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Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Birth family search

What did they look like? Is he tall? Who do I look like? Will I go bald? There will be questions, of this I am certain. Corbin lived in the detsky Dom from 19 months to 3 years old and most people assume that children or people in general have no memories of being an infant. With my son as exhibit A, I can tell you that for us it is not true. There are memories. There are questions. There is hurt. There is sadness. There are happy moments. There is fear. Because he was from such a small village, there were also a lot of answers. The director at the baby home knew the family from when BM was a child. Anecdotally, I had many gaps filled in but for me, I felt like I owed my boy more. As his mom, I needed to anticipate the "what if" and go in search of the answers he may or may not choose to ask at any time in the future. Russia gave him roots and now it's my job to strengthen his wings so he might fly high in confidence and freedom. The topic of a search came up on trip two when I learned that my host who I stayed with was active as the on ground searcher for Mary Kirkpatrick. She told me about the heart wrenching stories of rejection and despair and that most searches don't provide much meaningful information. Even with that knowledge I asked her to pursue the search. Using my court documents as a guide, Anna located information that would lead her to the BF, maternal grandmother, Maternal uncle/aunt/cousins and another important family member. After the search was complete I settled in to digest and organize my thoughts on the information. There was certainly the bad and ugly - I expected that and it coincides with Corbin's memories. But, there is also an overwhelming amount of good, happy, loving, family ties that were flushed out too along with doors left open for future communication. I now have a file of photos and the answer to am I going to be tall or am I going to go bald? His roots aren't all bad. I've figured out how to manage the information and know it is his should he ask. I feel good about closing this chapter and have resumed grooming his tiny 5 year old wings. In the end, I'm really happy I did it. I didn't use Mary Kirkpatrick http://www.russianfamilysearch.com/ or Illich http://vladiker.narod.ru/For_adoptive_parents.htm But both have an excellent reputation in the field. Buddy, you look JUST like your uncle who is strong and proud and loving and honorable. They are happy you are loved. There are people in Russia who are happy you are home.

6 comments:

singletracey said...

I am seriously considering doing this. Not sure how much info I will get but I want to show va that I tries and if I wait until shenasks, well it will be that much harder to find out information. I left a message in Illichs board maybe I will try Mary as well. Can you email me who you used?

Stacey said...

Hi Tracy,
I used the woman I boarded with on trip two. She had worked for Mary before she moved to the USA. She went home for two months and did my search while she was there in Khabarovsk. She only did mine (and one other family) as a favor to me bit since she's in the USA now she won't be able to do more. Mary and Illich both have excellent reputations - their website links are in the post. Good luck! I hope you find what might bring answers and some peace :)

Mama said...

Must have one handsome uncle :)

Barb said...

I was adopted, and the question that I wanted the answer to the most as I was growing up was "who do I look like?" I had no trauma from being adopted, accepted the fact that she was a teenager and too young to raise a child (info my parents were told), and wasn't too concerned about health history (until I was pregnant myself) . . . I only wanted to know what I was going to look like ;)

Lisa said...

We recently has Illich for Nickolas' birth family in Moscow Region. He did an amazing job, and it couldn't have been a more positive story for him when he is older. So happy we did it. I'm glad to hear you have information for Corbin as well.

If you know anyone who is having trouble getting in touch with Illich just email me. He said he is busy in the summer months and doesn't always check his board but will respond to personal emails.

sophia Reynolds said...

We are trying to reach Mary and Illich and having trouble reaching either one - we adopted our daughter in 2003 from Lyubertsy hospital outside of Moscow. Any help would be apprecidated.