart soar more than seeing him smile and enjoy the things I love and his huge smile gets even bigger when I tell him how proud I am of him.

Corbin strapped on his skis for the first time before Christmas and it's been down hill from there. Never without a smile, he tries his best every time out. He's skied with me and took a set of lessons that culminated with me in happy tears as I watched him, his teacher Ed, and his ski school buddy Ian ride away from me on the chair lift. After that came a crash course in me loading Corbin on and off the chair as I got to ski on the big hill with my boy. I'm so very very proud of him. Sorry for the video that might make you a little dizzy at times - my backwards skiing is coming along. The only thing you'll miss seeing is the matching smile on MY face. How did we end the day??? With PIZZA of course! Me and C... we're going to make some incredible memories and miles in this life - I feel like we're off to a spectacular start!
Oh yeah - footnote: the term "Making Pizza" for kids learning to ski means pushing their heels out while keeping the tips of their skis together resulting in the shape of a slice of pizza which helps them to control their speed and turn. ;-) otherwise known as a "snowplow".

My little skier at

2011-02-11T22:22:00.001-07:00

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Life, laundry and the love of shoveling

2011-01-30T12:54:00.001-07:00

The weather 'round here has been bizarre. 12 degrees Celsius one day, 8 inches of snow the next. (Do you find it strange that as Canadians we flip back and forth between Metric and Imperial measurements without missing a beat. Whatever.) So that day I decide to do all sorts of outside things. I strapped on the plastic hand guards (aka empty bread bags) and protective foot wear and waded into the dog run for a clean up. Trust me, there is no quicker way to ruin an otherwise beautiful spring like day than cleaning up copious amounts of semi frozen dog turds. Sure I still have to wipe little boy butt but ug... there was some gagging as I inadvertently could identify random things Lyric had indulged in (Tennis ball, lacy underwear (don't judge my laundry powress - I suck - and she found my white pile) and wooden train track just to name a few.) This is an activity that doesn't require an audience or commentary but I had both. The 4 legged turd producer stood guard at the top of the stairs flanked by her color commentary staff who gave directions and insight to my work. I can't wait until he's old enough so that I can return the favor and give directions like "there is more Mama - get that one" or "It's yucky in Lyrics toilet - you clean it" After that it seemed fitting to reward my hard work with a nice BBQ of Corbin's most often requested meal "Hambuger and fwench fwies" (with a side order of Mama juice to toast the nice weather and hard work). He was sitting at the table eating his salad and through a mouthful of spinach and tomatoes spewed, "DON'T TAKE MY FOOD OUTSIDE MAMA!!! WHERE YOU GOING WITH MY FOOD!!!" At that point it occurs to me that perhaps he didn't really remember me BBQ'ing in the summer but I flipped burgers with a smile and returned to a chorus of, "Where you cook my food Mama?" and "Deese Hamugers taste good from outside". We woke the next morning to heaps of snow which for a 3 year old is a world of fun but for me means aw crap... I gotta shovel all that... TWICE. It was good because it gave us a chance to practice the new found art of pizza making at the ski hill. I'm not going to overstate his skills (or mine) - he's 3 - the fact that he LOVES skiing and tries hard to do what I ask is more than I could hope for and he does it with a smile. The high 5's and cheers are more liberal and lo and behold, so are the snow plows. Now back to the laundry for a moment because I have a question. I'll admit, laundry has never been my forte - It gets washed but somehow gets stuck in a black hole between clean hamper and hangers. This morning as I sorted through an inordinate number of dirty hampers I couldn't shake the question of, "Do tiny little white undies personalized by sir skid mark qualify as whites or darks?" That may remain a mystery for life with the upside that by the time the bleach begins to fail me they are scheduled for being sized out and a new team of clearly white soldiers is phased in soon to befall the same fate of those gone before. (EDIT: as I reflect on this statement I'd like to defend the wiper and my capabilities. Over 37 a lot of years I believe I've mastered the art and when I leave him, the back yard is free from debris... perhaps the "wind" blows it in?) As I sit now folding this heap, it's a little sad as I'm creating a pile of "that's too small" things I lovingly collected for years before Corbin came home. He came home and I wanted so badly for him to eat and grow and prosper (and I still do) but in 7 months he has blazed from some stuff being 24mos to now wearing 3T all round. So for those of you anticipating your little one coming home, don't blink.

This blog entry was brought to you by the#6 which is the number of loads of laundry I've tackled today and the beep beep beep of my drier indicates that break time is over. There is nothing more motivating than realizing that my supply of comfy yoga wear is all in the dirty pile and having your son go commando for the morning because the cupboard was bear of skid free undies. And the cycle begins again. Stay tuned for more exciting adventures, next up is vacuuming and nanny recruitment (so excited and so close!). Just a day in the life... of a suburban house wife. Google it... I dare you ;)

Lucky #7

2011-01-24T23:34:00.000-07:00

Today marks 7 months home for the little Russian. With Corbin having a wee bit of a cold there was no monumental celebration outside of an extra long cuddle this morning and what was hoped to be a fun trip to the Children's hospital ended up with some sneaky needles that I wasn't prepared for. After starting all of his vaccinations over again and the associated "welcome to Canada" we need to check you for everything under the sun set of vials drawn on the first visit, he can smell a needle coming from a waiting room away. My poor guy cleared the clinic with his blood curdling screams and begging "no pokes today Mama". It took 3 people to get the first one done and a "blue like Thomas" Popsicle to try and distract from the trauma. After the hyperventilating and crying stopped we headed to what he really came to the hospital for... the big play room... which closed at 4. I shrugged and thought why ruin another perfectly good day, lets go upstairs to the lab and endure another round of blood curdling "NOOOOOOOO MAMA!" At least I gave the nurses fair warning. All in all a very reassuring trip. The IA doctor continues to be happy with Corbin. She was shocked to see how much he's grown since he came home - 3 1/4 inches and 8 lbs!!! He weighed in at 36 1/2 lbs and 99cm. No more extra cheese for you my little friend!!! The Dr. supports the idea of starting Corbin in Spanish language perhaps in the spring with a nanny and then preschool in the fall - we'll have to see if that works out. Anyone care to chime in their IA child learning another new language and how that went? So that's that. Tomorrow he starts "play ball" so it will be interesting to hear the tales of new things learned. Skiing he (no pun intended) turned a corner for a few runs last time out and actually made some pizza. Every time he sees the hill he tells me he wants to go to the top and go FAST. He now understands that that won't happen until he can STOP!!! We spent yesterday with the Russian welcoming committee having dinner and avoiding personal adoption conversations (which I'm getting better at doing). Corbin still doesn't enjoy people talking to him in Russian and got very clingy which is so out of character but now he has the language skills to understand that WE are going HOME TOGETHER.

In final news, Corbin's Dyeh-dushka Tony passed away after his brief but valiant fight against cancer. The service was beautiful and a testament to the life he lived, those he loved and the memories he leaves behind. I am so lucky to have had him in my life for 15 years... I selfishly wish Corbin could have grown to know him too. Rest well with the angels... you are in good company up there.

Finally... I won't have to avert my eyes

2011-01-16T12:50:00.000-07:00

It seems like forever since I've both waited in anticipation for and dreaded spring all at the same time. For me, it was the return to the field that I loved spending time on since childhood and for my heavy heart, it was watching the parents in line at Tim Hortons getting their morning supply of double doubles and Tim bits while their children buzzed about in their tiny little jerseys and cleats kicking one another in the legs to see if their shin guards were installed properly without an ankle biter of my own. I most often would avoid the fields by my house at dog walking time just so I didn't have to see them full of little bumble bees and springtime joy. Today is the day I avert my eyes no more. I hit ENTER and registerd Corbin for U4 soccer with his little neighborhood friends. April 30th... Corbin will take the field, bucket full of sliced oranges and peanut free granola bars on the sidelines for halftime, and I'll smile. April 30th... the day that for 12 years has been filled with tears and memories of the accident that took my husband away from being a Dad and me from cheering from the sidelines, will now also be Corbin's first day of soccer. I'm looking forward to coaching, cheering, freezing my butt off and drinking baileys and coffee while encouraging the bumble bees not to bumble.

Trip II and 6 months of adventures at home

2011-01-08T02:27:00.001-07:00

I always planned on putting together a second trip video... but life got away on me. Here is trip II and some of the life we've lived / loved & laughed through since being home. Today seemed fitting to post this - Merry Russian Christmas. Thank you Father Frost - you knew just what I wanted and just where to find me.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

So this was Christmas, 6 months and a blindside gift tonight

2011-01-02T22:56:00.000-07:00

I can't wait for all you employed friends of mine to return to work - you have completely worn me out this Christmas season with the jaunting from one amazing dinner and visit to another, family visits intermixed with skiing amazing powder and the overwhelming amazement of Corbin's first Christmas. Words won't do the story and excitement of it justice but suffice to say that my house STILL needs to be put back in order after the mayhem of Christmas eve and day. Santa hit the mark with everything he brought for my boy and he never forgot to say "hank you" which with a little extra effort becomes th-ANK YOU! Highlights were abound and this one came courtesy of my sister re-telling what was overheard in the stairway from the basement. Corbin went shopping with my sister's family to buy Mama a present - he picked out "jammas and slippers!!!" and kept that secret for a grand total of about 5 seconds inside the door while taking his boots off. My sister shrugged and said, "well, you don't know what color they are..." On Christmas eve my sister took Corbin to the basement to wrap my gift. He was proudly carrying it up to the tree when he stopped on the stairs, hugged the box, kissed it, and said, "for my Mama". Another amazing gift brought to me courtesy of my tender hearted little boy. Christmas morning... pure, unadulterated, screaming, tearing, happiness from every pore followed by sledding on his new GT snow racer and a very thankful Christmas feast shared with his cousins, Aunt, Uncle and Grandma.

I'll spare the details of our ski trip except to say that it was one year before that I walked into the cold brick orphanage and met my son for the first time. Nothing could touch that day but this year, the skiing was outstanding, meeting another Grandma and more family was touching but the highlight had nothing to do with any of that. I got my first unsolicited (read: he didnt' just repeat it after I said it first) "I love you Mama" as he casually walked away. I just looked at my niece and said, "that was a first" and smiled... a heart felt smile. But wait, there's more. That moments glory was overshadowed tonight. Bedtime came early in an effort to return to our normal schedule and we cuddled in to read our "two books". The second one is a single Adoptive Mom's staple - "I love you like crazy cakes" which is a story about the baby's adoption and how their family came to be. We read it and talk about our story of airplanes, Russia, Canada, how we met, detsky dom's, and his friends he had in Russia. He seems to get it and often will talk about the friends he remembers or make comments about being there that have to come from memory. He told me tonight that he waited at the door and that I came back. I hugged him tight and what came next as he cuddled into me made me bawl crazy happy tears. "You are my best friend EVER" he told me... through happy tears I asked him, "who is your best friend?" and he answered, "Mama... YOU are my best friend... I love you.". So, Ashton, even though you share your fun toys and my son adores you, I'm claiming this title for as long as he'll have me... Today was a red letter day :) Happy New Year - 2010 will be hard to beat.

Father Frost - Sled pulled by 3 horses represents "Past, Present & Future" in Russian folklore.

My friends Christmas miracle

2010-12-22T12:16:00.000-07:00

The adoption landscape and timeline is a lonely and trying one for even the strongest of families. When you are doing it alone it becomes even more barren. When time frames, and circumstances draw out to the unbearable, loneliness and heartbreak can't even begin to describe the feeling not only at the end of the day but also the beginning and middle too. This has been the case for a friend of mine for as long as I've known her. Our paths initially crossed after "meeting" on FRUA.org given that we were both single and at that time, going to be in Moscow to process travel visas for our sons at the same time. We were looking forward to staying at the Marriott together and toasting the end of one journey and the beginning of the adventure in parenthood. This was not to be. My friend who had met her son in February had 2 "postponed" court dates which dragged out into waiting for the bilateral agreement to be signed amounting to 10 months between trips. Last Monday she got the devastating news that the MOE pulled her referral and were asking for a new family to be matched with him... all solely because she is single in a region that was burned by a single adoptive mother with no scruples or shred of humanity. Can you imagine? Giving your heart and soul to a boy you've held and loved to have him ripped from you after being approved previously due to nothing you have done? And it's Christmas... Bah humbug is the most polite way to say all the bad words that seem fitting. But here's where the miracle comes in. Her agency kicked into overdrive - they are the best in the business. As my friend grieved heavily the loss of her long awaited for boy, they were working feverishly to make things right and find the boy who would fill the crib and eventually her broken heart. Friday just 4 days after her heartbroke, she got that call. I am honored to be the one she shared this happy but confusing and hard news with. How do you open your heart to fall in love with another beautiful healthy little boy after not being ready to let the other boy go? Wow... that's complicated. Slowly, gears began shifting and hearts warmed to the knowledge that perhaps this little boy is just what Christmas is about. Way back when, it all began with a boy, and so too is "PopPops" Christmas beginning with a boy. He's a raven haired spitfire. All I can say is - wow... this little guy couldn't look more like a bio if that were a special request. PopPop deserves every happiness and has shown incredible strength, resolve, dedication and unwavering love already in her quest to become a mother. Any child would be lucky to have someone so willing and ready - this little boy has no idea how much he will be loved and how hard his Mama has worked to love him into reality. May your Christmas be merry my friend and may your tomorrows be filled with the love you so richly deserve. I hope your travels will be FAST and smooth and we can't wait to meet your new man somewhere on the beaches perhaps next summer.
And that my blog friends is an amazing Christmas story. A child finds a family, a Mama finds her son, hearts are healed, lives are allowed to be amazing, and a family is born. Merry Christmas PopPop - You are an inspiration to me and I'm glad our paths have crossed.

Awesome to be "average" + Sad news

2010-12-19T23:25:00.001-07:00

Every day I pick Corbin up I think either a) I need to get some better upper body work outs in (perhaps shoveling snow?) b) I'm getting old c) Corbin is gaining weight by the spoonfull d) all of the above. (P.S. if you aren't sure, always pick C) I plunked Corbin on the scale again and he's sprung up to a whopping 35lbs which is 8 whole lbs gained in a year and 6 1/2 since he's been home. This was also brought on by dressing him today in new size 3 jeans that were just a wee bit long last time and now they are just right. The marks on the wall behind the bathroom door say he's grown 1.5 cm like 2 weeks. This doesn't seem possible - I thought I must have made a mistake so I checked... and nope - no rocks in his pockets and he was in sock feet so... the measurements stand. This puts him at 50% height and 65% weight. Eating and growing... every AP's dream. While I've never aspired to being average, this sort of average deserves a huge celebration.

In the really awful "Grinch that stole Christmas" news department, we found out that Corbin's Grandpa Tony has Cancer... and it's not a gentle sort of Cancer that gives you a gut check and an opportunity to get better. It's the kind that tells you that this will be your last Christmas and to love him as much as you can right now. Corbin loves his "dyeah-dush-ka" and it is so very sad to know that he will miss out on growing up with this wonderful man in his life. This summer Tony in the picture of health sat out back and blew bubbles with Corbin for an hour and brought him special dyeah-dushka tools so they could fix things side by side. Corbin tried to convince him that getting in his pool was a good idea and settled for being dried off after he got out and was freezing cold. I hate that I'm going to have to figure out how to explain that someone he just started to love won't be here for long enough for me to think of the right words to say to explain why he's gone. Tony is one of the great guys... strong, funny, silent more often than not, hard working, and has a huge love for his family... the world needs more Grandpas like that... life isn't fair... but it's good...
We will be spending Corbin's first Christmas at home and will see Tony and some of my in laws on Christmas eve day. Bitter sweet celebration of life on two ends of the spectrum... my boys first real Christmas and what will very likely be Tony's last....
How do you end a post like that? My Mother in Law needs all the strength and prayers she can gather - if anyone needs to catch a break in this life I'd vote her - Shirley you have carried an extra heavy load and if there were a way to lighten any of it I wish I knew how. So I guess I'll end it by saying, I'll be saying a special Christmas prayer for Tony and Shirley... if you have a second... they could use yours too... now is a good moment - it will only take a second...

There's something about Starbucks

2010-12-14T00:04:00.001-07:00

One year ago I was sad and certain that Christmas would be spent again dreaming of a faceless boy who would lay in in the empty bed in the prepared room across the hall. I resigned to buying a small token of Christmas to recognize the significance of the season without resenting the hauling out and putting away of totes full of festive decorations. I spent the evening quietly stringing popcorn alone to adorn the tiny branches of my tiny little potted evergreen. I dreaded each call to my agency to get no update at all and always hung up the phone feeling empty... until today.

One year ago I took the required deep breath and dialed my agency again looking for guidance and answers to the then pipe dream of "what if" a referral came at our Christmas. Who would be in the office to pass this on to my provincial director who was authorized to advise me that I had a referral? I was assured that my agency would pass the information along but told to phone the director at the government to find out their Vacation protocol. It was about noon and begrudgingly I called her. I began some scripted rant explaining that Russia runs on the Orthodox calendar and that it could happen... a referral on Dec 25th while we are all enjoying turkey with our families. She patiently waited for me to take a breath and interjected, "I hope that isn't an issue for you since I'm looking at your referral on my desk". I was speechless. We all wait for "THE CALL" and it turns out I had accidentally made it. It was Monday and they had received the file at end of day on Thursday but were waiting for more info and photos. I remember where I was - main drag of our city with a population of 1million plus and a semi truck behind me on snowy Canadian roads. I hung a sharp right with a brief lip service to my turn signal, cut said semi truck off and 2 wheeled it into the conveniently located Starbucks parking lot. Wifi is free and I was alone and numb. In the world of IA from Russia on the FRUA board "going to Starbucks" is synonymous with getting "the call". How apropos that I found myself in their parking lot again? This time there would be no call to friends or family... I needed to process this info on my own and after falling head over heels for my first referral, I was scared - no terrified of what if I have to say no again? I cautiously connected and hit receive about a dozen times waiting for a short medical and this...

I didn't know how to feel. I had my checklist in hand and growth chart beside me in a file. Current stats great... 30% height & weight, HC fantastic 80+ percentile, Apgar 9 /10... Philtrum - check, lip - check, eyes not too far apart and not too small - check, no cupped ears - check, no funny bushy "clown" eyebrows - check (all in the rambling research I'd done on FAS facial features - by no means scientific... just what I was ready to look for)... still numb. One black and white photo I'd reviewed before on the data base on my regular perusals. One sad looking little boy with tears in his eyes (perhaps because his pants were pulled up to his armpits?) that I later learned had arrived at the orphanage for the first time earlier that day to have his mug shot taken and the look on his face is one of confusion, sadness, fear, hunger and grief. I honestly couldn't even feel anything - not is he cute? Not what do I think? Not a single thing other than I need to wait for more information and I'd better call Dr. Bledsoe. On the road 2 days later after getting comfortable with the fact that I'd travel mid January if I accepted ( it was Wednesday at about 10 am) I received a call indicating that the additional photos had been sent and was asked if I could travel before the end of the year. It was Dec. 16th... I'd need to be on a plane in a week with a processed travel visa. My head spun as I again made arrangements to Wifi at Starbucks, this time with my Mom to review the additional info. I opened these photos and in all honesty... still felt numb and scared.

There was no elation, there was no relief... there was no OMG!!! this is it!!! I was so afraid of feeling hope and excitement... afraid of feeling anything. But, for the very first time I allowed some Merry into my Christmas and allowed myself a glimmer of "what if?". I remember that I had the Mariah Carey song "All I want for Christmas is You" on my blog at the time... and there you were, at Starbucks staring back at me. A year ago today, our lives together began. 2 days later after a resounding "Go Get him" from Dr. Bledsoe, on the 16th I said my first big DA! and the wheels began turning to bring you home forever. I will never forget the words that Dr. Bledsoe said over and over, "Stacey, there is something in his eyes... he's a RESILIENT LITTLE RASCAL..." over and over "RESILIENT LITTLE RASCAL" he will adapt, adjust and he will make it... some kids have it and some don't - I don't think I'm wrong about him... it's there for sure... Well, she couldn't be more right. I am blessed every day with a child who never missed a beat in adapting to me or his new world. I can't say that there are (or even were?) any "orphanage behaviors" or lingering adjustment at all - he just never looked back.

A lot has happened in one year. Today we will visit Santa for your very first picture on his lap, do some more skiing, and ceremoniously I'll wrap your very first Christmas gifts and lovingly place them under OUR tree... because forever, this day will be reserved as the day my tree was full up with forever... it became full up with the best gift I will ever receive... it is full up with the gift of you.

Random

2010-12-02T01:41:00.001-07:00

Wow... it's busy. From son up to son down I'm on the go. Gone are the silent moments (admittedly I get a few two days a week when he goes to preschool now) and my time is filled full up. I'm not complaining... and yes, I did anticipate pretty much all of the busyness but ahhhhhhh crashing in bed at night never felt so good. I take my Mama time to play soccer and hockey but find I'm having trouble just winding down even there because I'm so damned competitive - tonight, I made sure I actually was breathing on the bench at our game. I do need to slow down a bit and remember to breathe but everything seems to be done at flat out speeds these days. Speaking of flat out speeds, that's the perfect segue to our ski adventures. Corbin literally jumps into things with both feet - there is no part of this boy that stays on the fence. His ski boots were installed in the parking lot and he couldn't get locked and loaded fast enough. He is enthralled with the groomers on the hill but his focus was clearly on how to get back to the magic carpet as fast as possible from the top. Enter exhibit A and B - A was controlled and B... well... the Russian judge gives him a 10 for style points and I laughed all the way down the hill (so did the liftie!). Every time he got to the top of the magic carpet the liftie would shake his head and say, "he still has the biggest smile I've seen all day out here" and that lasted until we packed it up to go home. He loves it and I'm so glad he does! There was a mother of the year moment on the hill too which I will neglect to post the associated video to but suffice to say, there was some excessive speed, lack of "making of the pizza" (read: braking), a magic carpet gone wrong and reactionary crying but in the end, the smile stayed plastered on and a good time was had by all. It will be wonderful to watch him get stronger and manage his ~~over~~confidence. Learning the basic snow plow could be a bit of a challenge! Today... who needed to snow plow???

OK I couldn't figure out how to put it here but it's the ski video that is somewhere else!

I have been fortunate to have captured some amazing photos since we've been home. Here are some wonderful ones that a photographer who I came to know through the endless document requests from my bank offered to take for us since we didn't have many with Lyric our dog. There are so many to choose from - but 2 is enough.

What else have we been up to??? Well it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas and this year, there is truly no place like home for the holidays. Corbin was enamored with the lights and the various decorations that he got to help put on. I was so excited to get out the Russian ornaments I bought on trip one (since it was Christmas after all!) and then to pull out the BEAUTIFUL Father Frost carving that I bought in Moscow. To me, this photo says contentment. It's the first time in 3 years that this house has held a tree...

And finally, after another friend commented to me on how much bigger Corbin seems to be I popped him on the scale and measured him up. He's now 34 lbs and 38 1/2 inches tall... I'm pretty sure he's in a growth spurt because tonight he ate more than I did and then had chocolate pudding for dessert.

Well, it's war and peace again but like I said, it's busy and the wonderful moments keep coming!

I SKIING!!!

2010-12-02T01:40:00.001-07:00

First day skiing - thank goodness he loves it!

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5 Months Home

2010-11-25T00:09:00.000-07:00

Wow. Corbin... you've been home now for as long as I waited between trips. It felt like an eternity to wait and wonder and wish and now, 5 months has passed in the blink of an eye. You are so excited for Christmas - every time the doorbell rings or you hear someone outside you light up and exclaim, "Is Santa here?!?" You tell me, "I hear reindeer on roof - UP THERE!!!" out of the blue - and I love that you are so excited to sit on his knee. I have a renewed excitement for Christmas this year as I watch the traditions through your excited little eyes. It's been a lot of years since I've honestly and whole heartedly counted down the days until Christmas morning. I can't wait.
5 months done and gone - you are still growing like a little weed and tonight you felt like you weighed 100lbs as I carried you sleeping inside to tuck you into bed. We're subbing in some size 3 clothes now and handing down the smaller 24 mos and even some of the size 2. Yesterday you turned 3 1/2. I looked back at our trip one pictures and you have changed so much in that time. Tonight after your bath I noticed that you have more "meat on your bones" and that your rippling 6pack is now more of a toddler tummy - I don't ever think a 6 pack in a 3 year old is a good thing so I'm happy that yours is replaced by some meatballs and potatoes :) I'm not rolling up sweat pants or pulling up a baggy bum anymore - you are stretching right in front of my eyes. I don't see it but friends do - thank you for eating!!!
All little boy but forever Mama's baby.

Arrival of winter and PPR #1

2010-11-20T15:24:00.000-07:00

Winter raged into town with a vengeance bringing with it the usual heavy dump of the white stuff, traffic delays, driveways to be shoveled and new fun things to explore. Corbin begs from the moment he gets up for his boots and mittens... at -17 Mama is reluctant to comply. I also am having trouble with the concept of Christmas... what to buy now and what to wrap up under the tree later. As I sit looking out at blue sky and mounds of beautiful white snow that begs to be sledded on, I am caught - toboggan now or under the tree? On the flip side though, Corbin is having NO trouble with he concept of Christmas. As we walked through the mall I explained Santa, his reindeer's, good little girls and boys and Corbin is definitive that, "Santa bring me yellow pick up truck please" over, and over, and over... it was cute the first oh say 500x lol. We've added a few items to his wish list and thankfully I already have a small stash of stocking items on the go so I'm ahead of the curve. Corbin is ready for ski season too. We picked up a set of wee little skis with the promise that when it snows outside we can ski in the mountains... well now with all the snow outside the chorus of "yellow pick up truck" is joined by "we go to mountains and ski now Mama?"
In other update sort of news, PPR #1 is now done and behind us. Strange really since it is to be for 6 months and we will have only been home 5 months in a few days but it is complete. It was simple really - she came, followed the prescribed set of questions and observed Corbin and Me in our natural habitat. She was very happy with everything and said that she couldn't hope for a child to adjust more beautifully. The next day we attended the Adoption Month celebration at our home study agency and had the privilege of standing at the front of the room to talk about the process. It's a walk down memory lane to go back to my seat in the crowd and all the hopes that came with that seminar. It was apropos that when I put my winter coat on that morning, I actually hadn't worn it since trip one last winter... it had tic tac's in one pocket (pasty mouth saver) and Russian coins in the other. I gave each of the families one as my sentiment of good luck in their journey. I can't wait to hear of their journeys.
And finally, we spent some great time again with my girlfriend and her family including Corbin's friend Mamush who joined his family just before Corbin arrived home. What a whirl wind of toddler activity with the boys in the house. They had quite the experience getting interviewed at the US embassy for Mamush to get a travel visa... Not sure what an interview of a 20 month old entails but... it was a circus and it is complete. Fun week - next week we'll ski, skate and Mama will start to do some Christmas shopping. The stockings are found, ornaments sorted, baking lists made, menus for Christmas being contemplated and the excitement of creating our own family traditions is so wonderful.

My own Remembrance day

2010-11-09T14:52:00.003-07:00

One year ago today the day started out like pretty much all the other ones. The day started early and my phone nearly died so when I returned to my vehicle at 12:09 (funny how time stands still and you remember weird details?) I flipped open my phone to see that I had a missed call from the area code where referral calls come from. My heart lept and nearly pounded out of my chest... this was it... the call... The details were fast and furious - boy, young, small... do you have an Internet connection right now? No. Frantic calls to my sister followed and she met me at Starbucks to hit a wireless connection so that I could see this little boy. There were tears of joy, cheers with my coffee, and even a picture of the first time I saw his face. Calls were placed to Dr. Bledsoe so that she could review his file the following night. He was beautiful. I can still see his dark eyes clearly in my head. For just more than 30 hours I hoped against hope that he was the one... that finally I had a face to my dreams. It was not to be. Our phone call to discuss his health was short. Within the first minute she had tenderly told me about the challenges that she felt that this little guy would almost certainly have. There was no question that I had to decline this referral and go back to waiting for my son. My heart broke as I hung up the phone and the numbness set in. I remember not knowing what to do or what to say... the silence hurt. I went into auto pilot and headed to my soccer game arriving late to a dressing room full of team mates who have known and supported me for years. I opened the door and the flood gates all at the same time. I couldn't even say the words... I just cried... and played soccer. No one pushed or prodded... they were just there and continue to be. November 11th - Remembrance day, I notified my agency that I would be officially declining this little boy.
Beautiful baby Roman... I am sorry that I couldn't be the Mama that you need and deserve. I think about you often and have prayed that you are in the loving arms of your family as I type this. I brought some clothes and a toy for you on my first trip - it eases my conscience to hope that you received them... and then as I re-read that statement how shallow it seems... that a toy and clothing could somehow make up for the fact that you live in an orphanage without a family of your own... Later, it helped me to breathe a sigh of relief when my facilitator told me that you had been referred and accepted by an American family... but I sometimes still check the photo listing and you are still there. You will forever be in my heart, thoughts and prayers... in a perfect world, children wouldn't have to want for a family. They wouldn't have to be without a goodnight kiss and story. This world isn't perfect but we do the best we can. Roman, I hope you are loved today and always... and that you are adored by your own Mother who has a perfect love for you.
I'll never forget.
Happy Happy edit... I just checked the photolisting and you are gone... and to me, that means I can smile knowing you are in the family that is meant to be yours. I hope your Mama loves you a little extra tonight - I know I'll love my son knowing he's where he's supposed to be too. And they all lived happily ever after.

Seen and heard

2010-11-03T10:43:00.000-06:00

In an effort to cut out the rhetoric that could turn this post into an entry akin to "war and peace" I'll short hand it: Seen and heard over my birthday, halloween and first day of preschool week.
1. Corbin asked me about 10x on my birthday if I am happy... he loves to hear me say "Absolutely" and it's funny to hear him say it back.
2. At the end of breakfast he said, "Mama... nice music, I want dance you Mama" and he picked a great song (one of my favorite things he gave me for my birthday)
3. Auntie Karen took him shopping and he picked out my gift along with a beautiful card... my first one "from him" that says "To My Mom".
4. He made a grown man cry. Watching a strong, confident, outgoing, hockey coaching, business owning grown up man cry as he thinks of his own little boy waiting in Russia made me even more reverent for the fact that Corbin is home, he's happy, he's healthy, he's mine. Watching this mans love and pain roll down his cheeks reminds me that my own story before Corbin was home isn't that far from the surface - I can still feel it in the pit of my stomach for those in limbo. To my friend J and his 6 degrees of separation wife R, you know how big the celebration will be with you here in Cowtown when your son is home right?

5. Blowing candles out and singing happy birthday...
6. ABC's... this shocked me so of course I got out the camera :) I've sung this to him in the car regularly and he's learning what the letters look like and say from "the letter factory" which is wonderful. It's so cute to see him pointing out "MAMA!!! LETTERS!!!" on everything and having him tell me the letters on my shirts. This is a new bedtime ritual.

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7. Halloween. He was going to be a cowboy until a friend brought over LIGHTENING MCQUEEN!!!! and that was that. Our little posse travelled together and Corbin had a blast... and I love coffee crisp :)
8. At the haunted house on our block he ran up the walk yelling "I no scared!" and then told the man dressed up as Frankenstein at the door, "You a SCARY man!"
9. First day at preschool. Never looked back. He didn't cry when I dropped him off... but did when it was time to go. Not surprisingly I was told he was redirected for using his outside voice indoors... I grimaced a little in the knowledge that he is having trouble monitoring his volume button. He LOVED his morning at school and told me he played with new friends. I can't wait to volunteer next week and see just how he does in his new school.

Russia + Canada - you knew this was coming

2010-10-27T00:54:00.000-06:00

In the last one he is protesting LOUDLY that, "I skating Mama. NO PICTURES!!! I WANT SKATING NOW!!!" We were at the rink for 2 hours in total (including making new friends, resting by the fire, snack, and lots and lots of skating) and by the end he was ready to take a few steps on his own towards me just like learning to walk. He proclaimed with excitement over and over, "It's Slipp-ew-eee Mama, dee ice is slipp-ew-eeee!!!" He didn't complain once about the helmet, falling down or his skates hurting his feet. The only complaint came when I said we had to go. He wanted to go swimming next... and when that failed, he headed back towards the arena. Tomorrow he gets to come to my hockey game and be on the bench with the team... I think his head might explode with delight. So much fun!

4 Months already

2010-10-24T19:03:00.000-06:00

Today marks 4 months almost exactly to the minute that he walked through the front door of our home, had his first bath, demolished a wonderful car cake, opened some presents and passed out from exhaustion in his bed for the first time. Four months ago I worked hard to bridge the language gap with "Russian For Adoptive Parents" learned from a CD and augmented by 5 weeks with Anna in Russia and chose to lay beside him sleeplessly at night rethinking this whole "co-sleeping" business and if it was for us. We muddled through our days and Corbin bravely ran headlong into his new life. Gone is the Russian, gone is the quiet little boy who took everything in, gone are the pants that fell down, gone are 2 pairs of shoes, gone is the "liver yuck", gone are most of the eating battles, gone is the tricycle, and gone are any questions of how he would manage leaving the life he knew behind. We've said hello to so many family, friends, experiences, so much laughter, so many cute sayings, so many skills (like riding his 2 wheeler like a mad man after just one kick at the cat - ok yes it has training wheels but it only took about 200 meters to figure out how pedaling back made the brakes go or that he had to watch, steer AND pedal all at the same time - now it's look out world.) So many people have chuckled and commented that he is SO much like me in the way he tackles life - the jumping in and swimming, the bike riding, the running, the walking without a stroller for 3 1/2 hours at the zoo (and by walking I mean running amok where he can and being reigned in where he can't), the quick smile and sense of ha ha, the I'll try anything once - maybe twice after a hug and probably most strongly as of late... the way karma comes around to laugh HAHA HA!!! as this child of mine talks NON STOP!!! My friend Kari said something that touched me today when she said, "If you and Scott were to have had a child, it would have been him..." (we had been talking about the stuff he "just does" and the fact that I needed a quiet, padded room from the incessant talk - and I do mean INCESSANT!!! The questions, the color commentary, the requests and ongoing noise from him is incredible). So that's four... come and gone just like that. So many memories, so much fun. I'm exhausted. I'm happy.
This week my little guy will be filled with your first time on skates, watching your first hockey game (which will "star" Mama playing, singing Mama happy birthday, Halloween and more non stop commentary of it all. Just like the last one, it's gonna be a great week :)

The Very Most Thankful Of All

2010-10-10T22:27:00.002-06:00

It's not that I'm in Bermuda that I'm most thankful for - although spending a day on a boat in my swimsuit wakeboarding certainly makes the radar as it's just as likely that I find myself in snowboots at home in October. It's not that I spent the day with friends old and new that prove that geography and circumstance know no bounds of the ties that bind that make me most thankful. It's not enjoying an amazing meal, bottle of wine, warm breeze, outstanding Italian service and fresh pasta followed up by INCREDIBLE chocolate lava cake tonight that makes me most thankful. It's not being reverent for the fact that I am in a place, space and time in life that 95% of the population on earth will never enjoy with health, ability, and opportunity that makes me most thankful. It is quite plainly and obviously watching my son experience life with fresh, happy, thirsty for experience eyes that makes me the very most thankful of all. I find myself speechless so often in the wonder that is him as he mundanely goes about his days astonishing me without batting so much as an eye. Today, I saw my son happily swim away from me on his own... life jacket snapped on for safety, "pool noodle" stabilizing his way as he swam his way towards the beach where he and Michelle had scoped out a small swing set up for a boy just his size. He must have swam back and forth 6 times grinning ear to ear announcing that he is fast like the boats. Steph taught him to blow bubbles, he learned more new words like "wake boarding" and jumped from the back of the boat into my arms in the water like he's been on a boat from day one. We all say it... and we all believe with our whole hearts that it's true... My son, it becomes more obvious to me every day that you are MEANT to be in my life... meant to be my son... meant to teach me lessons about adoration and love and celebration and love, meant to wow me with your laissez faire approach to OMG!!! I can't believe that you do the things you do and neither can the people who are meeting you. I can't wait for forever and I'm beyond thankful on this Thanksgiving that you have blessed my life with your zest, enthusiasm, spirit, humor, love, and I can do anything attitude. And, you are right - you can do anything - please just wait until I have my camera ready. So thankful... so amazing... so you.
Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian friends and to the American ones we're cooking for tomorrow!
Did I say it clearly enough... Wow... you amaze me... over and over.

On the road - Part III

2010-10-07T10:09:00.003-06:00

Well here we are in sunshiney Bermuda! Finally some well deserved vitamin D after a summer that certainly didn't provide much of it at home. I as the Mama can tell you this: Vacations will never be the same. Long gone are the laissez faire, by the seat of my pants vacation where I toured about on a scooter where it momentarily and very rarely slipped my mind that they drive on the "wrong side" of the road. Now, I'm weighed down with car seats and strollers (one of which Air Canada broke and the other of which they forgot to put on the plane but did arrive the following day thankfully!) and sunscreen and beach toys and life jackets but I wouldn't trade back for the world. The weather has been amazing (SPF 60 worthy for sure) and as we boarded Wil & Michelle's boat I wondered if the rough waters and loud engine would scare Corbin. We headed out and he proved my fears wrong as he beamed from ear to ear as we bounced over the ocean waves and his quest to drive the boat was answered. It seems this kid was born for the water. When we arrived I told him we would get to swim in the Ocean, play in the sand and ride on some boats. Well, BOAT! was all he heard - and all I have heard since then lol. He woke up the first night eyes heavy with jet lagged sleep and retorted loudly, "BOAT! BOAT! BOAT!" and then promptly went back to sleep. The ranting list of what we've done reads like this: Ferry boats, Buses, Beaches, Swimming, Bermuda Shorts, Michelle's Birthday, Wil's Boat, Fish & Chips, Sand Castles, Sunscreen, Shade, Rum Swizzles for Mama, Corbin's first Coke, ice cream, new words like light house, ocean, scooter, "mo-to bike" (he has said that for a long time but it's funny because his accent comes out), palm tree, ferry boat, pung-baw(b) (which is of course sponge bob lol), cruise ship, tree frog, and one of my favorites "no hank-you" which means he's learning to be a polite little boy :)
I think every adoptive parent wonders how "the first" anything will be. Well, our first trip has gone without a hitch thus far. The flight - he was a champ. The red eye is no treat for anyone never mind a 3 year old but he managed it like a pro. Napping, chatting with seat mates and being a generally good little traveler. He is an airport pro even on no sleep and a great little cuddler while he naps :) Surprisingly, eating - it is going great. No issues here. He might be hitting a growing spurt or something given the amount he's eating and sleeping - I guess time will tell. It's been a blast and will be for another week as Mama's friend Steph arrives on Saturday for a visit. We have big plans... including the infamous Rum Swizzle and more beaches, sand and boats. Don't worry Steph, I've got the sunscreen. Monday is our first Thanks Giving as a family and while it won't be at home with our family, we'll be here with my family of friends. There will be ham instead of Turkey (who wants to be inside for the day roasting a turkey when there are beaches to bathe on?) and there might not be some of the things you'll become accustomed to for holiday celebrations but there will be love... and no mater where we are, I'll be thankful for that.
Oh yeah, one more funny thing from the road? We were grocery shopping with Michelle for birthday party BBQ supplies when we walked through the liquor section of the store. Corbin announced while pointing to the wine, "MOMMY JUICE!!!" and I quietly laughed and said yes... it's Mama Juice... To which he retorted while pointing to the Corona, "MORE MAMA JUICE!!! Dis One Same (as home) with CAMELS!" To which I respond, "Yes Corbin, Mama has the same at home"... this goes on and on in an isle that suddenly felt like it was a football field long. Oh well, everyone there got a good chuckle out of it and I'm sure they'd all be surprised at how infrequently I actually indulge in the Mama Juice.

A visit from Anna & a boy and his dog

2010-09-23T23:50:00.001-06:00

Our Anna from Khabarovsk is here for a visit. Our Anna who made our trip wonderful, meaningful and most importantly sane is here in Canada. Having Anna here has been an opportunity for me to give back to someone who really was the high point in my time on trip two. We've spent time visiting and sight seeing and while that's been fun for Mama, it's brought up some hiccups for my little man. Thankfully it didn't take long for me to recognize subtle and eventually not so subtle changes in my boy for what they were. It started out with what I would call "bratty" outbursts or not listening, or just repetitive things (requests, demands, "in my face" behavior) that I just brushed off as a bad day... then it was 2 days... It grated on me something fierce - not because it was awful, but because it was out of character for Corbin. After a particularly trying series of demands which made me want to invoke the we both need a time out clause, I stopped... and simply asked him if he needed a hug... (because I did) and he burst into tears and said Yes... I need cuddles. In a moment where I wanted to push him away... it turned out that was exactly NOT what he needed. As the house of cards began to fall, I learned that my boy was likely overwhelmed, confused, scared and insecure about the arrival of our Anna. There had been much Russian spoken to and around him and compounding that is the fact that we had started to talk about our vacation where we would be flying on an airplane. 1 + 1 = a little boy who possibly wondered if the Russian speaking lady from when Mama came was here to put him on the plane. Since I recognized this for what it most likely is there has been dedicated cuddle time, reinforcing conversations that I am his forever Mama (he has asked probably 75x "Corbin's Mama?") and random snuggles just to put him at ease. He's even been more territorial with Lyric and is back to himself. All in all I think that this is good for us - he has learned that I'm not going anywhere and that he can trust me when he is afraid. Perhaps stresses like this help to solidify that this is permanent... you're stuck with me kid! So, tomorrow we're off to Banff with Anna - I can't wait to see her face when she sees the mountains close up. And in other random "we've been busy" news, Corbin attended 2 birthdays in one day - one for a little friend at gymnastics (read: MAMA JUMPING!!!) and one for Uncle Jeremy and all in the same day, Corbin also got to meet some very special men in Mamas life - my old soccer coaches. I love that they still love me and couldn't wait to meet my boy :)

He is amazing

2010-09-22T02:31:00.001-06:00

Family pictures... For so long I stood back pretending to be busy while the rest of my friends and family captured moments to keep for a lifetime. I don't have to pretend it doesn't bother me anymore. I have a family. Here are our pictures.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Playdates, baking and follow up doctors appointments

2010-09-16T21:51:00.000-06:00

The whrilwind never stops around here... wait... even before Corbin there was always some sort of tornado of activity so I guess I just like it that way :) We visited the "kids hospital" as Corbin calls it earlier this week. Great news, he's growing (one inch in 2 months), gaining weight (2.5+ lbs in 2 months) and talking at a level that the doctor said she would expect from a home grown kiddo. He even managed to argue with her about the finer points of "POOH Bear" vs "POLAR Bear"... she said whatever we are doing at home it's all good and she can't wait to see what he comes up with after starting preschool in November. No concerns, no follow up and no additional appointment until the new year.

We've spent time with many other friends and Corbin talks about it for days afterwards. It's one of the things I enjoy now - his reasoning and language skills have developed so that he talks about what he DID and what he WANTS to DO later. Busy week with playdates for him and for me. He is getting more restless and harder to entertain at Mommy lunches but loves to eat Sushi which I am thrilled about :) He could have ridden forever with Uncle Jeremy in his "Small car" and I love to watch him give hugs and kisses when we leave. Here are some pictures of our day with his special friends who will remain nameless since I didn't ask Mama and Papa if I could post. Suffice to say, we love 'em and Corbin could have raced in the kitchen for hours and hours - could have been the sugar rush from the cookies but... whatever it was it was so cute to watch!
The other fun stuff keeps rolling in: We spent this afternoon with Anna from Khabarovsk (my angel who I stayed with!) who is here for a visit for two weeks. She couldn't believe how happy and settled in Corbin is - he really isn't interested in hearing any Russian anymore and raises his hand and says "NO" or waves it off which was heartbreaking for Anna I think. We'll see more of her coming up and have some pictures to share I'm sure. On Sunday my little man will have the chance to meet some very special people to Mama. My old soccer coaches are coming into town for a visit. I have respected and admired these men for the better part of my life and I'm thrilled that they still consider me a friend after so many years. The tears will flow (and not from me... but grown men don't cry right?) as we reminisce about the times, the games, the wins and the lessons learned but mostly the fact that you never lose track of good people who make your world better. Knuddie and Alvin - can't wait to see you... P.S. Corbin already has a mean shot ... I think he'll be a solid mid fielder too just like his Mama :)

The babysitter is coming at 6

2010-09-12T23:21:00.001-06:00

Those words felt sooooo good to say and so over due. It's strange... for so long all I could do was obsess about how badly I wanted to get him here and into his bed and after only 2 1/2 months, the relief I felt at having at having a SILENT car ride followed by a nice dinner, a bottle of wine, some adult conversation and the most incredible dessert I've had in a long long time. I got to do my hair, put some perfume on and I even wore beautiful shoes that by the time I crossed the parking lot and street, climbed the flight of stairs and arrived at our table had me cursing the practicality of 4" stilettos... I've missed the girl who fearlessly tackled a night of dancing in these beasts and who didn't feel like crashing at 11:10... but I also spent half the night talking about my boy, our adventures, the funny stories, and the things we've done. My feet hurt in a good way that reminds me that I can have both... I can wear the shoes, do my hair and still proudly tote the spider man back pack full of gold fish crackers and dinky cars. Yes people, it's official... you can have your cake and eat it too (thanks to the babysitter with amazing parents who offered their girls up from the day I knew I was adopting who live around the corner and will provide much needed sanity breaks and availability to cover soccer and hockey games... did I mention I love you???)
Serenity now... serenity now... serenity now :)

Random Musings from Russia

2010-09-11T23:05:00.001-06:00

I find myself telling the stories of my time in Russia and remembering moments that didn't make the blog for one reason or another, but that I don't want to forget. So, as they come up, I'll share some funny memories.

"Mama Ka-kat!!!"
It's a beautiful morning for a walk in Khabarovsk and Corbin and I are strolling along the promenade peacefully enjoying the cooler temperatures and sparse Russian crowds in an area that soon becomes packed with festivities and action. We would get up at about 7:30, eat and then head out for a walk until noon. Dressed in his new finest threads imported from Canada sans pull up, I hadn't really contemplated where facilities are located along the walk (rookie move). I had scouted for them in the afternoons and evenings and in the vendors, bathrooms were plentiful. At this hour however (nothing gets going until after lunch) not a toilet was to be seen. Bear in mind that communications between the little Russian and Big Mama were full of enthusiasm but lacking in content so when I heard "MAMA...KA-KAT!" loud and clear from my babes mouth I shuddered in horror as I frantically scanned for the nearest facsimile to a toilet... AH HA! porta potty... NYET! guarded by some grumpy looking Baba I needed some amount of money payable in Rubles to use the nasty stench of a potty... I only had some bigger bill and she had no change and quite frankly I wasn't ready to part with what could have turned out to be $20 to have him be afraid of the nasty hole in the lumber... time was seriously of the essence. Fine then, I'll take that bush... I don't have the language, the charades skills nor the inclination to ask for directions to the nearest approvable location so... we dart dash and do do. Thankfully Mama had a zip lock full of wipes. While you are disgusted with my behavior, it's worse: that this was not the only time that a bear pooped in the woods... but what do you do??? Like a good "owner" however, I did bag and tag the next one for proper disposal. I have however repented since I've been home and am happy to say that there has been no pooping in the woods since we've been back. Oh yeah, and I'm a better charades player in English :)
Stay tuned... there are way more stories from the trenches.

Today we danced

2010-09-11T13:48:00.000-06:00

While the statement of "today we danced" might not seem like much to celebrate, for me, it was an amazing morning. Corbin has been headstrong, confident and a "doer" since the moment I met him. In his own self assured way he steps confidently in the directon of what he wants and sees BUT he has pushed me away in wanting to dance with him and even in singing TO him. For anyone who knows me, I sing all the time in the house and car - he didn't mind this but singing "ABC" or "Ring around the Rosey" or anything else was met with MAMA!!! NO!!! In the last few days he's been more interested in doing the hockey pokey or doing roll play along with the folks on TV cartoons. This morning I looked up from my coffee to see him dancing away to the song on the radio. I smiled and asked if he would dance with Mama? Answer - big smile and YES! We danced away to "you and me baby we're stuck like glue". These are the moments - the ones we dream of - the ones we wait for... today I danced with my boy (followed by horsey rides, squealing like a dolphin, trying to ride the dog (OH NO CORBIN!) and kissing the computer screen as we talked with my friend Steph because he wanted to say a special hello!
Mornings for us are special so I'll add this to the list of great stuff. Every day I open the door to see him wriggling from under the blankets to emerge with the BIGGEST smile and "good morning Mama! Cuddle pease!" I crawl in and we cuddle for awhile... until the dog jumps on the bed and Corbin launches to cover her up with his "binkie" He is just so affectionate. He will crawl on my chest and say, "hugs mama" or "more kisses" - I don't want to get up and leave the moment... but we do and now there will be dancing :)

On the road - part II

2010-09-09T23:12:00.001-06:00

Corbin and I hit the road again over the long weekend to play a little soccer at provincials. He charmed the ladies in the van and cheering (read: playing with everyone elses kids) from the side lines. He was perfectly entertained and having him run onto the field after the final whistle will never ever get old (even though I am er will get old). I was thankful that there were other kids to play with and a dad with the patience of a saint and the arms of an octopus to play catch, kick soccer balls, feed tim bits, wipe noses and clap for goals scored all at the same time. I honestly didn't know what to expect for such long games and freedom to run here and there but Corbin never ceases to surprise me and was an angel once again. Even our trip to the big fat mall was met with patience and hand holding and resulted in the major find I was needing for Tianna's belated birthday gift. At the end of it all, we came away with the gold for the 5th year running - but this year was harder fought. Nationals are in BC this year which will mean better weather than last years winter wonderland. Unfortunately the ankle injury that kept me down for the better part of the summer will have me sit this one out but I'll try not to mind as I sip my rum punch from the beaches of Bermuda and watch Corbin soak up some vitamin D. Leg three from the road will be with sun screen and umbrella drink in hand. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.... I can feel the vacation start to kick in already. Can't wait to see the girlz on the rock and enjoy your never ending hospitality!

Meant to be

2010-09-02T23:41:00.001-06:00

I came across the song and video by Steven Curtis Chapman from a discussion about a new children's cartoon "Veggie Tales - It's a meaningful life" which is set for release in early October. I'm sure everyone has become accustomed to the wonderful music that comes from Mr. Chapmans heart for adoption and this one is no exception. I haven't looked into the video too much yet but I understand from this music video it has an adoption theme and is very touching. I (like probably most of you) cried just a little while I listened to this song and watched the video (even if it features hopping cucumbers as main characters?) My little cucumber had a full day of adventure today. We started today with a trip to the ped dentist to get the 411 on what will need to be done to correct the aftermath of being left in a crib with a bottle for way too long - all I can say is thank God for great dental insurance coverage YIKES~!!!! After that we stopped in at my home study agency office to say hello to the people who helped bring him home. Everyone was so excited to meet him and they were full of questions about Russia, the process and how he is doing. It didn't take long for him to speak for himself about how he is doing and they are thrilled for our little family of 2. They asked me to come back to speak for Adoption Month seminars about IA and adopting as a single - I was happy to accept the invitation and am looking forward to talking about the highs and lows of the adventure. We closed out the day at the Zoo. What a difference a month makes. On his first trip to the Zoo Corbin probably couldn't believe his eyes and didn't have the language to express what he was seeing... today it was a much different story. He knew the names to most of the animals and certainly had his favorites. A giraffe came to have lunch about 5 feet away from Corbin and he was mesmerized (so was I - sans camera). He loved the Hippos and the Gorillas the best and crashed into bed tonight with eyes to heavy for his normal "2 books". Today was one of our best days... I couldn't help but look at him and just feel really warm and happy. He's learned so much and gives me so much unsolicited love it's just good for my heart. At dinner tonight as he sat eating, he looked over at me and asked to hold my hand. Life is good... nah... life is amazing... we were meant to be. Enjoy the video.

Steven Curtis Chapman - "Meant to Be" Music Video from David Watson on Vimeo.

On the road - part 1

2010-09-01T00:13:00.000-06:00

Whoops... that's a lot of pictures... but I couldn't stop myself from hitting attach - yes I'm biased but he is a cute cute little boy if I do gush myself :)

This is part 1 because the little Russian and I have a lot of travel coming up for us. Tonight we returned from a visit to Saskatchewan where we visited and met more family and friends. Highlights were Mel and Kayins' baby shower and spending time with "Baba G-G". There are not many joys like watching the face of an 87 year old woman light up when she gets "noses" from her great grandson. I wish I could bottle that - I'm pretty sure it would be an ingredient in youth serum. Corbin is a fantastic little traveler. I didn't even have to break out the emergency DVD loaded with Taw-moose the train! for the 6 hour trip to Saskatoon or the 7+ hour ride home from another GG's today. The back seat choruses keep me smiling. Corbin LOVED hanging out with his little buddy Kayin Mamush and would have eaten a million meatballs at Ukrainian day in the park but the line up was too long for Mama! We had photos done while we were there and I'm hoping they turn out better than I feel like they did. Corbin left his cuteness at home and turned into wile 3 year old who wouldn't look at the camera and when he did, I think my eyes might have been closed! But, she was good... so the proof will be... well... in the proofs! We won't get those until we are away on our vacation to the beach but I'm sure we will be too busy to worry about that!
Today he learned what a pump jack is and happily pointed them out all the way home. Corbin is officially counting to 10 and knows Black, white, blue, green, red, pink, orange, yellow, grey, silver... but it's funny because most often he spurts out whatever color is on the tip of his tongue and then actually looks at what he is being asked and corrects himself - so second time's a charm (right now everything is PINK! because that is his newest color acquisition). We've officially been home for 2 months now that the 24th has passed. No more Russian is heard at all... "I Ya!" is replaced with WANT PEASE MAMA!!! When my aunt Debbie and Uncle Dwayne met him today they were mesmerized - my uncle shook his head and said, "you'd never know he hasn't been with you from the start... I can't believe how much English he knows already and how he doesn't stop TALKING and RUNNING!!! They are pretty sure he was meant to be mine :) I can't wait to dress him in the perfect little cowboy vest and chaps they gave him - looks like Halloween took care of itself!
Corbin is back for his 2 month check in with the IA doctor here in town on the 11th and he has a peds dentist appointment on Thursday. He's gained 2 1/2 lbs since he's been home which puts him above 50% for weight with his height just short of that. I couldn't be more relieved to know he's as healthy as he is happy! The only other bit of update is that Corbin has a spot in 2 morning a week preschool starting in November. The doctors both agreed that with his adjustment and attachment going so well that it would be good for him to get some structured language, learning and "head start" catch up to ensure that we can identify and work on any of the things that he is behind in. I've been so lucky to find a great program that is play based educational focus with a spot available for him when we get back from Bermuda!
Well, we're off to Edmonton for soccer Provincials this weekend. I am fortunate to play with a talented bunch of girls who I played with and against over the years in club ball and at university. They are a bit of a dynasty and I'm glad to be along for the ride - especially this year as I missed so much with travel and then with my ankle injury. We still play at a level where there are national championships so here's to another solid showing and no snow this year!!! Glad to be home - going to sleep in my own bed (I'll save the story of the motor inn in Assinaboia Saskatchewan and it's resemblance to a hotel in Siberia for another time - although the beds were considerably more comfortable). Spacoina nochey!

Could have been the vaporub... but I'm pretty sure it wasn't

2010-08-17T00:13:00.000-06:00

Binky - $20
Chibu-rash-ka (or just rachka) - 4500 Rub and a plane ride home from Russia to sing lulabies
night light - $5
lullabye music CD - $12
Having your fiercely independent, easy going, resiliant little 3 year old Russian cry out for you because he's sick and needs his Mama... priceless

We've been home almost 2 months (weird to say but true???) and it had to happen sometime. I got sick. Not just the sort of, "I've got the sniffles but it's not slowing me down" sort of sick - the sort that kicks you in the butt, cleans the stuffing out, takes your name and number and promises to come back for your kid sort of sick. And it did. My Mother and Father in law planned a really nice "welcome to the family" BBQ so that everyone could meet the little Russian and I was the one under the weather - until this morning. Corbin woke with a nose full of "sneaky boogies" but his perpetual good mood wasn't impacted in the least. We wrapped up after breakfast and made our way back to the city armed with 10 free passes to the amusement park for his cousins 8th birthday party - thankfully no one had to pay the $30 entry price - thanks Stacey W., Country 105 and Chorus entertainment!!! We dropped the tickets off and came home to re-group and assess if going back for an abreviated "happy birthday" to the twins could be managed. He didn't seem to be slowed down at all so at 4 we arrived back with a wagon full of treats ready to row, fly, toot, BOING!, splash, and squeal...
Then, the stuffing stealer made his promised return. Corbin fought sleep on the 10 minute drive home, peed in his car seat (by the way, there are NO instructions on how to remove the "washable liner" from an Eddie Bauer Car seat but with some engineering, tenacity, creativity and cursing it DOES come out nicely and went back in more easily than I thought), ate a HUGE dinner and headed to bed.... which lasted until the quiet sobs of "Mama... help... Mama... need you" came from his room. When I picked him up from his sweaty slumber, the quiet sobs turned desperate and he clung to me and begged me 'stay Mama - stay - peas..." For those of you with bio kids or who brought home babies, this moment may not resonate much... but for someone bringing home a boy who mostly needs me to tie his shoes, teach him to catch, cheer him on for kicking the ball in the goal, pick him up when he tips over on his bike and put a bandaid on his skinned knee... this was a BIG one. We vapo-rubbed, tyleonol'd, had an icecream snack (and 2 yogurt tubes??? for the boy who doesn't always eat???) and some "Chai" before rocking my baby to sleep in the chair downstairs wrapped in his binkie and cuddled with "Rachka". In the moonlight I watched his sleepy eyes finally close and his little chest labor to rise and fall as he relaxed into my arms. I cherished every time he'd peek through a half open eyelid to check if I was still there and wondered if anyone had ever rocked him to sleep or held him when he was sick? He spent 18 months in his birth family and 18 months "in the system" between the baby hospital and eventually the orphanage... He deserved to be held and loved - he's simply to precious and sweet and loving to have been left to cry alone (aren't they all?)
Could have been the Vapo rub that stung my eyes and made me misty... but I'm pretty sure it wasn't.

Finally new photos

2010-08-12T12:59:00.000-06:00

Like sands through the hourglass... so are the days of our lives (thinly veiled reference to the soap operas I'm occasionally catching after a 15 year hiatus given the interruption by that damn thing called working!). Time is passing and Corbin (if this is possible?) gets cuter every day. I have officially had to eradicate all funn-i-isms that are not repeat worthy because as it was humorous for the fist while (he'd parrot them back and then quickly forget) but now... not so much. I'll refrain from sharing exactly what he sung in chorus for about half an hour after eating yesterday but it started out as a way for me to lighten the "please please please eat" chant when I off the cuff referred to Liverwurst as something even less flattering (if that is possible???). I just about snorted coffee out my nose when he started up with it and then quickly had to replace it with a close sounding more acceptable description - so now, it's "liver-yuck" or "Vile-stuff" Anyway, he hasn't said it today so I hope it's gone but let me apologise in advance if something pops out later.
Corbins language continues to explode. All that's left is malinki, I-ya, the occasional Di...the rest is all English. Well, we are both off for a nap. He doesn't need one - I do. I feel like I'm coming down with a cold and before the road trip next week, I better nip this in the bud.

This and that

2010-08-06T17:27:00.000-06:00

6 weeks home already. I realized tonight how very little Russian exists in either my or Corbins conversations now. The odd word pops out but English is dominant - there is no more "pu-pat-za Mama?" or "couchit Da?" or "I Ya Peet Sok" - the most common Russian is "I ya" which I am certain is I want to but is now followed by the thing he "wants to" in English. I also stoped to think that I no longer feel compelled to explain things to him in Russian but without the words that I did know (a BIG shout out to Theresa Kelleher and her Russian for adoptive parents CD - simply couldn't have made it without it!). Last night my in laws came over to visit (and fix a few things here and there for me) and as they were leaving I asked Corbin who gave him the new toy he was playing with. I wasn't sure that he would understand and the long pause suggested I could be right but just as I was going to fill in the blank for him he quzzically looked at me and said, "D-yeah Dushka and Bahbushka... oh yes (which is how he ends many statements lol). Corbin's receptive English is incredible - I think he gets pretty much everything I say to him. His vocabulary has exploded to include 90% of the words in the one bed time book we read (the others I often skip over) and of the 90% he is right probably 85% of the time on them. The ones that make me smile the most are when he sees a smart car and he announces, "Small (which comes out more like Schmall) car mama!" and how excited he gets when he sees that stupid "Chicken Tuesday" Taco commercial on TV... he yells CHICKEN!!! for about 10 minutes (thank you Old El Passo!). Corbin has met some new friends recently and is facinated by Mel and Dwaynes little guy who has just come home from Ethiopia. We all spent the last 5 days together and tonight when I was putting Corbin to bed we talked about where he keeps his love when he sleeps... he learned about where his heart is and that Love is there. We started talking about the people in our life that we love - listing them off and saying their love is in his heart - he quickly announced that Baby Mushi is in his heart... melted again. Having friends here for awhile gave Corbin the opportunity to try out his voice announcing "MINE" over everything including me - which is so amazing to hear. Today I gave him a new toy to play with so that I could vacuume - it's a little tiny tent with various farm animals inside - when I came into the room he had stowed himself away inside this little tiny thing - peeking out the top with his little smile. Other cute stuff? He found a button at the playground yesterday and when I said it's a button he became very concerned that his belly button had somehow fallen off. Well, we fixed that up. Dyeh dushka gave him a little tool box with an "electric drill" - he re-installed his belly button and life goes happily on. This week was very busy and very fun except for one very big dark cloud hanging over a friend waiting to bring her son home that suddenly began to hail. I wish and hope and pray nothing more than little baby "A" comes home to pop pop because I quite frankly think that she as a single Mama has the super powers of 4 full time parents and the love of an army for the lucky little boy. If you've got room at the end of your good thoughts / prayers / hopes list, could you throw one on for pop pop?
I have new pictures... but I also have a new computer... and the two aren't talking - so this might take a minute or two!

Just like riding a bike

2010-07-28T21:09:00.000-06:00

There are parts of bringing Corbin home that I anticipated and pretty much all that I looked forward to, but there are moments that have surprised me in that they have been so bittersweet and twinged with memories I didn't expect. Way back when, Scott introduced me to mountain biking. The deal was, if he would buy roller blades (something I did a lot of back in the day) I had to get a mountain bike (clearly Math wasn't my strong suit since he wasn't talking a $50 Walmart special with tassels from the handlebars). I can still remember my first ride. He was beaming ear to ear as we made our way up a LONG, MUDDY, SLIPPERY, half SNOW covered mountain trail... I couldn't ride the clipless pedals very well yet and spent a lot of time picking myself up from the puddles and cursing the sport (and him under my breath... just a bit). But I'm not a quitter and I made it to the top. I was looking forward to an easy cruise down (NOT) but what lay between me and the downhill (which I soon learned to love) was a section where you had to "hike your bike" (READ: hoist it up onto your shoulder so that you can climb with your free hand up a rock face to the summit). Now although I'm no quitter, and I'm certainly not a "girlie girl" who waits prettily for a boy to lay his jacket down over the puddle (I'm far more likely to jump across and keep running) BUT as I assessed the situation from my tired, muddy, soaking wet vantage point I simply announced that when he got to the top he was welcome to come back down and grab my bike. He did, and he did it happily because as he told me later, he expected me to say I quit 45 minutes before that. From there Scott and I traveled around mountain to mountain, place to place exploring the amazing sites and rides. He proposed to me on one of those trips and it was the best day of my life (tied with the day I met Corbin). We talked a lot about kids, families, bike trips, bike trailers, and the adventures we would have as a family. Yesterday I realized just how long it has been since I've been on my bike. I ventured into "our bike store" to realize how much things have changed. It's 4x the size now and the bikes have such new technology mine seems like a dinosaur. Standing there looking for the bike trailer section I started to feel a bit queasy and had to blink pretty hard to keep my stinging eyes from tearing up past the point of no return. I managed to make the purchase and fumble through the installation process at home before I hiked my bike up from the basement. I looked over the collection of bike paraphernalia down there and gently dusted off my road bike making a silent promise that I'd ride it again this summer too... I still wonder who will install the clips into my new shoes... I just don't know how - Scott always did the bike maintenance "stuff". Later that night on my driveway, I took a deep breath as I clumsily clipped back into the pedals and took the chariot and my son for his first ride. It was surprisingly smooth and Corbin chattered away from the back like he had always been meant to ride shotgun. Life's like that... like riding a bike. No matter how hard the climb is or how muddy or how riddled with puddles, even if you need someone to carry you to the top... the down hills a blast as long as you hang on tight and remember to clip out when it gets too hard... it's always OK to walk with a friend.
I'll always wonder what it would have been like to watch Scott be a dad, and I know I'd be a better Mama with him here to cheer us on but he'll always be with me for all the rides in my life - in my heart he helped give me the strength to climb the hills on my own.

Time flies when you are having fun - 1 month home

2010-07-23T12:04:00.000-06:00

Wow... one month home feels like a flash... one month waiting felt like an eternity. I remember back to the silence - the deafening silence. Days crept past and turned into weeks, months and years without permission. I felt so helpless and small - I felt like I was caught in some bad joke or the very least an out of control situation that I was a passenger on - and I'm not a particularly good / patient passenger and I certainly didn't find any humor in the wait. Then, when I got Corbin's referral things kicked (momentarily) into overdrive. Everything needed to be done NOW!!! FedEx, Puroletter, DHL (especially DHL) trucks all gave me the chills and made my stomach do little flips. Trip one - amazing, overwhelming, terrifying, beautiful, barren, chilling... but in the end - perfect. I'll never forget the rapid fire kisses and his parting words that he didn't want me to leave - he had enough toys. Then, 5 very very long months - I'm sure my floor has grooves in it from pacing. I hate knowing that my friend Steph is wearing deep grooves in her floors and crying the very same sad, helpless tears waiting for a court date that sticks. I hate that the heartless actions of some random woman can hurt such an amazing, funny, smart, courageous, ready willing and able Mama and would give anything to take that pain away (or at least provide a lobotomy for the wait?) but there are no words, no shoulder, no nothing that can help the time pass... just skype conversations to fill time. For me, then finally came trip 2. Court trip is still a recent memory and full of emotions that haven't settled just yet but I dont' spend time thinking about those things because I now have so many more wonderful and amazing things to do. Those things revolve around being a Mama to an incredibly resiliant, happy, easy child - my son. The IA doctor was 100% right in her opinion that there was something in his eyes - there is an undeniable spirit - a resiliancy - an ability to smile, laugh, and more important than anything, to love. One of his caregivers told me on trip one while I rocked him in my arms that, "THIS is all he ever wanted - He wants to be loved... He wants a Mama." Now I have him and he has me.
Best momnts lately? Walking away from the soccer field, him kicking the ball ahead and I have a moment of "WOW"... and I tell him that I love him... and he YELLS back "I LUB YOOOO" and keeps running. Next, yesterday at dinner, I was finished and watching him eat while I sort of "danced" to the music on the radio in my chair... sternly, he looked at me, picked up my fork and handed it to me and said, "MAMA! EAT! No Musica!" Touche my little guy... no dancing at the table... eat... He is getting more confident in telling me what he wants, likes and is thinking. Every day is a wonderful adventure of learning, listening, laughing and best of all, Loving him. This last month have been better than I could ever have imagined.
Thank you Corbin for coming into my world and making it so much more colorful and full of love. You are the perfect little boy for me - I'll try hard to be a good Mama for you - you deserve it :)
All my love!

Amusement park beaming

2010-07-21T23:26:00.000-06:00

Well, I think we covered every mode of transportation today... Planes, trains, automobiles, horses, boats, hot air balloons, even spinning strawberries... hard to tell which one he liked best - actually, it wasn't - but I don't have a picture of it because I was on it with him. It was some sort of octopus ride thing that whipped you around REALLY fast - in fact, I was concerned as it fired up that it would be too much for Corbin... but no - he SQUEALED with delight - actually we both did. It was so much fun. Thankfully we have a seasons pass to the park and it is only about 10 minutes from the house so we can spend many afternoons there.

In other great news, I had Corbin weighed today and he has broke the 30 lb mark!!! In one month my little guy has gained 1.5 lbs... I guess the avocado, cream cheese, liver pate, meat and veggies hidden in the most unassuming places are doing their thing. I can't wait for him to hit a growth spurt too and see how he grows! Other than that, we are making some changes to our regularly scheduled schedule. He didn't have a nap today... I'm trying that since as much as he seems to like / need his afternoon nap, he is not going to sleep until about 10:30 each night. He is tucked in at 8:30 but quietly plays and fiddles until about 10 no matter what I do. Tonight it was an 8:30 firm bedtime with no nap... sleeping by 9. He's a good sleeper - even if he does fall asleep easily at bedtime he doesn't wake up until I come in. Any advice???

Oh yeah... and after only 2 or 3 episodes of Thomas the Train... my ears are bleeding with demands of "Taw-MOOSE TV!!!" steady... you would think I plunk him in front of it for hours!!! He was thrilled to have a ride on and picture with "Taw-MOOSE!" today. The only way I can get him off the topic is to tell him that the train is sleeping... oiy-vey...

Parenting epiphany #1

2010-07-20T22:47:00.002-06:00

I had an epiphany. Led by my A type personality, the fact that I overthink ~~pretty much everything~~ many things and my insatiable need to figure things out I found myself at the family resource center at the children's hospital with a book titled, "How to get your kid to eat but not too much". During nap time I speed read the important parts and it boils down to this: In feeding our children there is a division of responsiblity. As a parent, my JOB is to buy groceries, cook them in a tasty and well presented way and put them on the table in a cheerful manner. The children are responsible for what and how much of it goes into their mouths. Corbin won't try to do my job and I shouldn't try to do his. Full stop. Epiphany. Being a Mama is different than any other job I've ever had or thought about. At work, at play and even in relationships it always seems like the better option to do MORE than less or even just your share. I'm a worker bee - it's what I do. Well intended, well meaning... worker bee. So, when I see a little boy who I love more than anything who only a month ago was eating what I would judge to be left overs or even gruel, I want to give him and fill him full of the best, the most healthy, the yummiest food I can come up with... and when he objects, rejects or refuses, it not only hurts my grown up - should know better than that feelings it makes me feel like I'm failing him in ways that I don't want to... but I'm not. I am doing my job - I'm playing my role... and so is he. EXHALE HERE. He is a little boy who is overwhelmed by the newness of everything and in all reality, he's probaby eating just fine. He is happily showing up to the table and we are doing our best to let each other know what is good, yucky, yummy, when he's had enough, when he wants more and when he just doesn't feel like eating. I feel about a million times better after reading this little snipit and other advice.

Funny how this piece of advice isn't just for eating though. Today, we went to watch Ashton at his hockey camp. Great news hockey fans - Corbin took one look at the kids in their gear, the ice, the sticks and how much fun they were having and he demanded OVER and OVER and OVER to go on the ice. I tried to reason with him that he didn't have skates - answer? - well then I'll take my shoes off and now I can go right Mama? I can't wait for him to try out skating and do hope he wants to play the game. Which leads me to my next point and smaller epiphany. As we sat in the stands I couldn't help but notice a father angrily pacing at the glass. He got to a point where he could yell out onto the ice to his little boy who was merrily making snow angels and falling down a lot. "Encouragement" went something like this: "GET UP!!! Stop messing around!!! Pay attention! I have told you 100x skate properly! C'mon boy - do it right!"... my heart sank for this little boy as I watched his father stomp angrily to the other end where his son's group had moved to. His body language screamed something like: I've paid a lot of money for this camp - stop wasting it! or I've always wanted my son to be a hockey star and you are embarassing me! or You look like the worst kid out there - you are wasting my time! or I expect you to be better than that... all spirit crushing options. It occured to me that the division of labor holds true here too: As parents, it is our job to provide good, fun, engaging, enthralling, educational, healthy opportunities for our children. Our job is to buy the gear, pay the fees, encourage, help,tie, cheer, kiss owies, and do laundry. Their job is to show up and be happy and find their passion. It may not be hockey, it may not be soccer, it may not be math or physics or mountain biking... but my job as Corbin's Mama is to help him find what it is that makes him smile. I can't smile for him - I can't do his job. I may 'waste' money on failed efforts in pursuit of his passion... but it's my job to celebrate whatever it is whole heartedly and pack up the array of equipment that doesn't meet the mark. They aren't mini me's... they are mini thems and we need to feed, water, love, and celebrate what makes them wonderful - even the parts that might disappoint us along the way.
So, tonight, after my soccer game where he ran and chased and kicked the ball for about an hour, we came home and shared his first bowl of popcorn (one of Mama's passions lol) and watched Thomas the Train (or as Corbin says when he's exicted Taw-MOOSE!) which is currently one of his passions.

Zoo was fun - Icecream was YUM!

2010-07-19T15:14:00.000-06:00

Yesterday Corbin had his first trip to the zoo with his friend Noah. Everyday he wakes up so exicted and ready to tell me all about what he would like to do. He yammered on and on about the cows he saw the day before out on my Aunts farm where he met more of his family including Great Grandma - or GG Babushka. My grandma has been waiting a long time to meet this little man and the sweet tears in her eyes as Corbin sat on her lap and gave her "nose" (eskimo kisses) was priceless. I was so happy that he stopped long enough to let Grandma get a good look at her first Great Grandson. My cousin Connor also took a special shine to Corbin - and Corbin to him. The visit, the trampoline, the kids, the cows, the car ride... it was a banner day for Corbin and the excitement of it carried over into Zoo day. Well, Zoo day... he was so excited to run and explore and see and do. And all that he certainly did! It amazes me how much his little mind retains and how quickly. Yes, we talked about every animal we saw and he heard their names repeated over and over but when we sat down at home and he pulled out his Jungle set of toy animals and he announces to me - "Mama - Giraffe! and then Mama, Zebra" my jaw dropped. He is a little sponge and will be talking in English full time soon... I wonder if my ears will bleed in English the same as they do in Russian??? He is a non stop talker - and the mix of Russian and English takes some attention to converse with... I know I'll miss it when it's gone. I have a feeling the Zoo will be a place we spend lots of time... next stop, the amusement park and watching Ashton at hockey camp :) Can't wait until he gets to try skating himself!

Things are going "swimmingly"

2010-07-14T00:06:00.000-06:00

I wish I had pictures of today but no cameras allowed in public pools since not everyone wants to be in other peoples photos... So I guess I'll just have to give you the visual... All day - from the moment Corbin woke up and I asked him (like I do every day) "did you have a good sleep?" to which he responds "All done Mama - all done" he asked to have a bath. I tried to put him off by telling him he would have a BIG bath later... he wandered into my bathroom with the big tub and thought I was meaning there... boy was he surprised when we rounded the corner at the pool... he hesitated after the showers - he doesn't like noise and gets a little afraid. I picked him up and stepped out to where he could see the "big water" and it was game on from there. Smiles, squeals, joy pouring from everywhere it could. He floated, blew bubbles, put his head right under the water, splashed, kicked, and played flat out for 2 1/2 hours. When it was time to leave, he didn't want to go - tears and bargaining with promises we would go back again.
Rewind: Yesterday we went to the Children's hospital to see the IA doc. She introduced us to the one who will be caring for Corbin for the next year. I just about cried when they took 5 vials of blood... but he hardly winced at all. The 3 ladies in the room were astounded - stickers, smiles and snacks... and it passed without incidence. Outside of that, nothing to note... everyone is ecstatic with his development and settling in here at home. She even put my mind at ease with the eating challenges we've had saying that not wanting to eat is a great problem to have - most kids come home and are very afraid of not having enough - enough food, enough time, enough love, enough security... She said that him refusing food and being a little controlling or distracted says to her that he feels safe, that he feels comfortable and safe and home... he isn't worried that there won't be a next meal - he's more worried that his trucks might be playing without him upstairs lol... The biggest problem of the day was the wild hail storm that made my vehicle look like a golf ball...thank goodness that it's a work vehicle now in line behind 1000 other cars with hail damage from the storm. Where is our summer???
Other than that, Corbin PLAYED with Lyric today for the first time. He went and got the toy that he picked out for her and brought it to her. She got excited and they began playing fetch... so good to see. When it stops raining and my ankle smartens up it will be park time to play soccer and fetch with the dog. I told a friend today that I'd take the long journey to here any time to have such an amazingly happy little guy who seems to have wanted nothing more than a home and family of his own to fall into. We have each other and I have a feeling he will never look back.

Moments like these

2010-07-11T00:42:00.000-06:00

Every day is filled with moments that I want to remember but I know as the days pass and life gets busy moving forward, I'll forget how sweet these perfect memories are. Again - bouncy house... you bring my boy such joy! He impatiently waited to rip the shoes from his feet and bail into the carefully planned out path he mapped from his viewpoint perched on my hip. Directly in, blazing past the older kids to the "ladder" leading to the big inflatable slide inside... over - and over - and over... trademark smile pasted on. The landings weren't always graceful (the sommersault / vault dismount at the completion of run 6) but the squeals of delight won top marks from the judges with the stopwatch at the bottom. The fire truck was also a hit - anyone who will let you behind the wheel of a favorite vehicle is a hero in your eyes. You are really eating like a champ and I'm tricking you into veggies and healthy stuff like avocadoes without you even knowing. Seeing your cousin Tyler so excited to see you and you to show him your toys and trucks makes me smile... thanks for the play - dough note on the table guys :) The best moments of the day came closer to the end though... I scooted out next door for about an hour to a friends stagette launch while Tyler entertained you here at home. When the doorbell rang and you stood there with Ty with the relieved and happy look on your face as you reached for me and Tyler told me, "he keeps asking over and over - where's Mama??? where's Mama??? with concern... so it was time to go home... or since you got your way, it was time to ride your tricycle out in the rain... which you had never (in my guess) experienced before. I say this because of the way you looked to me to explain and share in your wonder at the wet drops from the sky. You squealed and laughed and wanted to stay out while it poured. On the swing you tipped your head back, mouth wide open to catch the drops on your tongue... innocence and a first - so touching for me to recognize and take in. I could have stayed there all night with you. As we headed back - me carrying your bike, you pounced through the rain water just like I had imagined. The squeals and smiles would bring a smile to the most distant heart. We were both soaked - amazed and soaked. For you Steph, I'll post my gourmet dinner -Pan seared salmon with lime zest and dill accompanied by a melange of el dante carrots and sweet potatoe with diced baked apple garnished with a butter / brown sugar reduction. For dessert, 3 orange tic tacs and a flintstone multi vitamin :)
No pictures... just amazing moments to try and remember.

2 weeks of love at home = this :)

2010-07-10T00:16:00.002-06:00

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first Dr. appt done

2010-07-09T23:48:00.000-06:00

Corbin met Dr. Lisa today and she can't believe that he's only been home 2 weeks. She asked all the right questions about his attachment - does he go to others willingly? (no) Does he come to you for comfort if he is hurt? (yes) Is he learning English words (yes - he was fascinated by COLD today after learning that the AC vents blow cold air, he asked for a hot dog at the neighbors tonight, calls the dog by name, said no bike Mama when we went outside... and reams of other words that pop up when I don't expect it). He was weighed, measured, poked and prodded (no blood tests until Monday with the IA doc) and as the doctor said - he is fine - no - better than fine - he obviously loves you and seems to be attaching beautifully, is resiliant, adaptable, healthy and the perfect little boy - you both are so very lucky. I couldn't agree more. He's 25% plus in height and weight - both "current" measurements taken the day he left the orphanage were wrong - weight out by a lb and a half and height out by 2" He is (I know I said this before and recognize it now as wishful thinking) eating better... I found his currency lol. He loves his chewable vitamins and orange tic tacs (I can't give him a vitamin at every meal) and he loves his new ride on dump truck as well as various other big truck toys... he understands me very well when I say, "do you want to play with xyz after you eat? DA! Well, if you don't eat, I will put xyz into the closet and you can't play with it until tomorrow... like magic... he is eating. OK he is eating weird stuff like liver pate (Megga YUCK but a suggestion that has him eating!) on mini ritz crackers and cream cheese omlettes (with liver pate... again - BARF!) but I'm getting great calories and nutrients into his body... I can't wait for the 3 month check in with Dr. Lisa to see how his language and weight have come along. In other notes, Mama didn't manage to get into get her ankle x-ray'd yet - tomorrow... after the pancake breakfast with friends but Corbin did manage to become the proud new owner of a cowboy hat and shirt... he's rodeo ready now! Should be some cute cute days ahead. Goodnight!

While I should be sleeping

2010-07-08T05:21:00.000-06:00

This time I'm talking about me - not Corbin... You would think the liklihood of me injuring myself would come in some sort of activity like soccer or at the lake - but you would be wrong. Yesterday was a good day... I took a new approach to the eating (along with some great ideas from mom to be Steph and her wise resources who have picky / control eaters of their own) and we relaxed. Had a lazy day, bought some great new exciting "BIG TRUCK MAMA!!! BIG TRUCK!!!" type toys as well as a little tricycle since he's not quite big enough for the big wheel, came home had dinner and I finally cooked the steak in the fridge (between bites of mushed up sheppards pie it was going to go bad) and thought a glass of wine would be good with that... well 2 was even better... until the fall... can't blame it on the wine (2 glasses is hardly enough to impair walking!) but I need to explain somehow that in launching off the deck in an effort to catch the dog before she pee'd on the lawn I found myself crumpled in a ball with a nose full of turff (freshly cut grass smells good at least). I didn't cry (amazing) didn't curse (miracle) I just rolled around wondering how this transpired and how I will play soccer on Sunday!!! So, amidst ice and elevation and multiple advil gel caps, I'm downloading pictures and catching up on my blog since I've been awake all night (tomorrow should be interesting). We'll see how soccer comes along.

Speaking of soccer, Corbin attended his first game as captain of the cheer squad for Mama's team. He never ceases to amaze me or the people around him. He sat on the bleachers with the other kids and dads and shared his snacks, chased the balls on the sidelines and the most amazing moment that I forgot I was waiting for... the end of the game when all the kids come running out to their moms... he was there - arms stretched up yelling "MAMA!!! MAMA!!!" - memory moment for sure. We also went to heritge park with Kari and James - Corbin loved riding the "toot toot toot!", petting the pigletts and riding the wee little ferris wheel all by himself with his trademark ear to ear smile. Well little man, here's to a forever filled with more opportunities to cheer one another on and smile that big smile. I don't care what you do (gotta say there is a part of me of course that hopes you'll play soccer and hockey!) as long as it puts a smile on your face like boat rides, bouncy houses and sommer saults (is that how you spell that?) on the side lines. Thanks for making me smile! (now could you get me some more ice for my ankle?)

My first week home

2010-07-05T15:37:00.001-06:00

Mom says it's time I chime in here and let you all know what I've been up to since I've been home. Wow... I've been busy and boy am I exhausted at the end of our days! I've met a lot of really nice people - many at the airport, some who have come to my house to visit and teach me to ride my new bike or give my mom a hug. They all seem to think I'm pretty special because they make Mama cry when they say how great I seem to be adjusting and how darn cute I am. I have made some new friends too - Ashton, Ella, Cooper, Amilia, Olivia, Sonia, Nolan... I have so much fun playing with them and exploring their toys :) My favorite things so far have been jumping in the 'bouncy house' on Canada day (but I looked out and saw Mama crying beside it and couldn't understand why... I heard her tell her friend that moments like that watching me squeal and laugh and learn to jump and jump and jump make her happy... that she was able to give me that happiness and that it mkes her heart big... then I got busy jumping again... they even had to come and fetch me because I didn't want to leave), riding on Tag's lawn tractor, driving Ashon's little tractor, playing in the sun with the hose running around the lawn in my underwear, and yesterday, I got to ride in a real boat... 4 times. What else have I done... hmmm... I ate pancakes at my first pancake breakfast, watched my cousins play soccer, been on many car rides, swung in a hammoc, played at at 4 parks, met my dog who absolutely loves me and gives me kisses every time she sees me... which I laugh and squeal at, flew a kite, rode a bike, swam in a lake (sort of), played in the sand, jumped in another bouncy house, smelled flowers, fell and banged my poor little forehead and got a bump with a bruise (which I remind Mama to kiss better all the time - it never gets old for either of us), drove in a car on the front of Mama's shopping cart, saw a rainbow, started eating for Mama, decided I like boiled eggs a LOT, I like hot dogs and hamburgers and fries (which Mama isn't crazy about but she says hey... he's eating) and grilled cheese sandwiches, cheese, yogurt, cheerios, juice, sausages, my flintstone vitamins and Mama keeps trying to get me to eat stinky veggies - I keep saying maybe later... now I need to go to sleep... it's been a long week.
Mama says she has lots of pictures of my week and promises to post some new ones soon. She keeps telling me what else is coming up but I don't know what a rodeo is or if I'm ready to meet a horse. She also is talking about going on a road trip to meet GG and more friends in Saskatchewan and maybe even to Bermuda in September. I think I would like to check out the pink sand and see if I like swimming in the ocean. I hear there are some cool people in Bermuda that can't wait to meet me too. I can't wait for tomorrow - I get to see the lawn mower in action - Mama says to take notes... I will get to run it in a few years. Goodnight for now - I'm exhausted.
xoxo Corbin.

Happy Canada Day!!!

2010-07-01T23:32:00.001-06:00

Today was another banner day for my little guy. We seemed to have mostly turned the corner on the eating challenges. I tell him when I'm hungry and that the dog is hungry and that I am going to eat and the dog is going to eat and he decides then that he would also like to eat (Vulcan mind trick... he falls for it every time). Interestingly though, he's started referring to himself as "Gisha" as of yesterday. I haven't heard this before - or maybe I didn't have my Russian station tuned just right but he now knows himself both as Corbin and "Gisha" but when he spontaniously will announce that he wants to eat, sleep or pee it's "Gisha hochish _______" No biggie - who am I kidding - it would take me a lot more than a couple of weeks to refer to myself by some different name too.
So - what did we do today? We had a relaxing early morning and then headed to a nearby grocery store area where they were holding a Canada Day celebration breakfast. We wandered about for awhile and then I took him to his new love... "bouncy houses". He beamed and squealed and had to be retrieved from the house at the end of his time both times he was in it. I stood at the side and watched his sweet face beam and I cried just a little. In those moments it hits me how much his world has changed and how he is just rolling with the punches. He couldn't be more content or seeming better adjusted. He reaches for me, looks for me, identifies me as his own, he didn't seem to miss a beat. While he is kind and friendly with other people after an initial warm up period he has a strong preference for Mama. After saying goodbye to his bouncy house he experienced his first pancake breakfast. He gobbled down a pancake with syrup and 2 glasses of juice. We watche the clown make balloons but I had no intention of standing in line for 45 minutes for a balloon sword. He was content to watch. My van was parked by a coffee shop that I had made a mental note of before so we popped in. Coffee $3, entrance into the kids play area in the back with amazing toys including a playskool plastic motorhome that Corbin adored $5... unlimited play time... watching him explore and meet new friends - priceless. I have a new hangout place where he can meet friends and I can not have to purchase, house and clean up all the latest and greatest toys. Next was a good lunch, nap time and his cousin Tyler who came for a visit. Tyler took him out on his bike, went kite flying, played at the park, checked out all the cars we have keys for and got to know one another... Ty can't wait to teach him how to skate... and neither can I. There was some significant garage debate however on which way he should shoot - I think ultimately, Corbin will pick :) Dinner went well, a bath, a book and a bit of a struggle with bed time. He plays (read: fiddles and whispers to himself) quietly but this often takes a couple hours. I do my best to get him to sleep before 10 on these nights but it's sometimes too close to call. No worries - he won't die of lack of sleep or food... we'll work it out.
Today was a great Canada day. Welcome to a GREAT country where you will grow up strong and free as the anthem says. You looked so handsome in your maple leaf sweater... Mama couldn't be more thrilled - thanks for making falling in love over and over so easy my boy!

xoxo Mama

Blog open - for awhile at least

2010-06-30T10:59:00.000-06:00

Some people who have been so supportive along the way from the "Adoption Community" (from places like http://www.frua.org/ which I think is single handedly the best resource for gathering information and finding answers to questions, support, encouragement, friendship and a good dose of reality as well as some of the Yahoo groups I have been a member of) have asked if I would open my blog again so they could catch up on "The Long Road Home". So, it is my greatest happiness to open it up again at least for awhile. There are some humps and bumps and I certainly took my lumps in country but we are home now and ecstatically happy. Thanks to EVERYONE who has shared the ride - and now, we are just getting started on our life together as a family.
Another quick update: to those who generously donated to Corbins orphanage, the delivery of 15 cribs, a washing machine, a fax machine and a merry go round should be being made in the next few days. The cribs had to be ordered in from Moscow so it took some time to collect everything and get the truck ready to hit the road for the 6 hour drive from Khabarovsk to Selihino.
Enjoy and welcome back :)

A perfect day

2010-06-29T22:07:00.000-06:00

Well, it's been busy... getting settled in and getting to know one another. Corbin is a beautiful little boy on the inside and out. Today he got his first haircut from Aunt Karen - and in following with every other thing he has done on an outing, he was an angel. Not a peep, not a squirm, not a troublesome fidgit... just sitting quietly with a car in both hands under the cape while the clippers and scissors did their thing. His little orphanage hair do is now history (it was not hideous by any stretch but it was chunky and scraggly - now it's not). We have struggled with eating a bit (ok a lot) since we got home. He doesn't want to eat when it's just the two of us but will eat in a crowd of people (on the plane, at my sisters, with other people). It's left me a little sad and with a fridge full of rejected food stuffs. Turns out he really enjoys the NON orphanage fare (so much for keeping things simple and the same). He has pounded back hotdogs, grilled cheese sandwich, raisins, cheerios, cheese, yogurt (OK thats the same) and lots of scrambled eggs with sausage. Today, he ate breakfast like a champ, hotdogs and raisins with Ashton and Ella, snacked on cheerios in the car and finished the day off with some veggies, a grilled cheese sandwich and more cheese... that my friends is how you spell relief :) I know tomorrow might not be another banner day but I'll take this one. The only little bump today is another night terror. He had one on the plane and today another. It's heart breaking - nothing I can do - he isn't really awake, he wants me to hold him and then pushes me away. He sat sobbing uncontrolably facing the headboard and not wanting anything to touch him... eyes only open a slit. I just sit with him and talk gently and reassuringly... we get through. The night ended with meeting the neighbors and their big Sabakas. He is so not afraid of dogs and is sweet with my friends - it makes me happy. I don't think I updated after bringing Lyric (our dog) home on Sunday. He rolled with that as if he knew all about her and was ready to have a huge big dog for his own. He sat in his car seat with his hand on her back most of the way home and in the morning, he layed down beside her on her bed with his head on her back and said "good puppy"... I couldn't be more thrilled with this little guy.
Our day ended with the usual kisses and hugs and the game we play where he gives me his hand and I kiss his palm... and then he does... and then I do... and then I put it on his heart and tell him I love him... and he smiles and says, "good night Mama".
Today was a perfect day :)

Meeting my son - Hello Grisha!

2010-06-28T08:06:00.001-06:00

I made this montage after trip one... the next one is a work in progress! So glad to post it now :)

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com