Uncle... there I said it.

I give up all control... or perception that I ever had any in this process. Uncle. I give.
Last week I was told that St. Petes was open for my agency - final stages - rubber stamping and it would be active soon. This week... "Novosibirsk and St. Petersburg are not regions that are favourable for international adoption, so we have decided not to pursue these." I'm not exactly sure what that means given other agencies are successfully bringing children home from these regions... but the monthly update doesn't give details... just facts. More "facts" that I got in the email, "We are hopeful that proposals will be coming in the next few months from Perm and Nizhniy Novgorod, and have information from our facilitators in these regions indicating this. Please note that expected wait times continue to increase from time of dossier submission to Russia. It is now estimated over 12 months wait for a proposal any child under the age of 7 from the time your dossier is registered with the Ministry of Education in Russia." Which seems more like a "CYA" statement than anything to keep waiting families from freaking out over the wait since they have a handfull of families approaching the year long wait for INFANT GIRLS not a boy up to 4... but that doesn't seem to matter anymore... blanket statement of expect to wait a year or more which seems to indicate for me not to expect a referral in the aforementioned "referrals in the next few months". Did you hear the air whizz out of my balloon of hope? It did. Funny - I started out with a 4 - 6 month wait time line... I'm at 5 months and am now told 12+ months... I used to hope that I might travel before Christmas '08 on a first trip... then I started hoping he would be home for the warm summer... then I hoped he'd be home this fall for my birthday... now I wonder if I'll even travel before the end of '09. This is nuts. But I have no hand as Seinfeld would say... So what now? Besides banging my head on the wall, how do I make decisions for work (assignments / training etc. that would make me look foolish if I take on and then bail on), for vacation (I'm going to need a rubber room if I save my vacation until the end of the year in hope that I might travel in '09 but don't) and for life... It seems the only news I get from the agency is email updates increasing wait time and giving vague reference to someone might get a referral sometime in the distant future... and we might register a copy of your dossier in a new region but don't call us... we'll call you. I know nothing about the new region Khabarovsk except that it's far away from Moscow by Vladivostok. Still pouting... as the song goes, second verse, same as the first, a little bit louder and a little bit worse. But no one is listening... and my agency doesn't seem able to do anything about it even if they wanted to listen. Exploring the idea of seeing what other Canadian agencies are saying. One in particular has exceptional in country contacts... something I'm wondering if my agency is lacking.
Now just when it seems that I'm all doom and gloom... I get it. Somewhere deep in the frustration of it all I know that these delays and moments are built in to ensure that my son finds his way home to me... but like the 3 year old at the grocery store who's just been told he can't have the candy bar... BUT I WANT IT NOW!!! I've really come a long way since those cash line tantrums haven't I.