Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Uncle... there I said it.

I give up all control... or perception that I ever had any in this process. Uncle. I give.
Last week I was told that St. Petes was open for my agency - final stages - rubber stamping and it would be active soon. This week... "Novosibirsk and St. Petersburg are not regions that are favourable for international adoption, so we have decided not to pursue these." I'm not exactly sure what that means given other agencies are successfully bringing children home from these regions... but the monthly update doesn't give details... just facts. More "facts" that I got in the email, "We are hopeful that proposals will be coming in the next few months from Perm and Nizhniy Novgorod, and have information from our facilitators in these regions indicating this. Please note that expected wait times continue to increase from time of dossier submission to Russia. It is now estimated over 12 months wait for a proposal any child under the age of 7 from the time your dossier is registered with the Ministry of Education in Russia." Which seems more like a "CYA" statement than anything to keep waiting families from freaking out over the wait since they have a handfull of families approaching the year long wait for INFANT GIRLS not a boy up to 4... but that doesn't seem to matter anymore... blanket statement of expect to wait a year or more which seems to indicate for me not to expect a referral in the aforementioned "referrals in the next few months". Did you hear the air whizz out of my balloon of hope? It did. Funny - I started out with a 4 - 6 month wait time line... I'm at 5 months and am now told 12+ months... I used to hope that I might travel before Christmas '08 on a first trip... then I started hoping he would be home for the warm summer... then I hoped he'd be home this fall for my birthday... now I wonder if I'll even travel before the end of '09. This is nuts. But I have no hand as Seinfeld would say... So what now? Besides banging my head on the wall, how do I make decisions for work (assignments / training etc. that would make me look foolish if I take on and then bail on), for vacation (I'm going to need a rubber room if I save my vacation until the end of the year in hope that I might travel in '09 but don't) and for life... It seems the only news I get from the agency is email updates increasing wait time and giving vague reference to someone might get a referral sometime in the distant future... and we might register a copy of your dossier in a new region but don't call us... we'll call you. I know nothing about the new region Khabarovsk except that it's far away from Moscow by Vladivostok. Still pouting... as the song goes, second verse, same as the first, a little bit louder and a little bit worse. But no one is listening... and my agency doesn't seem able to do anything about it even if they wanted to listen. Exploring the idea of seeing what other Canadian agencies are saying. One in particular has exceptional in country contacts... something I'm wondering if my agency is lacking.
Now just when it seems that I'm all doom and gloom... I get it. Somewhere deep in the frustration of it all I know that these delays and moments are built in to ensure that my son finds his way home to me... but like the 3 year old at the grocery store who's just been told he can't have the candy bar... BUT I WANT IT NOW!!! I've really come a long way since those cash line tantrums haven't I.


Heather Brandt said...

FYI...Nizny is a very slow region now...We know of families who have been registered for 12 months and no referral that they have been able to accept.


Bethany said...

Oh man, I'm so sorry! I would also consider another agency, although if I remember right, your options are limited up there. Ugh. There are TONS of adoption happening in St. Pete ... just subscribe to the St. Pete Adoption Yahoo Group! Families are traveling left and right.

I'm sure this is the last thing you want to hear, but something sketchy does seem to be going on here, because you know what you are seeing elsewhere, but your agency is saying something else. Hmmm...makes one wonder what is really going on with the agency.

I hope you get some answers SOON!

Amy said...

Oh Stacey --- I am so sorry. I had the BEST hopes for St Petes for you. Seems like it moves more quickly...

Do you have an option to switch agencies??

David & Jodi said...

Hmm... I think I would be about done with this agency. These simply aren't good answers. Maybe you could write a post about adoption agencies in Canada? I know I don't understand how things work in that regard. Do you have to use an agency located in Canada?

Todd and Jana said...

Hey Stacey,

I am very sorry to hear about your news. Have you spoken with anyone else using the same agency? Have you considered switching?


terence and carala said...

You know...I've read many blogs and been in many forums about Russia. Yes, Canada is generally slower...with every Country. Look what happened to Taiwan for us...they pulled the program before it could get going. Are Americans getting referrals from Taiwan? YES! So why did they pull the Canadian program if other countries are still getting referrals? We were told there are no healthy why is everyone else getting infants? Hmmm. I don't know if its that Canadians are too "nice". Maybe we need to play hard ball? Something doesn't make sense that we have to wait a year for a referral. But, what do you do? You just have to be patient. I know, it sucks. We've been doing adoption for 2 years now and 4 countries later...we know about the wait. But, the exciting thing about Russia is that it is working. We will get our child. Compared to other countries...we have it good! Russia is working! Let's all be thankful that we will get our kids home! We went through 3 different country's before Russia. We are so thankful for the smoothness of things with the Russian process. THough getting longer...we still have great hope for this country and our child. Don't give up guys! We need to stand together. Our dossier just left for Vladivostok a couple days ago. Yes, it may be awhile...but a year or so..I could be holding our daughter. That is GOOD news! Keep the faith kids...we can do it!

Stacey! You are a good women. I appreciate your will to fight for your boy. That will serve you well as a parent one day! Keep the faith girl! One day soon you and I will be playing in our back yard sipping lemonade(or maybe a margarita!) and talking about these days. :-) Love,

Kim said...

Hi Stacey, new here. I am sorry to hear of the troubles with your agency. I know the wait is long and frustrating. Sending positive vibes your way!


Barb said...

Stacey, I found your blog through Amy's . . . You're the first fellow Canuck I've come across through all the adoption blogs I've read!! Yeah! I hope things work out and you get a region that works for you. I'm sure you have much less choice as far as agencies go, so you have to do what works best for you. (btw, here we only have ONE agency that works in Russia). Anyways - I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and sending good thoughts your way!

Iraida said...

Stacey; My agency is estimating 3-4 month for an infant boy and I've seen it happened. They also work with Canadian citizens.