Sunday, March 29, 2009

Empathy and Validation - beautiful words

I fired off a quick note on Friday to my SW to ask if families waiting in Perm were being advised of registration options in the new regions and I was surprised and really relieved at the response I got. Not really in terms of what I have as options (that is still TBD) but in the recognition of this statement, "To be honest, I am surprised given your age request it is taking as long as it is, but again...we cannot predict or control, all we can do is advocate for our families, which is exactly what we are doing." I exhaled... a big long sigh of relief. There are times I feel a bit judged in this journey when I tell people about being frustrated at the length of the wait so far and I get the reply of, "it's only been 6 months" which is true... only 6 months is short for those looking for "AYAP" or "AYAP / AHAP" or potentially the longest wait "healthy female under 12 mos". It felt like my feelings that I am asking for a boy - an "older" boy were being dismissed and lumped in with families waiting for healthy infant girls. Now I am certainly not suggesting that their waits are any different or any less torturous - just that the expectation was set up front that it would take longer. Friday night, my SW showed me the empathy and validation that I have been needing to make the wait bearable. I think I may have gotten my second wind.
So with that, we are now exploring new options: Saratov, Pskov, Tula and Khabarovsk. I have no idea what the merits of these region are or if I should simply ask to be registered in Vladivostok where there seems to be stable consistent referrals. Time will tell in the direction I go from here and it sort of feels like starting out from square one again with a whole new unknown region where I could sit and wait another 6 months... but if I do, that's another 6 months closer to my son than I am today... and I'm already a year closer to him than when I started this journey last year. So I'm hoping for advice and insight on what to do next? I've joined the yahoo groups and asked the question on line... no one seems to have heard of the smaller regions... I guess it's perspective really??? Scary and un-nerving or one heck of an adventure to my son? I'll take the adventure EVERY time. One foot in front of the other... one day closer to you xoxo.


Todd and Jana said...

Hi Stacey,

I am glad to hear that things are looking up. We are waiting for a boy referral from Vladivostok and were told by our agency that the wait is 4-6 months there for a boy under 18 months of age. I know this varies by agency, but I think this is an average. I have read in one of the chat rooms that more younger children are available than older (healthy) children since healthy children are adopted before they reach a certain age - you should confirm this with your agency though.

Good luck to you and keep me posted!


gayle said...


I'm writing as a single mom of now 2 adopted Russian boys. I've just returned from Vlad. after my second adoption. J is 13 months now. If you want to chat, check out our blog and I'd be happy to chat. In the meantime, I know the pain of waiting and of comments about that wait.


Suz said...

I love finding new blog friends. I look forward to following along with your journey, I've added you to my blog list.

Suz, from another Long Way Home blog :O)