Friday, March 12, 2010

Lack of plannng on your part apparently DOES constitute an emergency on mine

If it is possible to sink to an even lower low after 2 1/2 months of waiting... it came last night.  I suspected that my agency had submitted the wrong application to court for my documents but had no way to check since I didn't have a copy of it and they kept telling me, "don't worry, the copy of the document that we submitted is fine" and I swallowed hard and TRUSTED them - I trusted my facilitator, my agency... I trusted all of them...  Well, it's not fine... it's not fine at all.  I am about at my breaking point with things.  It turns into a fast game of "CYA" and finger pointing while tossing anyone within firing range under the bus for whose fault it is (facilitator, agency, lawyer, judge, too many communications, the system, too expensive to have a lawyer review it)... all I know is that it isn't mine and it isn't that precious little boy waiting in Russia for his mama... and I also know that it isn't my job to figure out that there is a mistake at all... but thank God I did - in the nick of time.  See, my 8 doctor medical is only good for 3 months (March 28th which is a Sunday so actually the 26th) and my documents need to be in front of the judge before that or I have to make another trip (or stay in country for 6 or 7 weeks all by myself... not able to visit my boy... that sounds like a great way to spend time no??? This has been sold to other families as a "great way to get to know more about your childs home land - use the opportunity to immerse yourself in the culture" - wow...) I digress.  I came home last night, picked up the mail and there was a pkg from my agency - I knew it was my court documents.  I didn't feel giddy or anything at all really... which is what this process has resulted in emotionally... flat - uncomfortably numb.  After 27 months, I don't really feel much of anything.  I opened it to be greeted with the top page "application to court" and it is the wrong one.  I immediately call the director and she calls me back saying that she will try and confirm with the facilitator and get back to me.  At 10 pm last night I start a stream of emails urgently requesting a new application to court be couriered to them. The program administrator said she would call me first thing in the morning to let me know if the old one that I sent in and that is on file is the same as the new request.  I thought that perhaps this "little emergency" might spur someone on to arrive at the office early to let me know ... There is a one hour time difference between us so when an early call didn't come I fully expected to hear from them by 10am (9am their time).  I finally called there at 10am their time to be greeted with, "Hi Stacey, I was JUST going to call you... let me get your file out" (they hadn't even looked  to see if they had the right document on file).  They don't have it and will get it to the courier when the new ones I sent out today arrive on Monday.  The one single document needs to be processed through DFAIT, the Russian Consulate and then courriered back to Russia to be translated, legalized and presented to the judge... in under 2 weeks... or I do not pass go, do not collect $200 just go directly back to Russia to do my medicals over again to the tune of a 2 grand airplane ticket and probably 3 useless days in country... wasting time, wasting money, wasting available resources that I should have to spend with and on my son.  I am furious.  I don't much care whose falut it is - I just care that I pay a team of professionals to ensure these things don't happen.  I shouldn't have to play Nancy Drew to make sure their i's are dotted and t's crossed.  All of this re-processing and after it is finally presented to the judge she still may request more documents and set me back yet another 2+ weeks.  The chance that he'll be doing long division by the time I get back to him is getting greater every day.  I just don't get how other agencies can get their people back in 3 months between trips and we can't even get my documents submitted in that time??? There was not a wasted day on my side - they even said they were surprised at how quickly I pulled everything together... they told me that the process of re-doing the document is expensive for them too so everyone feels the pinch.  I told them that it is not possible for me to stay in country alone for 7 weeks but... really, who cares... AP's are loaded so they can afford the time off work and extra cash to make up 3 extra weeks in Russia or an entire additional trip.  But hey, Stacey, we're disappointed about this too... right... bet you didn't get 3 hours sleep last night because you bawled and got SFA done at work today because I'm not sure how to get past being absolutely disenchanted, disheartened, disappointed, deflated, discouraged, and defeated (I'm all out of d words to that will have to do).  I guess the ends justifies the means... I just want to get back to bring my boy home.  Again, thank God that I caught this error in the nic of time - just a couple more days and it would be impossible to get the documents back to Russia... now it's just really really tight... but hey, I guess I live on adrenaline in this process - perhaps they think I like it... NEWS FLASH!!! I DON'T!!!  So, this should make my shower either a much needed pick me up tomorrow or even more numbing... like everything else in this process... time will tell... time will tell.  Could use some positive vibes, prayers or voo doo dolls.  Unbelievable.


Jojo, Julz, Julianne said...

You better hope someone over there is a whiz with document forgery..Read my "honest scrap" its allllll been done before!!

Does DHL work in Canada? I had docs arrive in Novosibirsk in 3 days..So anything can be done...Shove the shit out of your agency. LET THEM KNOW NOW you are about to lose your mind on them..And then do it.. LEt it out to them sister!!
I did. My contact person was my agency director (since I was such a pain in the ass and knew more about Russia than any of the social workers) and I lost my mind her alot. I am pretty sure I dropped the F bomb on her! The louder you squeak, the more will get done.
Don't bite your tongue! You must make them move moutains for you.
Check my russian friend Anna. (from my Facebook account)
Friend her and see if she can answer any questions for you. She is not on a lot, but maybe she can offer something for you! Let her know you are freaking out and need some hope!!
My love, I am praying for you.

And I don't even want to tell you that you will forget this nightmare blip in the program once you get your little guy!
Telling you that may only irritate ya. :) :)

Lanita said...

I agree with Jojo, let it rip. It will make you feel better an just might get something done. They are not infallible. I also agree with Jojo to tell you it won't matter might just irritate you...but it is like forget the pain. At least that's what they tell me.

amy and kevin said...

Thank goodness you are on top of all this paperwork! I really don't know how anyone that isn't super organized and detail-oriented can survive international adoption. When your boy is older and reads this blog, he will know you did EVERYTHING in your power to get him home ASAP! And it will happen for you two soon, just not soon enough. How frustrating. I really hope you enjoy your shower ~ you deserve it!

Anonymous said...

totally pissed on your behalf. do people not get it? wish i could fix something for you. don't even have any advice . . . . just glad you shared and glad there's someone out there who feels it like it is and says it like it is. HANG IN THERE!


Michelle said...

OMG!!! You keep having one thing after another!! Don't hold it all means let it out!!! I don't know how much support I can be, but I will def say some extra prayers for ya tomorrow.

BTW..Thanks for the great comment the other day. You are right. Other bloggers in this process really are the most supportive and understanding!! Hang in there!!!

Barb said...

I feel so bad for you that you have to go through all this. I'm praying for you that this stuff gets there on time and you don't have to go back just for your medical. UGH!

dgporter said...

The shower will be an encouragement to you, I believe. You will see the love poured out for your precious one through your friends and family. So sad to hear about the paperwork mess. I've said it before...adoptive parents are some of the toughest people I've ever known.

Iraida & Valeria Sofia said...

Aaaagggggrr!!!! I hate incompetency sooooo much, especially from those who call themselves experts. What is it with these people??? Sometimes I wonder if they enjoy our misery.
If they do, shame on them. What they don't know if that you have a legion on cyber-friend praying for you and that this adoption is going to happen.
Praying for your little one tonite!

Iraida & Valeria Sofia